Next Christmas!

Ruby you are just a young lassie, get out there and make new friends, you only get one chance at this life so make the most of it. Enjoy your freedom, Good Luck

rose I'm glad to hear that about your DD, she deserves to be around positive people and I admire her for the fact that she hasn't cut the other person out of her life completely but took her company in short bursts which she can now handle. for you.

rubylady I had to encourage DD to change jobs this year because the person she worked for was a negative energy drainer and DD is one of those people who thinks it was my job to fix people, not just listen to them but try to the ultimate to make them whole again if they were broke in some way.
She still sees the person concerned occasionally, didn't cut her off, but doesn't spend all day every day listening, trying to help and ending up completely drained herself.
She said that the people she now works with are positive and inspiring.

You're right Anya and I have to learn where that point is from now on and back off a little. Maybe I do come on a bit strong for some people and they just want to talk out their problems, not have me run for the Superglue! Thank you.

Yes, some people are energy vampires Ruby

I think you have suffered from 'rescuer syndrome' - the urge to fix other people. My DD used to be aways bringing home stray animals, birds with broken wings, then (as she got older) stray or damaged people. She still does it - she's a target for the broken, the misfit, the loser.

It's good and kind, up to a point but we need to think of ourselves and give time to those who love us but don't demand constant attention and fixing. They deserve our attention just a much.

Thank you all, you are all very kind.

After a sleep earlier, I woke with a bit of an epiphany. With my mum being an alcoholic from me being a young child, I do think that I tried for very many years to fix her, make her better, put her right. But it never worked. So I do think I got left with feeling that it was my job to fix people, not just listen to them but try to the ultimate to make them whole again if they were broke in some way. And I have picked people as friends/partners who have been broke.

Strange as it sounds I feel that I have someone looking over me telling me to spend time mending myself instead of others although the need inside me to still help is definately there. I just have to work out how to help now without draining myself too much. Maybe the dismissal by my dad was meant to be so that I can focus on my health instead and it has been getting serious so maybe it has come just in time to do something about it, hence feeling someone is looking over me. I get this feeling from time to time.

I now feel quite relaxed, as though a weight has lifted. I was feeling guilty for not doing for my dad and my mum is very ill too and I don't see her, but she is vicious with her words so I leave alone.

I do think in life that some people are takers and some are givers and the takers drain the givers of all energy, emotion and spirit at times and they will carry on unless the givers pull back. Be careful if you are a giver, look after yourself more and learn to say "no". Take care, you are a very important person.

Got to agree with Teetime - make sure 2016 is your year.
Do something every day that makes you happy: shut yourself in a room and sing at the top of your voice, visit a nearby river/pond and feed the ducks, walk along a shingle beach in the pouring rain with the waves crashing onto the shingle (sounds mad, but I promise you it is very therapeutic!)
Reinvent yourself. Take hold of the reins and steer your life yourself, don't let anyone else do it. And good luck

That's a very good point Teetime

ruby that's brilliant - make 2016 a year of focus on yourself - its not selfish because others around you will benefit from your positive aura.

Ruby I do hope that this time next year you can look back and say 'yes! I did all that'.

Agree that we, as we enter the 'winter of our lives' (sticks fingers down throat emoticon) do need to take more care of ourselves by thinking a bit more 'me' but not at the expense of family relationships.

It's a fine line to thread, but a good balance to achieve. Best of luck.

I rather agree with angiebaby's post. I think I will do a bit of the 'me me me' thing now. In a good way. Hopefully.

rubylady
Here's to a brilliant 2016 for you ☀️??

I went to weghtwatchers, it worked for me, you need to stay for the whole session though. I chatted to people who were my neighbours too, that was nice. Good luck rubylady .

Treat yourself to some TLC rubylady and I hope you make some new friends in 2016

I`ve taken 2 Christmasses off from entertaining family, but am feeling a bit mean about it now, so will probably have people round again next year. Happy New Year to all!

look after yourself...treat yourself thats what i am going to do,,,,,its going to be me me me...........sod the lot of them,,,,,,,,,,family hugh,

Thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm not cross at all, quite the opposite really, full of making new plans for the coming months.

My big change will hopefully be that my son will leave for uni, which will make a huge difference to me. Some of you will know that I have had my hands full with him over the last few years and he has been both a pleasure to have and a handful to say the least. Not in a getting into trouble way, just hard work, like ADHD, busy, into everything, not doing as he is told by me, trying it on a lot. With my health the way it has been, this has been a challlenge. But hopefully I see the light and I will have some space to call my very own at long last. I have never lived on my own or had only myself to think about and even though I would not like to do it for the rest of my life, a short break of being by myself, get my head together, feel free, then that I am looking forward to.

As for other things, I have phoned to go to Slimming Club next week, lose some of the stones I am carrying which are not doing my health any good at all. One step at a time there.

I have some test to have with the doctors which I have put off due to caring for my dad, but seeing as he has not had any contact with me since he told me he wanted to revoke his LPA, then I am going to hand it back to the solicitors, social services can take up his hospital care and I can eventually start to look after myself better. I am not giving in, he was a bad father really when we were kids, battering my mum, had an affair etc. But I was giving him a second chance but he blew it, got angry and reminded me of the man he used to be which I cannot deal with.

I do think all in all that I have been looking after everyone else and not myslef from writing this. God, how I have let things slip with my own welfare and concerns. Hopefully too I will make some new friends along the way. I know no-one yet around where I live so that has to be sorted too.I do appreciate what you have all done for me, you have kept me going these last couple of years when things have been bleak and I do thank each and every one of you but it is time to pick myself back up now and get back on the donkey (not the horse, I don't want a man, just yet).

I wish you all a very happy 2016, if things are not so good, then let's hope that they get a bit better and we can smile a bit more. Happy New Year to all and I sincerely thank you all for your love and support. Xxx

Presents are definitely over-rated. Much more satisfaction to be gained from finding you have got it spot on for others.

I have just looked at your profile Rubylady. You are certainly young enough to change things. Decide what will make you happy, and if doing it is realistic, go for it.

How is the rest of the year for you? Xmas is only a couple of days, and we are inclined to expect an awful lot from it.

Sorry to hear things didn't go as planned. Maybe you are right to make changes.

I know that in our family we have made significant changes to Christmas traditions, over the years. Some family members have gone, new and little ones have arrived! This has altered what we do and how we do it. It will change again at some point.

I hope you have a better 2016.

x

Ruby I am sorry about how things turned out this year but I admire your intention to make next year different. Have you thought of any other changes you could make ( I won't say resolutions) so that life can be different?

ruby you sound a bit cross