30 year old daughter married nearly 5 years & no children yet, should I say anything?

Absolutely definitely no, no no. It is nothing to do with you.

I had a first marriage, married at 23 went our separate ways after 7 years. Ex and I had decided to put children off as initially we didn't have the means to start a family, although we did later but had drifted apart by then. My then husband wasn't English and when we visited his family abroad my father in law never shut up about asking us when we were going to start a family, my biological clock was ticking etc., I got so annoyed about it, aged an elderly 26 when for the umpteenth time he asked me at what age would I consider starting a family as I was getting on a bit, I replied "oh I thought 40 might be right for me" not understanding English irony he thought I was being serious and went off tutting All that aside, I also winced at an insenstive person I know who asked a couple who had been trying for years, "were they going to have children, and if so they'd better get on with it" DON'T ASK, best case scenario it may annoy them, or worse it may pile on even more anxiety if they have been trying for a while.

Glad you've decided to say nothing bee63. Only make a comment if your DD raises the subject.

Agree with all above. I didn't have my first child until I was nearly 30 and that was over 30 years ago. That was a decision we made because of DH being on academic 2-year fixed contracts and we wanted to be more secure. Thankfully no one started asking delicate questions about why. Let them talk to you if they want to, if not leave well alone.

I think Indinana summed it up well, and general advice probably to leave it is good. Infertility causes terrible grief for the couple involved, but I think she might have mentioned if this is a problem. My own daughter's husband had a problem that was unknown about when they married, but to cut a long story short, my daughter told us immediately and we were fully involved from the beginning, as were her parents in law. The lovely young couple needed tremendous emotional support, and financial support, which both sets of parents were luckily able to provide. The result, adorable 2 year old twins. My point is that your daughter would probably need a lot of emotional support if they were struggling to conceive, but of course I realise that some people are very private, so it is possible that they are just enjoying life without children at the moment, or indeed always. Think on balance, it's probably better to say nothing for the moment.

I respect anyone who chooses not to have children, if that may be their reason. The world is overpopulated and childless couples (by choice) should be applauded.

For that reason I disagree with IVF, sorry it that's harsh. Adopt instead.
Heard on the radio this morning that they've found a way to reverse the menopause, imagine all those old ladies thinking they can now have another child! Though it won't give them any more eggs I guess.

To answer your question, keep quiet!

I was infuriated when some old harridan of a nosy neighbour asked me, in front of my mother, when I was going to make her a granny (I was 25 and had been married for four years) It was clear from my mother's expression that she had been discussing this with the neighbour. I felt hurt, and also felt strongly it was nobody's business but mine and DH's. I have always remembered that, and my advice is - don't!

I was married for 10 years before our first son was born I was 30 - that was a decision we made and it annoyed us when people asked.

Definitely, Silence is Golden!

townie I don't think anybody has implied that on here. I also think not having children is common enough these days for people not to automatically make that assumption.

Why this assumption that all couples want children anyway? Shades of Andrea Leadsom ...

bee63 as others have said, it's their business. But I can understand you being concerned about your DD being OK. Has she ever given you the impression she wants children? Do you know of a medical reason why having children might be a problem? It must be hard when you are both reserved. I think you need to wait for a moment when you're alone with her and she says something that would make it quite natural for you to say something. You need to accept that moment may never arise though.

My sons and their wives were all 35-ish and married 7+ years before they had children. It never crossed my mind to ask them if they were going to have children. I was too busy with my own life to worry about being a grandma.

Why would you say anything!! Just mind your own business.

When we were first married we were constantly being asked when we were having children. I never wanted kids and I got really fed up of being made to feel there must be something wrong with me. I even had people asking me whose "fault" it was that we didn't have children. It is a totally personal matter between partners.

You're absolutely right to have decided to say nothing. As for people who think it's all about them and call themselves 'grandma in waiting', words fail me ...!

NO! NO! NO!

They may not want children. Very personal decision, that has nothing to do with anyone else.

A couple I know well are in their 40s, together for about 20 years, married for 12, and are now expecting their first baby. Do not give up hope and please don't ask that question. There may be reasons that they just don't want to discuss even with you. My DS and partner were together for 11 years before they had their first son when they were both 32. It's perfectly normal nowadays.

It's nothing to do with me wanting to be a grandmother btw, I work full-time & have a very busy social life of my own, I certainly haven't got time for grandchildren yet!
It's more about her & if she's ok.

Certainly not*bee63*. Perhaps they can't have any, perhaps they don't want any. Perhaps, perhaps. Whatever it is it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Grandma in waiting indeed

Thanks all.

I'll say nothing.

Flippin eck what century IS this?
(And Catholicism has nothing to do with it, gononsuch unless that is your angle.
Loads of girls are not thinkng about babies until well into their thirties.
One DD had her first baby at 35
Another DD has just had her first baby at 39.
Another is 34 and highly unlikely to even think about motherhood for another 2+ years as she is on a clinical trial which means no babies until it is over.
There are various scenarios, including
1) enjoying life, their careers and feeling quite happy to be child free as yet
2) trying desperately and don't need reminding of biological clocks
No, repeat, no, I would keep those thought entirely to myself.
I am disturbed by this idea of being a "grandparent in waiting" as if that is the sole reason for parenthood. It also seems to be at the root of much unhappiness over GPs "rights" and relations with in laws.
Their lives, their decisions

GP's not GO's

None of your business. Thank goodness my parents and in-laws didn't poke their noses in while I was undergoing fertility testing. Cast your mind back 40 years when we might be offered treatment which produced multiple births - 5 or 6 babies who then died off one by one. I couldn't face that and couldn't put my family through it either. We adopted at age 30 to the great delight of all GO's.
They'll decide what's best for them and that may not include discussing their hopes and disappointments.