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Having a bit of a moan.

(56 Posts)
NanKate Mon 08-Feb-16 18:33:40

I felt like bashing my head on the wall and shouting very rude words. Of course I didn't but it was a near thing.

My d-in-law has gone on a course abroad for one week and our DS asked if we would come and help look after the 5 and 3 year old GSs. What could be simpler.

We started off well on Saturday but now Monday both boys are playing up and are being spoilt brats. I love them dearly but DH and myself are counting the days till Sunday when we can go home.

My DS is helping when not working (he works from home).

I shouldn't complain, but this is the one place I feel I can say how I feel.

Must go the little one has just been sick and the big one says my sausage, potato and peas was delicious, so it isn't all bad. grin

Nonnie Tue 09-Feb-16 10:42:30

Keep them busy at home and when they start to get boisterous take them out to a field with a football. Have a set time when Dad comes out and stick to it. Some of it may be attention seeking to get Dad to join in.

Presumably in the daytime the 5 year old is at school so mostly you need to keep the 3 year old busy. Who looks after him normally if DiL works?

Suggestions:

Anything with pastry, cutters, proddy things, then bake, add icing and give him lots of stuff to decorate with, sprinkles etc. You could even take him to the shop to choose them.

Get paper sweet cases, pour in melted chocolate then put a marshmallow in each. Drizzle melted chocolate over.

Hide and seek but only in the house, we lost ours in the park as they were so good at it!

Finger painting

Sorting out which toys he is too old for - can take ages and requires lots of discussion.

Depending where you live there are lots of museums with things for children or simply going out in the country and looking at all the animals.

Lots and lots of walking, running and observing.

I could go on and on with what 3 yr olds like including all that has been said before. When you are exhausted playing Dead Lions will give you a short respite!

nanaGill Tue 09-Feb-16 12:27:32

I live a distance from my grandchildren and never see them other than with their parents. They are still exhausting!! I have learned to keep my mouth shut (mostly) about their behaviour as it is not the best. They are home schooled and so rarely are with adults without mummy or daddy around.

Would love the opportunity to put all these suggestions into practice.

granfromafar Tue 09-Feb-16 14:04:17

Oh dear, we all feel for you! I expect you are glad that the elder one is out at school during the day, though it's always a rush getting them ready on time. Does the 3 year-old go to any sort of nursery/playschool? Be thankful that it isn't half-term this week for them as I know some parts of the country (eg Leics & Yorkshire where our DGC live) are on half term this week. Great suggestions from Nonnie.
Re tablets - our 4 and a half year-old spends too much time (IMO) on his Dad's tablet. Amazingly, when we are looking after him he manages perfectly well without it, but thankfully is just getting into games like Ludo, Snakes & Ladder, etc, so will play those for ages with us. I'm convinced that playing on the tablet makes his behaviour worse! Good luck!

NanKate Tue 09-Feb-16 14:31:04

Thanks all for your good suggestions.

Today has been much better and they have behaved themselves. It turns out the eldest had had a tricky time at school yesterday and was venting some of his anger and upset on us. After a good chat with his dad and us he feels a lot better.

The youngest who is usually the easy one has broken out in his eczema so another reason for a tricky day yesterday.

To answer the question about their mum, she hasn't returned to paid work yet, this course is just to boost her confidence iand it is going well. Also her mum is seriously ill and we wanted to give her a break from it all.

It has really helped to discuss this topic with you all and I have every confidence we will get to Sunday with us all intact. smile

Galen Tue 09-Feb-16 15:14:58

What is dead lions?
Is it something dentists play?

Nonnie Tue 09-Feb-16 15:17:43

Galen grin No much kinder than that, they have to lie on the floor and see who can be quiet and not move for the longest!

Galen Tue 09-Feb-16 15:19:20

Humph about 5 secs would be the limit for my two

Nonnie Tue 09-Feb-16 15:27:25

You have to have a prize for the winner Galen!

Galen Tue 09-Feb-16 16:00:36

Sounds like bribery and corruption to me! ( what sort of prize do you recommend?)

