realising you don't need to keep stuff!

This has reminded me how when my mother was in her 80s she would sometimes haul say a load of scarves from a cupboard and ask me to dispose of them. Then a month later she would be anxiously searching for one of them and absolutely denied asking that they be got rid of. I learnt to take them home and hang on to them in case I would find her desperately looking for 'that jug, the one with the blue flowers' and could return it to her. She didn't have dementia but had become confused and forgetful on medications I think. After she died at 94 I was so relieved to be able to take an entire cupboardful of bags to the charity shop.
Now I am trying to declutter an oversized house and forever kicking myself for throwing out exactly the thing I could have used a month later. At least I can remember that I threw it out.

I understand the need to declutter but please consider your family history - photographs, particularly group photos at weddings & family celebrations are priceless for the family historian - also such documents as service records (war or national), birth etc certificates, school reports - it's lovely to see & touch such things - they make the family tree come to life. Perhaps there are cousins or other relatives doing research who would love these mementos? Or maybe make a scrap-book with the photos, documents, memorabilia etc? Now we've moved into the digital age future generations may well look at these photos and ask "What's a photograph, Mum?"

*RamblingRose" I can give you a few examples of what helped my husband.
He has quite a lot of coats and he said, "they are too good to give away".

So I asked him, "if you wanted a choose a coat to wear what would make you choose that one rather than one of the others" . He replied that he probably would not. Then I said, "We are lucky that we have never been so poor that we could not afford a warm coat" He thought about it then took 3 coats fro. The wardrobe and took them to the Charity shop.

When he asked me about the sentimental stuff, like photos and things of his mums. i said "they been in a cupboard for 20 years, but if it makes you really happy to have them there, that is fine. Take them out hold them look at them, then decide" he started sift things putting them into piles, changing them around, then after a few days he binned the lot. I never asked him about it, but I think it is a sort of grieving process to say goodbye to your possessions. In the Kondo book, she tells you to thank the things before you let them go. I don't think he went that far but he did accept that they were no longer "giving him joy".

That was what triggered him and since then he has cleared out massive of stuff.

This is a topical subject for me as I am trying hard to de-clutter. I have a few friends who have moved house recently and their uncluttered rooms make mine look like a charity shop! My 92 year old Mum will not part with anything - even a shower cap with the elastic gone gets put into a drawer 'just in case' (of what I don't know!). Have just had a couple of rooms decorated and the amount of stuff we had to move for the decorator to gain access was unbelievable. I had a shelf full of little gifts from dear friends/family over the years - nightmare to dust - but I haven't put them back (haven't got rid of them either!) and the shelf looks so much better with just a very few special things instead. I have so many photo albums and have at least labelled the spines with the year but have started being ruthless with the earliest ones - mainly holiday views that you just don't need to look at again. Ultimately I plan to divide pictures of the children and family between a couple of large shoeboxes so they can have one each but of course need to write relevant age on the back - a big job for the rainy day. So, perhaps it is an age thing and having learnt from our own experiences with ageing parents, do not want to pass on the clutter to our offspring.

Oh my goodness.... How this rang bells with me!!! I've had to move into smaller and smaller properties (long story! and now have little room for 'stuff'. I talk to myself a lot, and last night said to the boxes of old birthday cards (of my children) and calendars, drawings, things they did at school etc, "It's time for you to go..." My daughter (and son) are the least 'sentimental' beings and just aren't interested in looking at my 'stuff'. My daughter has in fact said that she'll toss a match into it all when I go ......... So why oh why am I finding it sooooooo hard to 'get rid' now. I think maybe it's because these things replace actual 'family' (I have no siblings left and DD lives in USA and DS in North Wales. Things aren't easy with either of them for one reason or another...!). I even asked my 17yo DGD if she'd like me to save anything and she said 'No' (chip off the old block eh?!) I'm already packing up lots of fabric and haberdashery stuff to give to a particular charity abroad and am very happy to 'get rid' if I know someone can use my stuff .... Butttttt, it's the 'sentimental' things that I can't bear to dispose of.... Hellllppppp!!!!!

