Difficult discussion and I have to be the one to do it.

I am a non smoker but this all seems a bit extreme and paranoid . I understand the concerns about smoking near the baby but surely this lady could go into another room in HER house to smoke .
If a smoker comes to my house I get them to smoke under the kitchen extractor , some prefer to go outside .
Maybe if you have `a word` about it with her she may decide herself to not smoke in the house .
In the words of John Lennon " curse Sir Walter Raleigh , he was such a stupid get" but apparently according to research, Ciggies are harder to give up than Heroin !

And they would probably, less politely, tell you you were talking garbage.

As others have said, just going outside isn't a cure-all, although definitely a step in the right direction.

Well done for raising the subject and getting some agreement, tho.

The trouble is smokers still have smoke smell in their system and on their clothes wherever they smoke. Standing near a heavy smoker is dreadful.

I know a number of relatives who grew up with parents who smoked and many of those children regularly had bad chests infections.

My parents did not smoke but I did on and off from about 16 but not really inhaling. It was "something to do with my hands" for about 8 yrs until I got a really bad chest infection for the very first time and decided to stop straight away.
The health issues of passive smoking was not really recognised or generally worried about until the 70s.
If someones clothes really stank of stale tobacco I would probably as politely as possible say so.

Well done!

Perhaps all those adverts on the tv have got through as well.

Well done, what a relief.

Yes, well done you! So glad that it went well. xx

Well done mammatj you must have adopted a suitably firm tone

I did it!! I rang her and said DD is concerned that you might smoke around baby, I hope you would go outside and the reply was 'I was thinking the same, we need to look after baby'. Well, this is a first. My youngest is 9 and we just kept visits short, as she was adamant that she could do what she liked in her own home!

MammaTJ repeat after me
" Mum, you know you must not smoke anywhere in the house while the baby is here. This is non-negotiable(if necessary) "

Now learn this off by heart.
Nobody, but nobody should knowingly risk affecting a baby's health OR make the poor little mite smell of cigarette smoke.
As I said, non-negotiable.

The advice given to new mums I understand is not to pick up a baby for 15 minutes after having a cigarette, so toxins must linger on clothes. That is if you really must have a cigarette.

My gd's other gran is a smoker although she has never smoked while gd is present. However my dd called to see her one day before visiting me. When they arrived at my house the baby smelt like an old ash tray.

Yes I will tell her for you mamma

How long is the baby going to be there for? Could he/she be put down to sleep in aNOTHER ROOM - ONE THAT'S BEEN WELL AIRED? sorry for the caps

The chemicals from smoking linger for ages. If someone goes outside to smoke and then comes in and goes near the baby, the child is subjected to passive smoking.

I wouldn't hesitate to tell any smoker to stay away from a child.

Grannylyn Imperfect27 Jalima thanks for your comments.
I also thought it was a bit extreme about the shirt but it had to be said and I got an 'eye roll'. However dh did pull on the 'back door shirt' for the first couple of garden visits and then it gradually dwindled.

At the time, I looked it up, and it would appear that toxins hang around clothing for about 10 minutes.

How does your DM know that her smoking had no effect on her children? Just because (presumably) no-one in the family got lung cancer does not mean that as her children get older they may not develop all kind of health conditions that have their roots in her smoking.

I would be unhappy to take such a young baby into the house of a heavy smoker, whether they smoked around the baby or not. I would support the idea put forward by OPs, that you have a meal out somewhere convenient.

I'm not sure she will understand, knowing how smokers can be.

I'll do it for you mamma I'd also be worried about the lingering smell inside the house from maybe years of smoking however spotlessly clean your mum is the atmosphere is going to be smelling of lingering smoke even down to the cushions on the furniture so a definate no no from me,can you not meet up at a non smokers home for the visit or is that to complicated I would just remind your DM that when you where young the dangers associated with smoking where not taken as seriously as they should have been and surely she wouldn't want baby to suffer in any way,I'm sure she will understand.

But if mum's not willing to stop smoking in the house she's not likely to allow visitors to throw open all her windows as soon as they arrive...

Open all the windows when they get there? Place probably needs an airing.

The chemicals from smoking will still be in the smoker's home so I wouldn't even want to take my new baby into the house. Assuming your mother isn't housebound, could you meet somewhere public, such as a restaurant, which would avoid the issue altogether?

Dh and I have never smoked, though my parents did. My mother gave up after one of my young boys told her she smelled horrid. but it worked.

As with imperfect , my Dad died of lung cancer at the age of 69, too young and missed many happy years with his GSs.

I am more than happy to tell someone not to smoke in my house or near my grandchildren.

x

How long is the visit going to be for? If it's just the Sunday perhaps you could all go out for a prolonged meal. She can't smoke then. If it is a whole weekend visit, I am thinking head out of window, or the garden shed. A confirmed smoker might not be able to go for too long without a ciggie.

petra!

petra

Coolgran that is a tip passed on by a midwife to a smoker who had a new DGC - keep an old coat in the porch to wear when smoking outside, leave it in the porch then the smell will not cling to your clothes when you come back in.

Don't be afraid of saying something - the new baby's health is paramount.

I agree - respect the wishes of the new mother. Don't be afraid to broach the subject with your mother. Apart from anything else, cigarette smoke hangs around a room for ages.
Although I used to be a heavy smoker, I would never smoke in a room with non-smokers. Though our poor children must have suffered at times - we weren't so aware of the dangers then. I did smoke when I was pregnant

My father was a chain smoker - and died of lung cancer at 72. I asked him not to smoke around my children and he never did. He would go into the garden if it was a long visit.

I think you know that it is entirely reasonable and right for your M to be asked not to smoke near a little child and I do hope she will make the right decision not to without a lot of fuss. I remember how anxious I was about asking my father, but I knew I had to.

I have never smoked. My ex-H had severe asthma as a child and was sent away to boarding school as a consequence. However, his parents still smoked around him when he returned home - they never seemed to put 2 and 2 together! They had to repaint all their skirtings every year because they were so yellow from the cigarette tar. Both of us grew up loathing smoking - me because my father must have spent a fortune on his 'fags' and we were a very hard up family!

As for the shirt ... well I do understand. If you don't smoke at all and are not around others who regularly do, the smell is really noticeable on people's clothes and hair and lingers long after. It really is not nice. Having that extra layer to take on/off will hopefully mean that the clothes underneath are preserved from absorbing the smell and the toxins.