Gagagran Tue 09-Feb-16 16:01:20

We called it "sleeping logs". It only works for a short time though before they get bored!

mcem Tue 09-Feb-16 16:06:46

Long weekend looming. Dd1's ex has dgs (6) and dgd (5) mon to thurs am this week and I take over on thurs after school. Although ( like kittylester and others) I normally refer to him as the idiot, he is having to pull his weight while mum (dd1) is in hospital for 3 weeks. Mum's lovely new partner works full-time including weekend shifts.
We have a very co-operative wider family and dd2 plans to visit for tea and ds will come along to play board games. They'll also do some dog-walking with them!
Dgs is a whizz at draughts and is keen to learn to play chess so I've ordered a new set. New games from Santa will be unboxed too!
Add in drawing, baking, playdoh and playing schools and I hope we get through not only this weekend, but the next 3 weeks too.

Nonnie Tue 09-Feb-16 16:43:15

Galen that depends on the GC, must be something they all want so they compete for it. I'm a afraid a Grandma cuddle won't cut it!

TrueGaga but it gives you a short break! We used it last as the final game at a birthday party when they were all pretty exhausted and the other parents wondered why they had never tried it! I think some of the children were quite happy to just lie there.

Greyduster Tue 09-Feb-16 16:48:18

We had a very trying day with our nine year old grandson yesterday. He was sunny and full of chat when he came (even brought his recorder to practice shock! I had things which he usually enjoys lined up to do, but as the day went on he became very reluctant to do anything much. He didn't want to go swimming, or make cakes or do anything but play on the iPad, which he knows there are rules about. He had a new Harry Potter book so I suggested, as he hasn't got one, we might make a nice bookmark, which we started and then he drifted away from it. I know he had a severe case of cabin fever as the weather was awful and we couldn't get out to kick a ball about or go for a walk, but by mid afternoon, he actually said "nanny, do you mind if I go home at teatime?" It was like a hammer blow to me, as he has always loved to be here. We even had a few tears! DH managed to talk him round in the end and he was okay. We spent the rest of the afternoon playing games, and after tea and a bit of tele, he went to bed. I think - I hope - he was just tired. He was okay this morning, but he was going to spend the afternoon with a friend, so he was on a bit of a high. I hope it's not the start of "do I have to go to Nanny and Grandad's?" coming on. It has to come sometime I suppose.

rubylady Tue 09-Feb-16 17:10:34

Aw Greyduster, you must have felt really upset at him wanting to go home. He might though just have wanted to be in his own room, or bed at home. Sometimes we all feel like this. I was supposed to be going out yesterday but decided not to as I just wanted to curl up with my doggie and keep warm at home with Bradley Walsh. (Who wouldn't?)

The better weather is on it's way, so it will be easier to get him out and about but, like you said, there will come a time when he decided whether to stay home or to come to you but then he will be coming not because his parents have said he is coming to you, he will be doing it because of his true love for you, if you know what I mean. smile

Greyduster Tue 09-Feb-16 17:15:46

rubylady smile thank you.

Maggieanne Tue 09-Feb-16 19:26:56

I think we do slow down a lot, but the youngsters seem to have so much energy. We looked after out 16 month old for a few hours over Christmas and he was up and down the stairs most of the time, he is so fast, couldn't keep up. Funny, it brought to mind seeing a toddler screaming in a supermarket, another woman gave me a knowing look and said her grandchildren are like that....with their mum, but when she looks after them, good as gold! See, we may be old but we know a thing or two, don't we!

NanKate Tue 09-Feb-16 21:23:57

Greyduster I feel for you. I am sure your grandson was just tired of being restricted by the weather. It was definitely a case of cabin fever.

Our dear GSs who we know love us, still have played us up and been difficult and the big one says he doesn't want me to read a boring book which he loved at Xmas. The little one who is usually a dream to look after has been a little devil.

We know it won't last and as soon as their mother is back on Sunday she will have them behaving much better. I'm sure she wouldn't have given the boys 3 pancakes each filled with ice-cream, but I did grin

NanSue Tue 09-Feb-16 22:34:40

I look after 2 year old DGD 3 and a half long days a week. Of course I love her dearly but just lately she has given up her afternoon nap that always lasted at least an hour. Oh how I miss that hour to recharge and grab a cup of tea! She's often grumpy and difficult during that time. On Tuesday's I collect 8 year old DGS from shool and all he wants to do is play on the iPad because that's what he is allowed to do at home for far longer than he should. On trying to enforce " my house my rules" becomes a battle and I am ashamed to say the more tired I get the more SHOUTY I become with them both. It upsets me that I can't always be fun happy Nanny that a non hands on GP would probably be. sad

Victoria08 Tue 09-Feb-16 22:40:45

Well, the inevitable has happened.
My daughter wants or needs to go back to work and has asked me to look after 5 month old g.son one day a week.

