Ageist 'compliments'

I am sat here in hospital having my monthly treatment for metastatc breast cancer and reading all the moans about how you are addressed. Please just be grateful you are able to get out and about and that anyone even wants to communicate with you. "Young woman/man" is a friendly figure of speech. You all must be short of something big to moan about.

pambo99 There is certainly nothing like illness to concentrate the mind on what really matters. I do hope your treatment is going well and you are coping with the side effects.

I don't get out very much and I am always pleased when someone addresses me kindly and gives me a helping hand. I don't really care what I am called so long as nobody sneers at me because it is possible that folk just don't know what to call you when they just want to be kind.

This is a very different age we now live in where so many people are sadly cross with one another.

Here I'm called Madame
In America I'm called ma'am ... or doll when in the local diner ..... or a straightforward howyadoin'.

I don't mind any of it in the slightest. Vive la difference and all that.

I've complained about the 'you dont look whatever' thing for years. I feel like apologising. "Oh, sorry, what should I look like?' We all know how gloriously diverse older people are so there is no standard look for 75 or whatever - thank heavens! As someone else has already said it just shows what an erroneous stereotype the person has of a particular age. We are what we are and vive la difference!
...and if I can add - when someone calls themselves '75 years young' it's even worse!

pambo99, you have a point. I don't think people mean to be patronising and I must say if someone told me I don't look 75, I wouldn't mind, although I might suggest a visit to an optician. . I know you have far more important things on your mind and wish you well with your ongoing treatment.

Definitely lol

Markmark1 I've just seen your earlier comment. If you don't like sarcasm then it might be a good idea not to describe those who have a different view from your own as "sad little things".

I think we are all interested in other people's age. Look in any news article and the person's age is always given whether it's relevant or not. Everyone wants to know how old someone is and some people just come right out and ask. I can't help feeling that's rude. People do it so they can slot you into a convenient box. If you don't fit their idea of how someone of your age should behave or what they should look like, they may express astonishment and begin patronising you unless you look considerably older than you are! Most people would draw the line at commenting about how ancient you look, thank goodness! I don't think people always realise they're being patronising but, 50 or 60 years ago, we were brought up not to make personal remarks. There's a fine line between a compliment and a personal remark. I'm 63 (64 on Friday, the only birthday I'm not responsible for remembering to get cards and presents for )

pambo99 Thank you for putting this into perspective.
Best wishes from me too

pambo99 apologies. It's easy to forget that people like you wish such trivia was all you had to worry about. Wishing you all the best for your ongoing treatment

pambo99 That is totally unfair. And you must know it.

As Pambo said let's get this into perspective!

It is all about intention, people can call me Ms Pen in a patronising way! it's not what you say..it's the way you say it!!

If the intention is to be friendly and kind don't behave like a miserable old fart and take offence when none is intended. Save your ire for the real un-kindnesses that are in the world.

Should we shut down all lighthearted threads on GN because there is sadness in the world? Maybe we should do that, for the sake of the poor souls on the German trains, and those in the tower block of flats brought down by he earthquake.

I have every sympathy for you pambo, but you have to be realistic.

I hope your treatment goes well.

I don't mind what youngsters call me, just as long as they listen. I hate it when you can see their minds wandering, thinking "what is this old biddie talking about".

I love being called ma'am in America , and if done by a nice man in jeans, boots and a cowboy hat all the better.

I live in a part of the country where people do call you 'love' , I don't mind.

I even say 'ah bless' on occasion , and I don't even mind if you dislike it .

I don't respond to 'oi you' but pretty much anything else is fine. As my grandad used to say 'call me anything you like as long as you don't call me late for dinner' .

Life's too short for names to irritate me.

NOBODY calls me dear ( unless they're talking about what it would cost to keep me!)

JBF, totally agree. To quote Shakespeare ' Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?'

There is room for everything in this life, light hearted moans about being patronised in old age, serious complaints about social justice and frivolous ones about clothes and Christmas.

But I do understand wherePambo is coming from. When DD was seriously injured in an accident and the best plastic surgeons the NHS could provide were in consultation to try and save and rebuild her arm, I felt ill when I read an article about cosmetic surgery, the thought that people could be so trivial as to want highly qualified surgeons like this to augment their breasts, or staighten their noses when others like DD and other patients even more seriously injured needed their skills to rebuild bodies damaged by illness and injury, disgusted me. An over-reaction at a stressful time.

Pambo I hope all is going well with your treatment

Evidently a number of posters have never experienced what I think of as the " shame" of old age: when you heave your arthritic body out of an armchair and let out an involuntary fart; when your hearing is so bad it's easier to nod and pretend you can follow the conversation because those with perfect hearing get nowty with repeating themselves; when you're out for a walk and your slow pace evidently irritates your companions... I could go on... But this is nothing in comparison to what really disabled people have to put up with.

Love it? Maybe we are all taking ourselves too seriously - it's usually someone's manner or tone that is the giveaway if they are using a derogatory term - wouldn't matter what they said but how it was said!

Sorry wrong thread - meant after pic of 'sprightly man'?

It is not the 'shame' of old age, it is the shame of those that patronise and get irritated with those with the problems of age or disability.

In my professional working life, I used to be addressed as 'madam', which I liked! Colleagues used to call me Mrs H, which they wouldn't have done if they didn't like me.
Here in South Africa I get 'ma'am' which is also nice.
In the north of England 'love' is a term used generally and is not patronising.
Often it is the tone and who says it which gets me. I was once called 'duck' in Stoke on Trent when I was there in my professional capacity and even that was acceptable because of the tone.
In shops etc I think customers should be called 'sir' or 'madam' whatever their age!!

I'd like to wish you well with your treatment and recovery pambo99 and take your point about 'trivial' discussion topics.
However in fairness to GN in general, I suggest that, if you post your concerns and worries on an appropriate thread you will find sympathetic posts galore, perhaps along with advice on coping in your situation.
It's not that posters are ignoring serious issues it's simply that this thread's op started in a fairly light-hearted way and previous comments were completely acceptable for discussion.
Many of us will vouch for the fact that GNetters can provide lots of experience and support and I hope you'll find that here.

I don't often take offence when endearments or a certain familiarity is used by strangers. It just depends on the context. I think there is sometimes a fine line between an approach which is intended to be friendly but might be perceived as presumptious or insensitive.

Actions speak louder than words though. I realised that I must have lost some of my youthful rock chick image when a much younger woman offered me her seat on a crowded London train. Admittedly I was swaying around a bit with a heavy backpack on. Had I not been getting off at the next stop, I would have taken up her offer.

It was a kind gesture and I appreciated it despite the jolt to my ego.