My MiL died recently and I've really struggled to donate beds to charity as they do not have the safety labels and therefore cannot be sold on. Despite the lack of safety labels, they are all in very good condition and it seems such a shame to take them to the tip. I've also tried to sell them on gumtree for just a few pounds but still no success. Any suggestions gratefully received. Thank you

My children and friends make me constantly aware than I am in a 'transition era'. For instance in about twenty years there will be less clutter because much of that practice was generated by war deprivation. Another 'norm' will be everyone constantly on their mobiles and it will therefore no longer be an irritant or considered rude by fuddled people like me. I contend we will have advanced beyond mobiles. To what? Don't ask me. My mind already boggles! Any time I'm having a little grizzle to myself I just say 'Oh, that's me in transition again'. Hallelujah!

Tip for decluttering toys; ring your local pre-school play group, providing the toys are in a reasonable condition, they may be interested. I have just cleared garden play toys to our local nursery and they were no-end grateful. Smile

I have had to clear my dad's house. It was so distressing going through stuff that could have been thrown out years ago. We did talk about it but he seemed to think it all a bit of a lark for me after he had gone.

I cry now to think that when I had to make choices, they were not the best ones, not easy to do over a long distance and when you are newly bereaved.

I have tried to start de cluttering so my own kids don't have a lot of stale memories to go through.........some of the things dad left were painful (letters from my estranged sister) and some were wonderful (letter from my dying mum that had been in his wallet for 30 years) I felt sad that he could have spared me some of it.

We've just finished redecorating/refurbishing house from top to bottom inc new bathrooms. Most of furniture went to charity shops etc and we spent a couple of months living out of essentials in banana boxes. Point is that I was ashamed amazed at what we had accumulated and the thought of anyone having to sort through after my demise was enough to kick my hoarder mentality into touch. I've always loved my home but now it seems calmer, lighter and more welcoming. I found it so much easier to get rid of stuff after it had been boxed up for a while and I realised that I hadn't really missed it. Yes, even the soft toys, well some of them. Just getting rid of a drawer full of new bras that never seemed to fit right and underwear that had seen better days helped to give me more room. My knicks are now all neatly rolled up in colours and if I do pop my clogs, I won't be looking down red faced as someone sorts through my stuff.

When I went to the exhibition Fashion on the Ration at the Imperial War Museum they had lots of items on show similiar to hand sewn things and boxed lucky horseshoes etc so perhaps try offering items to museums or appropriate organisations. We had my father in laws fishing rods and they are sought after now. ps the exhibition is still on in Manchester and well worth a visit.

I have been trying to declutter for the past 2 years!

I am a natural hoarder and it's taken me some time to "psych" myself up to get rid of things.

I try to motivate myself by visualising the end result. Can anyone give any other tips/suggestions to help us hoarders? What worked for you?

I have been decluttering for 18 months and about 6 months ago my OH got on board too. It was a slow process for him. I am unsentimental but he is a hoarder.

I was amazed one day to find 40 years of paperwork on the kitchen table ready for shredding. It had taken up a whole wardrobe in the spare room and had bugged me for years. Since then he has really taken up the idea. Even though the book seems to have some crazy ideas, when I expressed them to him he seemed to relate to them and it helped him to let go.

I feel as many of you do that its time to clear out but lots of my stuff is belonging to DD and she hasnt got room in her house so I feel guilty chucking it out, however I take a big bag to the hospice shop almost every week full of books and stuff I don't use, hoarding books is my weakness.
Think of me when I clear my mothers house out, she has lived there since a child and has her mothers stuff including her wedding dress and grannys clothes and even grannys wedding presents in a drawer, she says that's my job to clear ot out after shes gone.

