A good death

How interesting that we nearly all want to go quietly, pain free and in our sleep. Yet I wonder how often that is achieved? Most people I know who have died have had horrible, lingering, painful end of life experiences.

My father in law was an exception, he was in his late 80s and doing what he liked most - going for a walk down to the betting shop to place a small bet. He had a heart attack and, according to the paramedics, would have been dead before he hit the ground. Not a bad way to go.

I don't know if my husband knew he was dying, as for a few months before he died his hands started to shake and he did have sever pains in his chest.

But I feel I would like to go like he did, which was in his bed, after having been up very early in the morning. So I was not able to say goodbye as he seemed better when he went downstairs very early.

it's not a secret that I lost my 24 year old son a while a go. I think he died the perfect death in that he was rehearsing with his band in rehearsal studios in Soho. He was the singer and was a bit like Freddie Mercury on stage, giving it his all and very dramatic with it and on this night they had just come to the end of a track and when, with a dramatic flourish, he fell to the floor. The others thought it was part of the rehearsal so it took a few minutes for them to realise he'd died. They were stunned, of course, but I can't help thinking that it was the absolutely perfect way for my lad to go...

Yes DH and I do mention our deaths to our dear GC (when it 'crops up'). So they realise we won't be here forever. As we are all Christians we know we'll all meet up again so talk of us "just going ahead".
A peaceful painless death and no protracted illnesses which place a burden on everyone would be ideal.
I think Anglicans pray something like "from a sudden death, o Lord, deliver us". I can see now if you have the opportunity to say all you want/need to say to loved family/friends it would be so much better for all parties.
My DS's husband died a long lingering degenerative death for years-if he'd been a dog we would have been prosecuted. We really should have the right to bow out at our own choosing when we feel the time is right. I wouldn't have the courage to endure what he did but wouldn't want to have to go too soon to Switzerland.
I know it's contentious but what do others think?

I hope it's not yet would be most put out in the middle of a good book..

Nothing different here. No pain, in my sleep and not in a care home. I'd trade a few years not to die in pain , being a proverbial burden.Ideally Mr LD and I going together, neither of want to be left but realise that's a distinct possibility.

In my sleep unexpectedly.

I have to say GD, that sitting on the river bank watching the world go by sounds a good way to go. My last 17lb er did not induce a heart attack BTW.

My ideal would be a heart attack induced by a monumental fight with a seventeen pound rainbow trout! Which would then swim away laughing. Seriously though I agree with all who have said slipping away painlessly in ones sleep, but I would not like to die alone. My elder sister died while sitting watching tv with one of her daughters. Nothing dramatic; she merely closed her eyes and was gone. An awful shock for my niece, who thought she's nodded off, but I really could not have wished for a better way for her to go.

Rosina , how beautifully you have expressed that. I agree with all you say about thunderstorms. I, too, love them and get quite excited by them. Not how I'd like to die, however.

I would like to go painlessly in my sleep.
I talked to my family, before my operation, and told them all I loved them and how proud I was of them. Surgeon had told me the mortality rate for the procedure plus the fact that I was an older lady I thought I should put my affairs in order.

I'd like to go painlessly, in my sleep, with my brains and my bowels still intact and without worrying my family. However, that's a big shopping list and I will be lucky to tick off a couple of items!

Struck by lightning while standing in a beautiful garden, at night, watching a storm .

I love storms with a passion - watching nature exert her powers and the dazzling displays of light, thunderous rain, noise, and the wonderful freshness of the air - it's as if someone has 'switched the universe on' for me. To round that off by being struck dead in a second by a huge bolt of lightning would be perfect - and it would probably save a cremation!!

(Not just yet though....I have a few 'miles to go before I sleep')

Pompa!!!

Knowing my luck that shot would come 5 minutes too early.

I am hoping to be shot dead by a jealous lover in someone else's bed.....however, there are several drawbacks to that plan, so a death at home to a little music would be fab. And, absolutely no mumbo jumbo prayers from a stranger thanks very much.

Peacefully pain free and with dignity intact, ideally comfortably at home after a quietly enjoyable day. As far as my family go (ideally DH would have gone before me) I would wish them to have a choice. Not to feel they have to be there at my end, to feel no guilt if circumstance or their own needs make it impossible but equally to be able to be with me if that is their wish. It is so important to talk about our death with our family. DH and I have talked and understand what each would prefer (there are some differences). The rest of the family are not ready to do it yet, I hope they will be before the time comes.

Yes, a peaceful pain free death in bed, having come to terms with 'life', in the company of my nearest and dearest. DH died very suddenly so there were no farewells or time for forgiveness and saying all the things which should have been said. I bitterly regret this and have to live with it, as do my children, however for him it was quick and painless.

I was with my mum and my dh when they passed away. They were both pain free and seemed calm.

My mum called me by my full name for the first time in many years and my husband thought I was 18 again and we had just met.

It was grim of course and incredibly. incredibly, sad but being there has made me a little bit less scared.

In my sleep would be best for me,but I know it wouldnt be best for for my loved ones coming to find me gone,so for their sake without pain like my mum as I sunk deeper and deeper,with them beside me,and my darling OH holding my hand my son and GD beside me,and my 2 girls to meet me on the otherside, I do make my wishes known,and make sure all paperwork is up to date,to make it easier for them,I am 20 years older than OH so the chances of me going first are higher

I'd like to go to bed, warm and cosy, and just never wake up again.
I visited my mother in hospital ( she had a chest infection). We had a lovely chat, and she said she thought she was feeling a little better. I left her at the end of visiting time, telling her that I would visit again the next day, and bring my most recent photos of her great Grandchildren (DGS 3 was six weeks old at the time). I had a phone call very early in the morning to say that she had died in her sleep. That to me was a good death.

Sudden and unexpected would be best for me, I think. The short, sharp shock sort...I'm beyond the age that such a death could be considered tragic and untimely and I'd hate to hang around long past my usefulness or have to suffer with some illness.

At the moment, my sister-in-law, (88) to whom I'm really close, is in hospital. She's had numerous operations, and the last one wasn't a success. She was told they could try again, but she said she's too exhausted.
She knows she's going to die very soon, and has accepted this, seemingly quite calmly. Her daughter is there all the time and the rest of us (family) are in and out, just sitting quietly and chatting with her and each other. It's not possible for her to be at home, but I think she's comforted that the room she's in allows her to be able to have those she loves with her all the time till the end. Something I'd want for myself.

For me the essentials would be time to say goodbye to my loved ones and knowing they were all ok.

I think we all have ideas about what we do / do not want in our later years and we all fear a long, painful illness where we are increasingly dependent on others.

My father often spoke vehemently about 'not being a burden' on his family - along the lines of 'If I get sick, you can take me out and shoot me, I don't want to be a burden to anyone!' He died of lung cancer. In the last 18 months of his life, he worked through his bucket list , one of my brothers became his full-time carer and we all saw him regularly and enjoyed getting to know him on a deeper level. I see those last few months as particularly graced. He died at home which is what he wanted. I think that was a good death and has made me less fearful.

Oh yes pain free, having said all my goodbyes and know that whoever I left behind was able to cope/standing on their own two feet. In my armchair in the conservatory in the evening sunshine (aged about 90+) listening to Classic FM having had a nice glass of wine- hopefully after my husband has already gone in a similar manner.