Sounds like MIL is the only woman in the house and loves the control.
The men need to stand up to her regarding her treatment of your dd. As for notice when dgss will not be present for food... that'll soon change as they grow older and have minds of their own. In the meantime.... mil prob feels she has a hold over your sil as he needs her help with childcare.
Not a satisfactory situation..... except perhaps for MIL.
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Sorry friends this is part of D on going problems.
You may know, she is back living with us but is still in contact with the man she went to live in Scotland with.
She is on fairly good terms with her estranged husband and is spending 'family' time with him and boys. Great
Her MiL has always been anti D. She was never allowed in her house prior to wedding. She turned up on the day but that's as far as it went. Both her son's say she's hell to live with as has her H at times.
Trouble now is mum, dad SiL his brother and the boys all share a house. SiL pays a large portion of the rent and gives her food money (brother and dad work and contribute) she is main carer for GSx2 she has complained about D "always being round here" if they are eating D has to sit in SiL bedroom and is made to feel very uncomfortable. SiL has told her straight and so has his brother. GS's are not allowed to eat here without 48hrs notice as she has "planned the menu" FFS the woman does my head in, I feel sorry for D.
Rant over, sorry 
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