Your thoughts appreciated

Doesn't sound great Nellie. Will I pop down to sort him out once I've ranted at Katek's DH? So inconsiderate!

There is no point in me suggesting OH should get warmer clothes on or other such good ideas he seems to always the deliberately opposite so I ignore it.

He decided he would not ask for help lifting all the new 6x5ft fence panels into the slots on the existing supports. Several months later he commented it had not been a good idea.

I also have to deliver a screaming rant every so often the * man starts doing stuff like moving stuff about in the cupboard next to our my bed room at around 4am.
(I kicked him out to another bedroom years ago due to his coming to bed in the small hours freezing cold.) It took me months to be able to sleep well after that.

You can try to be helpful but in the end I look after myself. Sorry to be so negative.

Er......think he might look a lot like Max Wall anya!!

Tell him you find long johns very sexy?

In that case Katek I think you'll have to buy him some thermal underwear and go with the hot teas!!!

anya I wish! He has a whole series of one offs under his belt and no doubt will find more. Think next one will be assembling large wooden climbing frame with DS at New Year!

jane I like it!

Say the word Katek and I'll come up and read him the riot act. I'll use words like 'inconsiderate' and 'thoughtless'. You and the neighbours can stand quietly by.

Unless he's planning a major project surely that was a one off? I understand your worries, but men do feel ageing and being unable to do things they used to do is an assault on their masculinity.

I'd leave him to it and just keep plying him with cups of tea.

Thanks for all your input-interesting range of viewpoints! Yes DH is an adult, but with the stubbornness of a 4 year old at times. He'll know perfectly well when he's cold but will always push for that few minutes more to finish something. He also has a tendency to think that he's superman and still insists on doing things he really shouldn't- like lifting heavy items. We just bought new shower doors online and it was a two man delivery-only until package got past the front door! DH then manhandled 70kg through the house as he wasn't prepared to wait for our friend to help later on. My heart has often been in my mouth never mind this addition of working in sub zero temps. There probably is a significant degree of self interest, I don't want him to be unwell again obviously, but nor do I want to have to pick up the pieces should that happen. It was horrendous when he was ill before, I've never seen anyone as bad tempered as he was. He's had 2 additional chances already, not sure he'd get a third.

Re the argument that adults are responsible ultimately for themselves - I agree with those who ask who'd be picking up the pieces if things go wrong? An adult conversation with him is not nagging or treating him like a child. Re the sander, I wouldn't expect to hear a power tool after about six in an evening. And people often don't complain because they fear spoiling neighbourly relationships

Just the sort of thing my OH would do if I was out til 10pm. I wonder if it's to deter me from going out! Yes he's an adult as the others say, but he should be mindful of his impact on you. And he should have a phone or alarm on him when you're out, to summon help.

I would not use a sander in an echoing garage after 8pm but I do live in a very quiet road.

If the noise was disturbing me, or if I thought it might be disturbing neighbours, I'd say so.

I honestly don't think working physically in temps just below freezing is worth fussing about.

I agree about a mask being sensible when sanding. Other than that... massive shrug.

Yes make sure your husband wears a mask. My dh did a lot of wood cutting and sanding without a mask and developed nasty nasal polyps.

PS I'd have given him what for!!

My DH often does such daft things. When he thinks about it he realises it was stupid and doesn't do it again. I still think Katek's husband just got carried away in the moment and didn't think about the potential implications.

Yes, he's old enough to know better, probably does 'know better', but he chooses to behave as he does in spite of all that. Shrug time, methinks. Or nag time. Take your pick. It won't change him.

Who will have to look after him when he gets ill? Poor Katek. OK he's an adult but he's an adult who plainly hasn't thought it through. He's old enough to know better!

Oh let him do what he enjoys he's a big boy he ll come in if he feels cold Why do we all think it's our business to arrange others lives to our needs He must know all about his illness and what risks he can and can't take or he would never have lived to this age you should be saying a silent 'thank you' that he's found something to keep him occupied and HAPPY ....... or are you really missing him sitting with you ? I ll just leave that one hanging

On my tenancy agreement, the times stated for noise are between 11pm and 7am. I did find my alarm clock going off yesterday at 3am!

If he can use an electric sander in the shed then can he not plug in an electric heater? It would keep him toasty and you happier. Or there are now heated coats you can buy which keep core temperatures warm, look on Amazon and maybe send one to the big man for Christmas for your husband.

In my understanding of men, they will do as they please anyway, so no point in telling them, just go about trying to keep him warmer without him really thinking that you are.

If the neighbours don't like it surely they would tell you. As for your DH he is an adult and there are a lot worse things he could be doing. Isn't he capable of deciding if he is cold?

Typical man! I understand exactly Katyk Similar sort of problems here. However, advice I was given by his 'heart' nurse was that he was an adult and was responsible for his own health and wellbeing. I could just do what needed to be done, diet, advice, encouragement, etc. At the end of the day, it is his responsibility. I remember this advice occasionally, but most of the time I am tearing my hair out (after all, I'm the one who will have to pick up the pieces). Keep strong and remember to look after yourself!

Tend to agree with Grannyknot, you can only advise your husband the rest is up to him.

I must be the worst wife in the world! My husband's got to look after himself. I may occasionally say to him "I think you're overdoing it a bit" - but ... he's an adult.

He has 3 stents. He plays golf every weekend, does 2 gym classes a week and does physical work.