Happy Hour

What do you call a man with a biscuit on his head? Lionel Ritch Tea. Sorry

Well I certainly seem to have brought that one to an end with my corny attempts at jokes However I'm not taking umbrage or sulking, nor will you get rid of me that easily

In fact, I may have to start a groany joke thread soon as I've asked a couple of friends for any jokes they can remember

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug ...

I've been trying to remember some jokes and realised it's a long time since I've heard any, so big thanks for every one here.

Where do bees got to the toilet? At a BP station of course!

Oh, I can hear you all groaning!! That was courtesy of an 8-year old

Did you hear about the race between a lettuce and a tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup

I can only remember a few, and I think I have already posted them (quite a while ago) There is "The Faux Pas" which went down well at the time, but is rather long.

Keep them coming, they raise some much needed smiles especially on a dreary day like today. Sorry, not very good at remembering jokes either.

Today I got one of those handy little safety devices designed with the older driver in mind......a bus pass.

Anyone with a nervous disposition....look away now!

Have some breakfast
Sleep until lunch time
Have some lunch
Sleep until dinner time
Have some dinner
Have a wash and brush up
Spend a few hours cuddling on the sofa with her, and maybe watch television
When it's late, and dark, go out shagging and killing,
Come home for breakfast
( It's a busy life for a cat!)

My Dad used to say, during the war, that the only bomb you had to worry about was the one with your name written on it.....this used to really upset our neighbours , Mr and Mrs Doodlebug.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can wash your hands in a bison (needs a SE accent!)

Might have posted this before, but just a quickie. Out with our group of folk with learning difficulties, one lad whose siblings getting married/having families, interested in those things, chatting to one of our young helpers over a glass of beer "How long does it take to have a baby then?" - young helper "Oh! about 9 months" reply- "I can't stay in bed all that time"!

Groan!

Ironically, all the books on haemorrhoids in the library are stacked in piles!

How do you tell crocodiles and alligators apart?
one will see you in a while, and the other will see you later.?

In that case Auntyflo I shall continue unabated.

I am one of the many that can't think of a joke to post. I love hearing a good one, but can never remember one? but have so enjoyed the ones on here. Roses, you have a good stock, and a jolly good memory. ?. Rather a lot of 'one's '. Maybe one should try and concentrate more. ?

Hehee.....but don't let granjura see that one.

Gransnet is the intelligentsia roses!
What are some of the best things about Switzerland?
Well their flag's a big plus for a start!

That's what you call a joke for the intelligentsia Jane
It looks like not many on Gransnet can think of something amusing or post a pic, ah well , maybe time to get back to the gloomy stuff.but where is Phoenix who can usually be relied on to provide a bit of light relief?

A photon checks into a hotel. The porter offers to carry his bags to his room. The photon answers 'No thanks. No cases. I'm travelling light'! Boom boom.
A person with Aspergers told me that one.

PS Wish we were allowed cats where I now live - always had at least one before

Rum and ice are bad for the liver
Whisky and ice are bad for the heart
Vodka and ice are bad for the brain,
Coke and ice are bad for the teeth

Ice! Who knew it was so harmful?

Roses worship cats

The Internet is a lot like an ancient Egypt, people write on walls and worship cats.

I was out walking today, when a guy threw a revolver at my head!
I hate bloody gunslingers.

Linsco we can be as un PC as you like ( as far as I am concerned.)