I might not be good at many things but I can give myself a pat on the back for getting rid of items that I don't need any longer. I've never really been a hoarder but since I've lived on my own I've been quite ruthless. Every month i spring clean one room and anything that isn't absolutely necessary goes. I think I just don't want my children to be left with everything to sort out when pop off

When we were moving abroad I gave away many things which I later regretted and have had to buy anew here. But what I did with all tbe family photos was to remove my own photos and then gave a huge boxful of photos of my children to my eldest DD to share out. They then had a family get together and they shared out the photos. They decided the early albums should remain intact with eldest DD. So often when the parents die either one child keeps them all or they get dumped so I thought it better that they could share them out.

Getting my parents home ready to be sold after both had died brought home to me how much 'stuff' we had accumulated. I've been trying to de-clutter for a couple of years. Each swoop diminishes the pile of essential treasures I can't part with. I'm currently on photographs, which is a real challenge.

I've fond memories of a very old woman I visited a few times when working 20 years ago. Her adult children wanted her to go into residential care, yet she was managing well enough with support and determined to stay in her lovely home. On each of my visits, she'd show me the collection of photographs she was busily sorting out so not to over burden her children when she was no longer there to do the task. The same photographs were always spread over her large dining table, being moved around. So, as I sort through and eventually manage to put some of my parents holiday snaps which feature people we don't know, in the bin, I often visualise those visits.

I also think that many of us have reached the age where we have had to clear out parental homes. That does concentrate the mind on what is worth keeping.
I dealt with the photo problem by having a few hundred professionally scanned. Cd roms of scans were then copied and passed to those who expressed an interest. Have also given the DC folders of old school reports, poems they wrote age 7 etc. After all it is their history and they can decide if they want to bin or not.

The DGC have enjoyed the soft toys that belonged to the DC but perhaps now is the time to dispose of them
Perhaps

But I really hate just binning teddies etc.
We took a car full of stuff to the tip recycling centre the other week and the road inside the centre was lined with teddies and soft toys!

I'm not being as good as the rest of you but have started very slowly getting rid of 'stuff'. It's been mostly clothes but I have packed up a miniature china tea set that belonged to my mother who died in 1979 and was taking up room in a kitchen cupboard. I did hum-n- ahh about it because she'd obviously treasured it and I have very little of anything belonging to her. I don't know why we find it so difficult. Could it be because we were bought up by mothers who had to make do and mend? I envy my two DiL who are able to dispose of most of their clothes after 3-6 months. Last year I had to clear my own MiL house and it was packed to the rafters with bedding from the 70's still in the wrapping (being saved for best) clothes, masses and masses of ornaments. Unopened biscuits and sweets and because of the time constraints it all went to the dump. I felt I'd violated her privacy and treated all she held dear with disrespect. Then I realised that all of this was just stuff of no real value to anyone even her. There was so much of it she wouldn't have been able to enjoy it. I'm really going to go for it in March when I retire...honest I am.

Yes I've been doing exactly the same thing, burned and shredded lots of paperwork and boxed up 'stuff'.
I used to love collecting old china but don't do that now. Love to see good craft work but restrain myself from buying any. Think it must be an age thing, I remember house clearing after the death of my mother and Aunt and they had things saved for 'best ' which had not been used or worn so that taught me a lesson. I have very little my children or grandchildren want it seems.

My 3 daughters all say they`re not interested in inheriting any of my many ornaments, but I was heartened by my youngest son telling me to take care of the Lilliput Lane stuff, because he`d like it when I`m gone, until he said, "it might be worth something!" I have many albums full of photos that my kids will probably bin, but I can`t make myself dispose of them whilst I`m still here.

I really do think it could be an 'age' issue, when the priorities change from possessions to things like good health, financial security, happiness for oneself and one's growing family. We will be moving to the UK from France next year and we have already cleared out lots of things that have been in cupboards unused for years. I won't miss any of it.