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Thoughtful Posting

(432 Posts)
Imperfect27 Thu 04-Feb-16 08:10:39

This may seem to many like a repeat of the 'internet manners' discussion that was aired recently, but I wanted to revisit the heart of this matter because of recent developments.

I recently raised a question about texting birth announcements on the AIBU forum recently and unwittingly provoked all sorts of reactions, incurring rudeness and insensitivity along the way. I am not posting here to carp about that, but to highlight it as illustrative of a wider problem.

I am relatively new to GN, but as a result of that thread I received several emails from people who are evidently upset about the way some GNetters post. I suspect there are even more who felt the same. Some are newly arrived, but say they have been put off posting full-stop. Some say they are leaving GN because they are genuinely dismayed at the levels of unkindness expressed and what seem to be pointedly negative / aggressive /insensitive comments. Sometimes when people have raised concern on the forums they feel they have been then publicly shot down in flames and it is usually suggested that they are too sensitive. Some people feel that others assume they are right no matter what and that they have an apparent right because they are longer term members.

I am not writing here to 'preach', or 'carp', or 'point the finger' - rather to think of solutions. none of us are saints and we are going to make errors and misread posts at times. Sometimes something is said 'tongue in cheek', but is taken as offensive. These sort of misunderstandings can be checked out and in my experience a PM often does the trick. However, like many who have emailed me, I honestly think some posts are an awful advert for this site and I really understand why others are put off.

Sometimes the problem may be that when a thread becomes very long it is tempting to skip and just add our own view. Sometimes what we discuss is indeed sensitive and emotive and we can find ourselves reacting strongly. I think it is a good idea to at least skim read other posts and to take time to consider views that may differ from our own and also to keep in mind that this is indeed a public forum.

Perhaps the litmus tests are
* would you actually say the same to someone's face?
* would you feel embarrassed if others actually knew who you were?
*would you mind your views being requoted in public?

Well, I have put my head above the parapet. I have done so because I genuinely like GN, but like others who have emailed me, I have been really dismayed at the way some posts develop and feel that at times we don't actually do ourselves any credit. I also think it is truly sad that a significant amount of people are evidently put off taking a full part in discussions.

rosesarered Thu 04-Feb-16 19:17:46

Elegran my family did the same ( we always said chaos as chos) as in'a right state of chos!)'

Jalima Thu 04-Feb-16 19:17:51

Sorry, should not interfere without reading all the posts blush
I see an olive branch has been offered or rather a cupcake

Stay out of other people's squabbles was always a good maxim and I should remember that.

rosesarered Thu 04-Feb-16 19:19:02

You could not flounce anywhere wearing moygashell!

rosesarered Thu 04-Feb-16 19:19:30

I was thin and tiny and it weighed me down.

absent Thu 04-Feb-16 19:26:01

Gransnet is not a homogenous group of oldies – and that, surely, is its strength. There are members who post carefully worded, thoughtful comments. There are others who respond speedily off the tops of their heads. There are many with years of professional experience in a wide range of fields who really know what they are talking about. Some will patiently explain why an ignorant and inflammatory posting is simply wrong and others who will express irritation with such ignorance. There are those with deeply held beliefs, whether religious, political, societal or whatever, who will never accept the validity of a contrary view. There are those who enjoy a good moan, often about something unutterably trivial, and those who trivialise topics that others consider important. There are those who have known great suffering in their lives and others who have been more fortunate and the people in both groups deal with these experiences in different ways.

Personal attacks are against Gransnet guidelines and should be reported. Anything else is just life.

wot Thu 04-Feb-16 19:30:01

Oh, my lovely mum! Her and her movable or whatever!

thatbags Thu 04-Feb-16 19:30:33

My dad did that too, elegran. MrBags and I still use many of Minibags's toddler words. She was very creative smile

Elegran Thu 04-Feb-16 19:32:27

Harking back to something I posted earlier above, about the deliberately agggressive posts which sometimes erupt - today five posts from one unfamiliar poster have been deleted. I remember a couple of them, which I thought looked strange. They must have been reported to GNHQ, who decided they breached the guidelines. That is what to do with a nasty post - report it. It may seem like "clyping" to teacher, but it means that they are dealt with and the poster warned.

wot Thu 04-Feb-16 19:33:46

I meant the fabric not moveable feasts or whatever. I getting cross with predictive texts making everything silly.

