Losing friends

I agree Humbertbear we haven't lost our friends but it changes the dynamics of a friendship and part of our lives.

Two different couples have moved away but we email regularly, talk on Skype / Facerime and meet up 2-3 times a year. We usually stay with each other but also meet up if they happen to be in London or we are near where they live. They are still very good friends. You don't have to 'lose' them.

When we moved into our last home, we had plenty of new friends to "play out" with. As they were a lot younger than me, after a few years they started to drift away and settle down in jobs and relationships. As it was, we were the only ones left in the end, and even though I had been in the area for 35 years, I still felt for the first time there that I didn't belong and it was time to move on.

So we have moved on, my ties to the past have gone and, as I have just said to my son, once he leaves, I have no-one who will have known me for any length of time in my life on a permanent basis. Part of this is good as I can start over but when I have no-one to chew the past over with, I feel a little sad.

We moved away from our friends, later in life than most of you, but we keep in touch with some of those we left behind. One way or another you have to put yourself out to find new friends, they don't come to you, and we do have a small group from bowls with whom we can socialise, and of course most of them are younger than us, which is good. We do have a small group of friends from our old address with whom we have met up regularly about every three months, and we enjoy this, but we were talking yesterday about our next meet up which will be quite soon, and decided that this will probably be the last (after 30+ years), as we have to travel by train and finding it increasingly expensive. The end of an era.

And another problem is that visiting each other isn't as easy as it used to be, people getting older, not feeling able to drive long distances

Totally understand how you feel NanKate.

We have plenty of friends but two couples locally were the ones that we spent most time with and have known them nearly 40 years. Our children grew up together and we all spent caravanning weekends together and many other social occasions.

Just over a year ago one couple moved a good 4 hour journey away and had to sell their caravan. We do keep in touch and have visited both ways but we and the remaining couple miss them very much as they say they do us. I think we miss just calling and saying 'pop up for a drink' and the meals we would enjoy together. As you say NanKate the and of an era.

One of my friends of over 50 years moved some distance just over 2 years ago. We had moved away in our 30's but we still visited and met up regularly. Her family would come and stay with us several times a year and as she lived near my mother we met regularity. When my mum died we would meet halfway with our H's for a day or weekend together. Time has passed and illness has intervened and we mostly phone now. Although younger than me she won't use a computer so that method of communicating is out. I miss her very much.
Skype or phone or e-mail is a boon Nankate.

Yes Glamma I will be able to visit friend occasionally when we visit the New Forest, which is not far from Romsey where she is moving to.

Our other friend doesn't drive.

I realise I am sad as it is the end of an era.

NanKate will you and your other friend not be able to still travel to visit your friend or is it too far away ?

Thanks for your feedback. It must have been so hard Tegan to lose your racing group. I know that racing is to you, as tennis is to me. My late mum was a great racing fan and whenever you mention racing I think of her and that is good.

Syn I am fortunate that I have some lovely friends who I meet regularly and always have something to do. I think I am upset as this is a friend I have had for years and I wasn't expecting her departure. There used to be 4 of us who went out occasionally. We always had a Summer's Day out which was great fun. I will continue doing this with the one remaining friend, who I suspect will be equally sad.

Anyway onward and upward.

We moved fairly recently so we need to cultivate a new people group and I can see that when we have come to the end of the biggest projects we really are going to need to reach out and join things. It isn't easy but there is a danger in turning hermit!
As Tegan infers it is not confined to our age group.

Mind you, it first started to happen years ago when the children were small. All of our circle of friends suddenly seemed to move away because of their jobs and our social life imploded. I often think it's when my marriage started to fall apart.

It is sad when your people group starts to shrink so we need to be proactive.There are quite a few things which go on everywhere but often you don't find out unless you go hunting for something to join. Why not do this and even if you don't find anything perhaps you could start something yourself?

When our racing club closed down I cried on and off for days...we only met up three times a year but I looked forward to it so much. No one understood how upset I was at the time...this week would have been one of our meet ups so I'm feeling down in the dumps about it .