Things you didn't really appreciate at the time.

My health, especially my back. Now it limits me immensely ?

My parents.

It might also have been in an effort to stop us being vain, annsixty. Thanks to my upbringing and constant put downs I have always felt fat and drab, with consequent effect on confidence (I've got none). When I look back on old photos I can see that I was pretty, and slim, and when we all took wedding pics in for a 'Changing Fashions' item at work, several colleagues said I looked amazing, and like a Vogue front cover model. They assured me they were not just being kind, and then OH said that he was always trying to tell me that I wasn't a fat lump but I would never believe him. Not a big deal - I truly never have been self obsessed and don't care about looks for me or anyone else, but I do feel sad that I had such a lack of confidence when, had I perhaps just felt 'normal' as opposed to fat and plain, I might well have felt better about myself and able to tackle things in a more positive way.

My first love, who made me feel really good about myself (he was a lot older and already tied to another woman, but he gave me the strength and support to do what I wanted and realise that it was my life. Sadly he died before we could tie up the loose ends there was never a clean break. At the time we were still dependent on our parents, being under age till we reached 21 - I met him at 19 - mine being somewhat hypocritical (mum ran off with dad at 15! and he was already married with a family) tried to stop us being friends. But I wish I'd had a chance to get to tell him how much I appreciated his love, strength and friendship.

I didn`t appreciate being a size 8 and being able to eat everything I fancied ! The main thing though is not having the confidence to think that I could do anything I wanted to instead of getting married at 19.

I like you, NotTooOld, wish I had never cut my hair, it was long, had beautiful curls and reached to my waistline, I had it cut when I was 19 and never grew it again.

That was in reply to the 's 'why did mothers put us down?' question by the way...

Mind you, a friend of mine who has six brothers often relates how she and her only sister were regarded as more or less worthless other than as domestic skivvies. The boys were everything.

I didn't appreciate my lovely thick black wavy hair. Why didn't I leave it in its natural state instead of cutting it, dying it, bleaching it?

I didn't appreciate my knees... oh how I wish I had them now. To be able to get up and down off the floor without looking for something to get hold off first and to spring up onto a chair instead of finding a step stool or waiting for OH to come home.

Oh, I had a foam backed coat too, Deedaa. Mine was a double breasted pale grey one. I'd forgotten all about it. It was very light to wear if I remember rightly but did tend to get deep permanent creases across the front when I sat down!

I had one of those foam backed coats lizzy mine was mustard coloured. I thought it was wonderful but I suspect it was hideous! I remember a lot of outings when I wore my school uniform (including the panama hat!) I've also got photos of me aged about 14 wearing a coat, hat and gloves more suitable for a 45 year old! I think my mother was just trying to dress me in the sort of things she had worn 30 years before.

Perhaps mothers were afraid their daughters would get into trouble if they encouraged them to feel attractive? I wasn't put down in any way by my parents although I still suffered the usual teenage angst. I'm lucky that I don't have any particular regrets.

I too saw the Beatles perform live at the Liverpool Empire in 1964, I think. I was 12 years old. Back then we hardly had any nice clothes. I wore a dress I'd been bought for a family wedding (probably something I could grow into!) and a powder blue, foam backed coat that was almost certainly highly flammable! It wasn't unusual for us to wear our school uniform for best!

Were our mothers jealous of our youth?
Did they have a bad and deprived time?
I cannot explain it.

I wish I'd realised what a nice figure I had and that I actually looked good. Never felt attractive at the time.

I wish I'd realised how pretty I was. My mother was the Queen of the 'put down'. Once she said to my aunt, in my presence when I was about 14 years, that no matter what I wore I still looked like nothing.

I was always made to feel worthless at school just because I was useless at sport, so when I was asked to stay on at university to do research post-degree, I turned it down because I didn't have any self-confidence. I then jumped into marriage for the same reason. How I regret it all now.

Oh Cherrytree59 how I agree! My first house had a fantastic garden planted with many beautiful specimens, especially very old Moss roses. I had no idea how lucky I was. I did try and look after them and mow the lawn!

Gardens and plants
It wasn't until I met my late FIL that I appreciated plants and making a garden your own.
I had trained to do a job that I eventually hated. But horticulture wasn't on my radar as a teenager.

My FIL taught me the names for the countless plants that he passed on to me from his own garden
But it wasn't until much later that I found that some of the names were his version

I was always too busy wishing I was like somebody else - looks-wise, personality-wise, confidence-wise etc. Looking back at photos now I reallise I looked pretty good as a teenager in the '60s. I had the right shape - tall, slim, long legs. It's all gone to pot now of course I did appreciate my Beatles days though and feel very lucky to have seen them about 5 times live, including having sat behind them on stage after a competition win and also being chatted to by George (my hero). I always look back at my terrible childhood and feel rather sorry for myself but I did have lots of good times seeing the bands of the day live - Kinks, Stones, Pretty Things and many more.

I was fortunate in that I never felt belittled by either parent but on the other hand I don't remember ever being told I was clever, pretty, talented or a lovely person.

Same here, my father. He died far too young and I would have given anything to have him know my children and be the calm, supportive presence in their lives that he was in mine.

Oh how I wish I had realised that I too was quite pretty. I never felt slim because my dad constantly told me I had the xxxxx (family name) bum - all his sisters were short and quite 'wide in the beam' BUT I wasn't short and, then, a size 14. I don't know why he felt the need to say this to me? Mind you he also compared me constantly to one of his sisters who was the least popular in the family. Again why? I must say he was, mostly, a good dad and luckily my darling mum made me feel special. Sorry about rant!!

Me! I was so insecure and taught by my parents that I had no value and was 'only a girl'. Now I look back at old photos and realise I was pretty. I really had no idea and DH simply doesn't understand that I didn't know.

I wrote the above before reading the other posts. Gosh, I thought I was the only one.

Some of my friends were told they were clever, pretty, kind, whatever ie - had their self esteem boosted.