Is it fair, on this website...

??

And just who on here are you calling "unkind" Luckgirl. Dis that is one thing I am definitely NOT. I'm no bloody Angel but unkind I'm not. Never have been, never will be. Can you say the same? I wonder.

No sense of preciousness about my attitude to the bereavement forum. I have contributed to it myself.

Me too Imperfect. But in real life I know no-one who is not kind, so it may be the freedom of the internet that causes this.

Absolutely Monica, I agree, it does cut both ways.

I think many people hesitate to say how happy they are, how lovely GC visits are, etc. because these type of posts might seem insensitive to others and evidently can invite negative comments from those who are not in the same position. It really should be possible to celebrate the joys along the way too, without being made to feel guilty for them.

However, there is a slight suggestion in your post that there is a 'preciousness' about the bereavement forum: that there is some sort of intrinsic inequality whereby posters would not be allowed to post 'negatively' there, whereas bereaved people (among others) can 'bring the mood down' elsewhere.

I think there are several bereaved people on GN that make beautiful, supportive, upbeat posts on ALL forums, including the bereavement forum where lots of posts are both humbling inspiring. Equally, there are others who frequently post with the deliberate aim to stir up things and hurt.

I simply find myself wondering why people cannot be kinder.

A response to my post way back. I am very happy to have a bereavement subject heading and for those still grieving deeply to be drawn together when those occasions that highlight their loss take place, like Mothers Day.

What I dislike are the 'its all right for you' messages on threads being happy for a happy day or a happy event. OP would, rightly, be very upset if messages were posted on any Bereavement thread, saying 'cheer-up life could be worse'.

Like most families, mine has suffered its tragedies and untimely deaths, but I would never ever, rain on someone else's parade just because mine had had to be cancelled.

imp there's no need justify setting up the bereavement forum. It's a sad inditement on today's world that death and all its ramifications are ignored and smoothed over in real life, I think we would all find living with bereavement more manageable if it were not so.
As for the bf spoiling others joy on special days... happiness and sadness have to sit side by side in real life, albeit somewhat uneasily at times, so why should it be any different on gnet?
This morning in the little town where I live one granny will be rejoicing in the christening of her baby grandson, while another will have an aching heart for the daughter who lost a little boy 3 years ago. A young mum will be weeping for her mother who died suddenly last week, meanwhile trying to smile at the card from her preschooler, another mum will be so sad that her husband isn't there this year to chivvy the children to do breakfast in bed.
Me? I'm remembering my mum, who wasn't the easiest to please, while enjoying greetings from my children, but all the while with a tear in my eye for the daughter who would be a lovely mum if only she had that opportunity.
Bereaved folk sometimes avoid social situations to avoid spoiling others enjoyment, aware others may find their overwhelming grief hard to see, wanting to avoid being the "spectre at the feast".
Let's try to keep gnet a place where all can feel welcome and accepted in happy and sad times.
to you imp and all who have a sad heart today for whatever reason. X

I would hate to miss any sad announcement by any of the posters I have come to feel 'friends' with on here, and so not give a message of sympathy. So I will continue to check posts on that forum.

For now, happy Mothering Sunday.

Just to clarify, in January I asked Gransnet if there could be a bereavement forum and they immediately said yes and set it up. I have been on other bereavement forums and thought that this might be useful on a site where it is highly likely that people have suffered / are suffering bereavement.

I have started several threads to open up discussions, not out of self-centredness, but to get things established in the hope that this will help all concerned. I have belonged to other bereavement forums and they have been helpful to me so my hope has been that this will be seen as a useful space. Grieving a close family member, even years down the line, can be a very isolating experience and I think it can be very helpful to have a safe space - which should be beyond any criticism - for expressing thoughts and feelings. This often leads to others giving fantastic support.

I am aware of a difference to the Gransnet bereavement forum space because on other bereavement forums, generally EVERYONE looks in / joins because they are bereaved, where here there are clearly some people who are posting who do not, thankfully, share the same experiences. However, there has been much heartfelt sympathy and kindness expressed which I am sure is very much appreciated. But no-one is obliged to respond to anything they read.

I am sure it is never anyone's intention to bring someone else down by 'introducing misery'. That is exactly why I think it is better that there is a distinct forum for expressing and exploring grief journeys. Perhaps some people just press the 'last day' or 'last hour' button and read everything and anything and are then upset by what they read, but - and I don't mean this unkindly - that is their problem. Everything is signposted and whilst some thread titles may be misleading, the forum heading that accompanies every post is clear.






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Yes it is fair, on this website to have a Bereavement Forum. Very fair.
The forum seems to have been started this year. 6 out of the 8 threads so far have been started by Imperfect27. But so what? Others have found it helpful too.

You have suffered tragedy in your own life jingl. The forum doesnt seem to help you so dont go near it.

I am glad that the bereavement forum exists - it means that those who need to share their grief and seek support can do so - and those who do not wish to read sad posts can avoid it. Just avoid it jings and respect those who find it helpful.

Going to post and then CBA it is too contentious. I will remember my mother and hope my C remember me. Full stop.

Threats is occasionally apt ?

Threads!!

And some people give their threats titles which bear no resemblance to the content

In France it's the Fête des Grandes-Mères tomorrow - so maybe that would make everyone happy on here.

But some people start threads under the wrong heading.

I guess we're all different (which is good) , I always check which Forum a thread is in as some of the Forums wouldn't interest me.

Never mind, as bags says, live and let live

Yes, I do know that, Coolgran. But how many people actually read that bit? Which was my point...

Ana on the Active Page it states above each thread title which Forum that thread is listed in.

Apparently Sartre had "the honesty of an erupting volcano"! I'm aiming for that ?

So the long and the short of this thread is that jings, and possibly one or two others, think that the Bereavement Forum is unnecessary.

I seem to recall others asking for one though so it sounds a bit like live and let live.

Hey ho.

Me, sympathetic? Not bloody likely! Ask soop if you don't believe me

You could, of course, 'go onto it' if you just looked at the Forum list.

Does anyone actually do that, unless they're looking for a specific answer or discussion which would possibly be on that forum...?

But the point I'm trying to make is that no one 'goes on to it'. The threads are all mixed in with other subjects on the Active thread so if a thread title sounds interesting you'd probably look at it.