FarNorth Thu 04-Feb-16 19:34:27

Just catching up with this thread.
Seeing some habitually abrasive posters getting emotional over (what I perceive as) flippant remarks is seriously amusing.
grin

Ana Thu 04-Feb-16 19:35:59

DH and I did it too - for some reason French words featured prominently, such as 'oyzox' and 'erfs'...

Elegran Thu 04-Feb-16 19:36:06

Not everyone appreciates wordplay. I remember saying "monotony" to mean "monogamy" once, as a joke. It was received with puzzlement and a hint of, "Has she made a Freudian slip, and does she mean her OH?"

Elegran Thu 04-Feb-16 19:37:57

I do like it when two conversations are going on simultaneously. Easier to keep up online that in real life, when they really are simultaneous.

Jalima Thu 04-Feb-16 19:39:44

Online multi-tasking wink

I always thought that misled was pronounced mizzled.
It would be very easy to get mizzled on GN.

Elegran Thu 04-Feb-16 19:41:33

Three conversations at once are even better. Sorry, must go and eat my tea.

wot Thu 04-Feb-16 19:42:49

I've always been guilty of going off on a tangent but offer no apologies for it

LullyDully Thu 04-Feb-16 19:44:03

Are we done now? Truce.

wot Thu 04-Feb-16 19:45:01

A boyfriend once said my brain was like Lynford Christie. Mind you, he was a thicko!

Indinana Thu 04-Feb-16 19:46:47

Oh I like mizzled Jalima. Must remember that one smile

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 04-Feb-16 19:53:10

Jalima yes, an online flounce is a bit like in RL, except it's only a flounce when you take the time to tell the other posters you're going to flounce, the point being you could have just left the thread without posting again. wink

bags I used to skim over words too that I didn't know how to pronounce and then when I read Frank Herbert's Dune series, I realised I actually gave those words a sound.

absent I love your post. It would have taken me hours to compose my thoughts into such a well written post. flowers

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 04-Feb-16 19:54:31

wot my DH sometimes says to me that it's like living with the village idiot! grin

Ginny42 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:00:14

I really thought this site had a lot to interest me, but just a little too frequently I find myself reading threads which, without rhyme or reason, are spoiled by people posting what I consider to be angry/inappropriate responses.

I PMd Imperfect because I thought the post telling her to 'get over herself' when she was upset after spending hours worrying about her daughter going through a difficult labour, only to receive news that all was well via a text, was insensitive and inappropriate. In my opinion it really was a case of if you cannot post something supportive, then better to refrain from posting.

Someone posted a very sarcastic reponse to me. I would never be deliberately rude to anyone, and for an anonymous person to be sarcastic towards me was offensive. Saying that, I do have a low tolerance level for rudeness, so I possibly take offence far quicker than another person who can adopt a neutral stance. Now some people might tell me to ‘just grow a pair’, but frankly I have no wish to and anyway I have no use for ‘a pair’.

I rarely have to deal with rude people in real life, but if I do my usual response is to get away from them. I do not need them in my life. I totally understand that it’s unrealistic to expect everyone in life to be nice and friendly, but I truly hadn’t expected to encounter so much rudeness in a forum for mature adults. I would not tolerate it in my 'real life', and I find no pleasure in reading such posts in a forum I joined for pleasure.

Comparisons with Mumsnet are unhelpful as it is no benchmark of common courtesy on a public forum.

On a website we have the luxury of choice, and having spent a little too much time reading and absorbing the tenor of many threads on GN I am now bowing out.

Thank you to those who befriended me. I appreciate your PMs very much.

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 04-Feb-16 20:03:59

We'll miss ya jenny.

Jane10 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:10:49

Spot on absent!

mollie Thu 04-Feb-16 20:16:51

I think that's Ginny, Jingle...