New neighbours

We moved in here five days before Christmas after leaving a place many miles away with lovely people and we didn't know what to expect especially as our removal van with two elderly chaps couldn't get up the hill and my son and three large grandsons had to carry the stuff up. What a performance - it must have been an entertainment to watch.
Gradually over the next few days Christmas cards from the neighbours dropped through the door, welcoming us to the village, sorry for us probably. We put some through their doors and began our friendly lives with these nice neighbours and now, years later, still friends with all of them. Perhaps it was that special time of year or they were sorry for our unfortunate start.
Since then we've been with them through weddings, funerals and marital breakups and all the other things that happen in any community. You have to give friendship in order to get it back.

We had neighbours for over 30 years and used to play badminton over the hedge. When hedge grew we had a "gossiping hole" otherwise had to stand on tree seats to see each other.
When they moved a couple of years ago a young couple moved in with little baby and new born. Her parents (who we already know as he is local v good carpenter/handyman) live up the road so they're in and out next door a lot now. Next door to them another new young couple moved in again with little boy and new baby. Both lovely couples, we look after each other's gardens when on holiday.
When one couple arrived, they were dressed up ready to go to a wedding when DH fell in garden and dislocated his elbow (ouch!). I was still at work then. DH knew he was going to pass out and made his way to front of house and waved at couple getting into car. Later they said they thought we don't have time for a chat now-but they saw DH go down and immediately came round round and got help.
You never know when you need help. . . .

Thank you for all your different responses.

We have only moved about 8 miles,but we were pretty isolated before and we knew all our neighbours and trusted them because in times of flood or iced roads we depended on each other.

Here it is slightly more "suburban" although I am sure many of you would regard it as very rural indeed!

There are 3 bungalows on the original large field and we are the middle one - the rest of the field is directly behind us and leads down to a wood and is owned by the right side neighbour. Our septic tank is on that field as he developed these 3 bungalows and originally lived in ours many years ago, so the septic tank was on his own land. We are sheltered from the neighbours on either side by hedges/fences, and the drives/frontages are not visible on either side, so the chances of bumping into them by chance is small.

However, the other day when we were all in the garden, the man next door was in his field behind us and came to the gate there to say hello - he is very nice indeed. I said that I had thought of knocking on the door to introduce ourselves and he said "Oh you should have done."

I like to know that there are good neighbours around me and could not imagine not talking to anyone for decades! That is not to say that I have ever been in a situation where neighbours live in each others' pockets - but always on happy speaking terms.

I always introduce myself too, if I can do it over the fence then fine. I once resorted to a stepladder to do this and shout yoo hoo.
When I told my Son I had done this he said I was like Victor Meldrew


I am blessed though with fantastic neighbours either side. We are not in one another's pockets but are here for each other if needed, and always we are ready for a natter .

In the process of moving but my house is a 'fixer upper' so I put a note through the doors of my two sets of immediate neighbours introducing myself and apologising in advance for the nouse and mess. I added that I myself would be a very quiet neighbour once the work was done! Have since met all my neighbours (it's a tiny street) and found them so far to be very friendly and welcoming. I have my own sets of friends and so I'm sure have they so I assume we won't be in one another's houses too much, but there is a certain bond in living in the same street and a courtesy which I feel needs upholding. Well, time will tell...

Are the neighbors not using the septic tan that you use that is on their land? Is it just your household using it.

If that's the case you need a letter granting access for less than the number of days there are in a year. You then pay a nominal rent and the permission is granted year on year.

Forgot to say that one one occasion one of the neighbours poured a few bottles of bleach down their loo. This killed all the good bacteria. The effluent then breached the regulations. We had to get it pumped out. No one owned up to the bleach incident so everyone had to pay their share.

If you are using a septic tank that is on a neighbors land they will be bringing you a bill soon for having it pumped out.

It would be perfectly reasonable to introduce yourself, exchange some pleasantries, and then ask them what the arrangements are for maintaining the tank.

You will want to put some money aside. We have a tank used by 12 houses. When we moved in we enlarged and improved the tank. It lasted 30 years but then no longer met the regulations. We had to ask each neighbour for £3,000 each to cover a new one and then they pay twice a year for pump out and electricity used. The old one did not use electricity.

So it would be perfectly reasonable to esquire about this septic tank and what it costs. At its estimated life. However I am surprised that when you bought the house this matter was not detailed in your exchange of contracts.

Diddy1,
I work with Swedes who are lovely,and they are all quite reserved.
My daughter visited a friend and her husband in Malmo.The three of them went to a bar,where a young Swedish man fancied a chat with my daughter.
He approached the husband for permission,the husband then asked my daughter if it was ok and she went off for a nice chat and drink with the young man.
She was quite bemused by the politeness of it.

I would say " beware of Greeks bearing gifts " We moved and on moving day a neighbour over the road came with a tray laden with tea and cakes for us . She later made a call to Social Services claiming we were unkind to the baby we were fostering which , of course , was totally false. A friend had a housewarming party and invited all the neighbours . They came in and introduced themselves to each other having never spoken to them before . She said it was really weird.