Although I love him dearly I am not too keen on the idea.
Mainly because I am worried he might have an accident (sounds stupid I know), they get more mobile as they get older, obviously.

Another thing is that I have a bad back and seem to get very tired, very easily. I don't sleep well either.

So, all in all, I am not very confident. I enjoy having him for a few hours, but even that knackers me out. So what to do.
Daughter a bit disappointed when I said all this, but I suppose I will end up giving in, mainly due to guilt if I don't.

Anyone else have similar misgivings.

rubylady Wed 10-Feb-16 01:59:46

Victoria If you are unsure and think it may compromise your health then you have to say no to your daughter's request. It has been an ask, not a tell, you do have the right to refuse and she should understand if your health is put at any risk. You have done your child rearing and yes, it is lovely you say to have him for a few hours but to commit to having him every week and to be able to keep to that arrangement may be too hard for you. Plus it could alter your relationship with him if you feel put under pressure to look after him when you don't feel well or up to it.

If it was me I would gently explain that I wasn't up to it, that my health wasn't good enough and that I couldn't be relied upon to be well enough every week.

If she was taking him to a nursery to be looked after, would she leave him with a member of staff who had health problems and wasn't able to look after him all day without compromising their health?

flowers

Greyduster Wed 10-Feb-16 08:20:11

Victoria I can understand your misgivings, and I agree, you must think carefully about it if you are worried about your health. No-one here will deny that it is hard work, and can take it's toll. I wouldn't have missed the last nine years of looking after GS - I was sixty then and very fit - but if I had to start again now (or even two or three years ago) I would have misgivings.

I had a word with DD about grandson's little wobble and wanting to go home and she laughed and said "he probably misses his electric blanket", but she said she'd have a talk to him and find out what's at the bottom of it. It may be that, eventually, we'll have to go there to look after him instead of him coming here, but that wouldn't be ideal from my point of view.

loopyloo Wed 10-Feb-16 08:38:11

Yes it's hard work and works for one child will not work for another. My G S is very different to my D S, much more introvert and creative.I do find that that you need to change the environment every two hours or a fight breaks out. By which I mean a short walk outside or a trip to buy food . Mine are 5 year old girl and 9yr boy. By 9 years they really need their friends to play with.
Keeping them safe is the priority ,I keep meaning to do a first aid course.
Thank goodness for school.

Falconbird Wed 10-Feb-16 08:56:30

Victoria - not sure if you will be babysitting on your own or with a husband or partner.

I have 3 grandchildren and dh and I looked after the eldest one a lot when his mum went back to work. It was hard work but the plus side is I have a lovely close relationship with this gs. (Sadly my dh passed away.)

The second grandchild, a little girl age 5, never knew my husband and I didn't babysit so much so our relationship is less close.

I rarely see the third grandchild, age two, and she sees me as a kindly stranger.

If you feel you can manage the babysitting the reward will be a child whose face lights up when you meet him/her at the school gate, a child who you will laugh with and who will come to you for advice when older.

Having said this, if you're not 100% healthwise and feel you couldn't cope give it a lot of thought. It is hard work and can be worrying as well.

Good luck with your decision.

Greyduster Wed 10-Feb-16 09:04:56

"By nine they really need their friends to play with". loopylou you hit the nail right on the head.

NanKate Wed 10-Feb-16 21:32:45

Well we are more than half way through our 8 day marathon of looking after a 5 and 3 year old whilst there mum is abroad.

After a wobbly beginning with the boys seeing how many boundaries they could extend, we have come to a reasonable agreement on food, tv, snacks etc.

They have only asked for their mum occasionally and seem happy to have us as their surrogate parents.

Tomorrow DH is going with the 5 year old to a morning on problem solving at school. It's 65 years since DH was in his reception class he wonders if he will keep up grin

Roll on a Sunday, but having said that we have had so many laughs such as when the 3 year old said 'Are you bribing me?'

Really appreciate all the suggestions of activities. I am about to play a sleeping lion hopefully until the morning.