In the 9th month of retirement ...

Ooops. Pedal, not peddle.

Your post was like a breath of fresh air to me wildrose!

The main thing is, you sound content, and contentment and lack of stress and pressure is priceless. Like you, I feel slightly guilty that I am wasting my days in retirement. Some days I do very little but read, do puzzles, catch up on TV programmes, mooch in the supermarket, potter in the garden and decide I can't be bothered to cook an evening meal, so have toast instead!

It's lovely being my own boss, and you should relish that too. I think if you've had a work ethic and always been very busy, committed and reliable, switching off from that is hard to do - hence the guilt that life isn't busier or more productive. I made a conscious decision to take my foot off the peddle in retirement. Like you, I retired on health grounds and had to get by on a much smaller income.

I have friends who have timetables on their kitchen wall because they have 'activities' to go to every single day of the week. One of my friends, recently retired, has even planned her husband's days. He has to go to bowling, whether he wants to or not. He hasn't showed an interest in bowls in all the years I've known him! She goes to pilates one day, has to shop on certain days, do the housework on certain days, goes to the garden centre for coffee on a Wednesday, goes into town on a Thursday....you get the picture. Even weekends have an agenda and she gets up early and is out of the house before 9am most days. (Oh the joy of a leisurely breakfast/morning I say!) I don't understand why her life has to be so regimented, but accept that we are all different.

In retirement I find it hard to motivate myself and tend to be a spur of the moment person. If something takes my fancy I'll make an effort to go, but should it be something that requires regular commitment I tend to shy away from it. Strangely, I have applied to sit on all sorts of committees, which have involved me sending in a CV and having to be interviewed to check my suitability for the post. They are non-remunerated, voluntary positions yet I get a buzz from being involved and from others needing my input. My friends think I am weird, so I suppose 'horses for courses' applies in retirement.

Do your own thing. One of my favourite bits of poetry is "What is life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare." Retirement is hard to get used to, but I recommend standing and staring sometimes. Life doesn't have to be busy any more. Doing nothing can be extremely rewarding!

When I retired I had all these plans - bake bread daily, learn to cook with a pressure cooker, paint, sew, volunteer in the local Oxfam bookshop....
in fact, I did a voluntary cataloging job on a short term project for half a day a week last year, but that has now come to an end. As for the other plans, I have used my new breadmaker precisely once and got rather upset that it tasted exactly like an average fresh baked shop loaf! And the pressure cooker is still in its box . A few buttons have been sewn on and that's about it, while any painting courses have been ignored.
I was sitting on the sofa last week with my iPad, while Hubbie was on the laptop across the hall in the office, and I commented to him, how much we had both dreaded full-time retirement but how very well we have settled in to it and feel we have no need to look for extra work now. We look after the GCs a couple of days a week, and OH is involved in his local community and Yoga, while I have my choir and concerts. Life is relaxed but there always seems to be too much to do or think about - doing up the house, sorting out our son's wedding, visiting our youngest in Manchester or my Mum and our flat in Dorset.
Retirement is great, how did we ever have the energy for full-time work?!

Funny how so many of us finish working full time unexpectedly and don't have the ending to our careers we imagined. Sad really, but eventually we settle down again. I'm sure life used to be more simple!

GranJan absolutely get the "retirement by default" thing. I was confident that I'd get another job in my new location but I hadn't factored in the older and too experienced element or the dearth of opportunities in the north by comparison to London. So it felt like I fizzled out rather than properly finished my working life. And much as I love my new life now, I'm not sure I'll ever completely lose the sense of regret that unsatisfactory ending left me with. There, I've said it now! Yes Wilma I think you're right about the men/women thing! My old boy just settled into his new life with relish and really didn't get what I was on about, bless him!

Wilma and others - I'm glad to read your posts. Was suddenly and unexpectedly made redundant age 61 in July from responsible but stressful job as Customer Service Manager for IVF treatments. As no pension for 5 yrs expected to get another job fairly easily given qualifications and shocked that no-one is interested and looks like retirement by default. I haven't got my head around this yet and feel devalued and "invisible". You are right about the loss of identity as I feel people treat me as an old lady now and I hate having to rely on DH for handouts. Interested to hear about the Counselling/Lifecoach - perhaps that's what I need. I do have 3 GC-2 nearby and DH retires end of year but guilt reigns at present.

granniequeenie ironically I used to run stress management and pre-retirement courses in a different job, so I agree we don't always know ourselves as well as we think we do. It might be a generalisation, but I don't think men think about things like this as much as women. They can be much better at accepting things at face value.

chrissyh I don't know who said that, but I do like it.