House next to me is rented. I have had an array of neighbours as a consequence of many different nationalities and outlook. Several Japanese tenants who have all been fab to live next door. Friendly, quiet, helpful etc. But we first spoke only from bumping into each other.
The Russians were very odd and bordering on hostile. The Americans, as kids called them, but we're in fact English but had lived in US for years, did the whole putting card through door, introducing themselves, etc, which I found rather nice. I think that is probably the best course, do an intro, card, then keep it neighbourly, but not overly so.

We moved to new district in our area,three years ago, one Family who we did know slightly, came with a flower, a new neighbour came a year after ourselves, we went around with a flower, and also had the closest neighbours (there arent a lot of people living here) around for a drink, for everyone to get to know each other, that was fine, but since then nobody has returned the compliment, they keep themselves to themselves, which is sad as it is a tiny community, mind you thpere is a big difference in social skills here in Sweden, peole are not good at socialising. Never mind we did our best.

victoria08 Did you know that that stranger could be a friend. And if you find that you don't like these people, just stop talking to them, simples.
I leave my front door open in this hot weather and my neighbours come walking in with their own cup of tea, I love it, and so do they. But there again, I've lived in 2 other countries and neither of us has that British standoff attitude.

What is it with people, baking cakes and biscuits to give to virtual strangers who may not even want them.

What if it turns out you don't like them, or vice versa.

I tend to think it's a blessing if neighbours keep themselves to themselves.
Have had experience of nosy neighbours in the past.
Just a quick hello in passing will suffice for me.

I would just put a card through their door with my name.
Twice I have moved when neighbours have asked if I have hot water for drinks while moving in,and I have done the same to others.
A young mum once moved next door..We shared a pathway and I did notice that when I went outside,she tended to close her door.After a few weeks I was in the garden when I saw her at the kitchen window so gave her a wave and she came out for a chat.
After that she would ask my advise over the heating controls ,or the baby not eating etc.

I moved here 15 months ago & neighbours came & introduced themselves which was lovely as I'm in a completely new area for me - regularly chat when I'm in garden. Because this is fairly rural eveyone at least says Hello etc.

When my late DH & I moved to our previous house, again a new area, we moved in at end of November & received lots of Christmas Cards with names & house number on them. In the 3 years I lived there (on my own after death of DH) I made lots of friends & am still in touch with some of them.

I don't find it easy to go & introduce myself & am quite shy until I get to know people. I think it depends on your personality but if you spot them in the garden it is nice to introduce yourself

ajanela I know all the names of the local dogs - people just become 'poppy's mum' or 'Stanley's dad' or 'Montmorency's owner'.....with the exception of 'that bl***y with the German Shepherd who needs to learn to keep it under control'

What a friendly lot you are. I just wait until I bump into people. We now have a puppy and all of a sudden everyone talks to us (or maybe it is the puppy.)

The close I used to live in seemed to attract quite an international set of neighbours - Peruvian, East African, Russian, Finnish, Canadian, Hawaiian/Japanese and they were all far more pro-active than us Brits over moving in introductions.
Friendship cakes all round, an evening of drinking saki, egg nog etc. It was great! My Peruvian neighbour seemed quite hurt that I was so stand-offish, but I was only being English and reserved. We are still friends now even though I have moved away. On moving to my apartment, I put notes through people's mailboxes to introduce myself and apologize for moving day noise and disruption and that broke the ice a little. One step at a time! Next move I might knock on doors.

Aren't we a mixed bunch. I always go round and introduce myself to new neighbours. Now I live in a retirement complex I follow the established tradition and put a note through the doors of new residents. My daughter is just the opposite to me and would never speak to anyone unless invited to do so, but she has brilliant older neighbours who take in parcels and make sure she's ok when her husbands away.

Years ago...after we moved into our new house, I called round to my neighbour with my three year old daughter to say hello.When neighbour opened door...three year old said "mummy why is that lady so fat?" Whoops !!!She didn't speak to me for the 20 years we were there !!!

I have lived in my house for 38 years and when new neighbours moved in I was delivering the community paper , saw the husband at the door and just said" Hi , I am your neighbour " I heard the wife say "come round for a nosey " from inside !! I was mortified and have never introduced myself since . I must say that the woman in question is quite unfriendly to everyone still .

Just knock on door & say hello- I'm your new neighbour, I expect they will be delighted to meet you. When we moved here both sides did exactly that - actually while the removal van was still unloading. They offered tea/coffee if we could not make it if services turned off too. If they were away when you moved in they have probably been busy getting sorted when they got back.
I'm sure they would appreciate it- I would!

I met my new neighbours in spectacular fashion, it was about midnight and I was busy changing the locks on the front door. 'Excuse me' came over the fence, Mrs Next Door was locked out. Kids had left the key in the door after going to bed so she couldn't use her key.

So after Hello I'm your new neighbour, we spent our first hour together working out how she could break in, phoning the zombied kids to try to wake them in between trying things with ladders. One kid did stir eventually so it was relatively painless. When I had a mad moving-in party a week later she arrived with lovely food to share. This is of course the notoriously unfriendly inner city.

Yes, I think pop round. Just say that you know they're probably busy but thought you'd just introduce yourself...
I've done this and it seems to be fine.
And like others, I'm not a great one for being in and out of other people's houses. Not at all!