Help me to be patient!

My husband had P.D. When he found swallowing difficult our lovely G.P. changed all his tablets to soluble ones.

Lucky I sympathise - there's the need to respect their choices balanced against the desire to keep them as safe as possible. Especially difficult too when family members are holding you accountable for your husband's actions.

My parents in law (both in their 80's) are still extremely busy and, in my view, are working far more than is good for their health, but I've had to acknowledge that they are completely compos mentis, and therefore their choices need to be respected.

No easy answers I'm afraid.

Why indeed!?

It is like this all the time. He has so many health problems associated with his PD and so many people are diligent in helping him but he just ignores their advice. For instance one of the major causes of death in PD is aspiration pneumonia after choking, because their swallowing is impaired. He has been prescribed a tasteless powder that turns water thicker so he can take his tablets safely - he has also been advised to try taking them with yoghurt. He does neither of these things and we have this situation every afternoon and evening where he is choking on his tablets. I do remind him about the other options but I might as well talk to the wall.

I feel as though I am just nagging all the time; but I do not want to finish up having to deal with a serious choking episode or to come back from a choir practice and find him blue on the floor.

Sigh again.

What is it with men who just won't accept that age and infirmity bring certain limitations?

They're usually full of apologies for putting you through stress and anxiety after the event but you just kind of know it's going to happen again

You were right to blow your top, Luckygirl

As my DH says, when I catch him doing something he shouldn't, 'I knew all hell would break loose.'

So why do it?

GAH!!

No problem with pms.

Do they take leave of their senses?
I think that men, on the whole, are just very stubborn

Luckygirl May I send you a private message please. I don't like to just do it incase you don't like to receive them. Thanks in advance.

Definitely!

luckygirl I would be tearing my hair out if I was in your situation. He is not alone, I went to visit a male friend who is registered blind and he was up a ladder on a roof. It is a minor fact that he was 89 years old at the time.

Do they take leave of their senses? I appreciate somebody wanting to remain independent but there is a limit, especially when your sanity is at stake.

They will do it luckygirl and it's fine to do your nut. When he's unconscious he has no idea how scary it is, even without the ladder. Something has to change if he is to survive and you are to retain your hair!

It's a difficult balance between retaining his self-respect and advising (not nagging - heaven forfend!) about those things that are now too dangerous. I have pleaded with him either not to do these things or to wait till I am able to be there with him - not that I would be very good at catching him! I just do not know what the way forward is.

Our SIL came and cleaned out our guttering last night and there was no need at all for OH to be up there doing this, but he is such a perfectionist that he cannot believe anyone else can do it as well as he does. We do live in a bungalow by the way, so he was just using a step ladder not going up another storey. But it is still so dangerous - the first time he went unconscious out of the blue he landed across the coffee table - how he did not break his ribs I do not know.

I could just ignore it all and hope for the best, but all my DDs would go crazy if he had an accident and they knew I had "let" him to something dangerous. I have had this conversation with them before.

I would second take away the ladders along with all tools.
My friend, whose 84 year old husband has Alzheimer's, came home to find him up a ladder trying to saw a branch off a tree. ???

Get someone to take away the ladders. Have a mr.Handyman on speed dial .when DH got on the roof( in his newest pair of trousers) to clean out the gutters that was the last straw for me. Now I get someone to do them as soon as the leaves are down and prevent DH from doing it by telling him it's already paid for. I can lie really well if I want to.

Although I applaud your husband's determination as shysal says it is you who will pick up the pieces. You need to reach some compromise whereby he can do some of the things he wants to do but safely. It will be a difficult conversation to have but you want to keep him safely with you for many years yet.

I think you have every reason to do your nut! After all, it will be you who has to pick up the pieces and nurse him if he falls. You have family nearby who would gladly have done the job I am sure!

Qwould you luke us all to tell him off, lucky. That must have been scary for you..... And in his flipping slippers!!