'but I can't shake off a vague feeling of guilt!' What have you to feel guilty about your life sounds wonderful. You seem to have a good mixture of things you do. My DH and I have both been retired for 8 years and spend our time much as you do plus we are lucky enough to be able to have a few holidays/weekend breaks a year. Luckily we live near our DGC and have the pleasure looking after them 1 day a week. Hopefully, you have this pleasure to come, which you wouldn't do if you weren't retired. As somebody once said - 'a day doing nothing isn't wasted if you enjoy it'. Enjoy.

Michelle and Wilma I can identify with both your comments. Relocating and retirement have been positive for me and bearing in mind others posts I know I'm blessed to have good health and my lovely old man to enjoy it with. BUT that's said, 7 years on and with the benefit of hindsight. It made me realise how much my own sense of purpose and self worth had been linked to what I did rather than who I am....it wasn't a comfortable realisation for someone who finds doing so much easier than being. I felt rather invisible for a while, like a vital and integral bit of me was simply disappearing and I didn't like it one bit - in fact it was scary.
In the run up to retirement I had been concerned for my husband, anticipating he would struggle but in fact he walked away from his old life with barely a backward glance! Lacking in self awareness, me? Hmm pretty ironic, considering much of my working life was supporting folk dealing with loss of various sorts. We don't always know ourselves as well as we think we do!

This is a very interesting thread and Michelle your post struck a cord with me.

Actually when I had to stop going out to work (with the full support of my DH), I fought with myself for several years about my 'new' identity. I found it very hard to cope with the fact I no longer earned a good salary, drove a lovely company car of my choice, flew all over Europe for work, and had lost the status of a respected manager in a male dominated industry.

Suddenly I had none of that and not working didn't bring the sense of relief I expected. What made things worse was for the first time in our marriage, my DH brought in more money than me and I didn't feel an equal partner any more. I didn't have my health either and I couldn't play the role of a lady who lunches because we didn't have the money.

Quite honestly until I saw a counsellor last year (one of several in the last 15 years), I didn't realise a lot of my mental health problems were self inflicted because I couldn't see the truth about my situation. I found out that my feelings were about not feeling good enough about myself, and that my thoughts about what other people thought of me were not borne out when we examined them. For someone who thought of themselves as self aware, it was a bombshell for me and very upsetting. I thought low self esteem was something other people had, not me.

I am learning to be kinder to myself and not have to feel worthy in the eyes of others to be happy. It's not easy, but I suspect what I've said will ring bells with other posters on this thread.

Wilma says "The mindset that goes with working life is totally different".
For me it s more than mindset, it is about my identity . I have worked all my life from 15 till now ( 71 ) . I see myself as a woman who works , earns money , is productive etc . Now , there is less work around , I have days without work . Believe me , I enjoy myself . I don't find the time drags , and I have lots of activities . I do Art classes, I write stories , I make and mend clothes, I cook , and play delightfully with my grandchild . All good. What I can't shift is this the mourning for the loss of that other identity . I liked working , I liked the stimulation and the activity . I liked keeping up my appearance , and being somewhere . So.... if anyone else has bee through the same dilemma , I would love to hear from you . Must sign off, to get my walk in before the sunshine disappears !

Wildrose, I too was beset by folk asking about my 'plans' when I first retired from a demanding job that was no longer rewarding in any sense but the financial. Now it's six months in for me and am thoroughly enjoying myself doing 'stuff' but at my own pace. There's enough time to read the paper properly, to cook a decent meal and try new ideas, to catch up with old friends, to walk on the beach, to travel to see DCs and DGs, to (just now) watch the sleet outside, and even some gentle language learning. There's some volunteering in prospect, but I'll keep it limited to what fits in easily. DH is still toiling away though, which is the only thing that gives me a pang of guilt.

when I retired at age of 65, I also had vague feelings of guilt which I put down to what has been called the 'protestant wok ethic' i.e.. you should be doing something more useful/ productive, than just enjoying life.
believe me, it doesn't last very long....there's too much to enjoy !

I love this retirement malarkey. Your life echoes my own, Rose - apart from the fact that we downsized big time, from a five bed roomed house (that now seems absolutely huge!) to a 57' x 7' narrow boat. We wake naturally, have an afternoon nap most days, spend time together and have some time apart. We work very much as a team with handling the boat when we are on the move as well. Neither of us wears a watch and don't always stick to conventional meal times, often having lunch at three in the afternoon. We do bicker sometimes, it wouldn't be natural if we didn't and I have threatened to shove him overboard wearing concrete slippers from time to time. But we love our life, our general health has improved, we walk and cycle a lot more so our fitness levels have improved too. All the stress of running a care home has gone so we are far more relaxed than we were. Don't feel guilty about being relaxed and enjoying life. You just carry on as you are now.

Patricia and Claire your posts gave me more to think about and I realise that I am lucky to be in this position. Yes I worked hard for it but, as you have shown, life can sometimes take an unexpected turn. Sending hugs to you both this morning. And thanks to the latest posters - I have been trying to picture everyone in my mind

Rose

I am retiring in July and can't wait! I still work full time at two stressful jobs and will work on a part time job for two days a fortnight from September as financially I will need to supplement my two small pensions as I am divorced and have to support myself. However I am relocating literally yards away from my daughters and will be able to see my granddaughters and them every day if I wish and am so excited about this. Do enjoy whatever you do I certainly am going to, I am counting down the weeks left in my diary!

oops sorry!
I think we have the answer.
So - Enjoy it your own way. Some never get freedom to do their own thing because responsibility does not allow it, even in retirement. You never know what lies ahead so grab this with both hands and enjoy it!

I understand the dilemma's facing people about whether they will be able to fill their time etc in retirement. Years ago people felt they had earned their retirement. Why don't we? When you see job descriptions stipulaling "must be able to work under stress" I think

Thanks granniequeenie. Xx

I took early retirement at 55 and did intend to try to work for CAB but my body took quite a while to recover from work related
stress. I did feel quilty for a while, quite illogically of course as Id worked all
my life ! The answer for me was an 8 week year old puppy and he changed my life completely. My husband and I now enjoy the retirement that we both deserve because weve earned it by working for it for many years. YAY.

I watch posts about retirement with great interest. I'm still dithering. I get my state pension in 24 days and 14 hours 7 minutes and 18 seconds. (who's counting ?) It's the thought that I might turn into a slob or regret it that stops me. Also I keep hoping my once fabulous job, now heart attack stressful job will suddenly improve. I thought about doing some voluntary work.My sister says I've spent my life doing useful things for others and I should spend some time doing things for myself. I think she's right. Your type of retirement sounds great.

wildrose retirement is about doing what you want when you want to. I am always amazed by the friends I meet who tell me they have the washing on the line by 8am and are down the shops for 9! I'm usually just coming to. Still if that's how they want to live...I'm with you lose the watch, enjoy what you do and do the things you really want to. Enjoy your new GC I think being laid back and having an easy life style means we bring a special relaxed attitude to our DGCs that they really appreciate.

It's a hard call Claire when what you'd hoped for doesn't turn out as you'd expected and for you too Patricia for different reasons.
for everyone experiencing sadness or disappointment whatever the reason

Hello Wildrose, we live the life you are describing and love it No alarm clocks , no clock watching, very little stress, its a very good life.
We don't have a lot of money but enough to do what we want.
As for folk who keep asking what your plans are, well tell them you don't need plans, if you want to go away tomorrow, you can, no checking the holiday list at work or asking for time off, just go !

Patricia494 - commiserations - I do hope that you will be able to retire soon. I also feel very sorry for those who had planned their future round the state pension and are watching their retirement date float away.

Mind you, today has not been restful - I have had to make the same long circular journey 3 times to sort out my OH's drugs and to pick up and return DGD who has been with us all day - and she is not restful! But we love her!