What for you write in your cards - a cautionary tale

I believe some friends just pass through my life, but I like the idea of time of life friends too.

I used to write Hope all is well with you and yours, but then it occurred to me that this could be regarded as thoughtless because I didn't know their circumstances. This year I made a decision to stop sending cards to people where the only contact I have with them is by Christmas cards. I mean the cards that are sent to people who I will never see again or don't hear how they are via someone else.

This doesn't apply though to most family members. My aunt died last year and my parents had fallen out with her when I was a child. I'd only met her a few times since then, although I knew how she was doing through another aunt (her sister). For some reason that I can't remember now, when I started sending Christmas cards as an adult, I decided to send her a card every year. When her house was cleared, it turns out she'd saved every card I had sent her - and thank you letters from before the falling out. I am glad I sent those cards.

There are two old friends I send cards to that I haven't seen for years, but I know we will meet again sometime. I still exchange birthday cards with one of the one of them who was my best friend at school. I rely on her birthday card to me to let me know if anything has happened to her parents because I also exchange cards with them and don't want to send them a card only to find out one has died.

On most cards this year I just added something along the lines of Wishing you a Happy New Year for 2016.

I just don't think I should send a card to someone when I no longer know anything about them.

Happynan - I think time of life friends puts it perfectly!

Neither does it stop at the school gates as it is often seen in adults' clubs and societies etc and just goes to show that what we take as friendship often just isn't. Some are more open and giving than others in terms of friendship and we often get bruised when others are not but if we held back, just in case of hurt, we just might miss out on a really good friendship - so keep trying!

Greyduster I would put something like 'thinking of you especially this Christmas'. I think people still like to share the true meaning of Christmas even in difficult circumstances.

No Happynan that made perfect sense.

Yes it did appear twice!

Synonymous Sorry if this appears twice. I have just pressed post and it disappeared. . I was trying to say that I have also done the school reunion thing but I'm afraid it left me cold. I had no desire to meet any of them again. I actually went with an old school friend. We have kept in touch despite me moving 70 miles away 30 odd years ago. It goes to show that if it is worth keeping in touch then you will.

I read somewhere that some friends we make are time in your life friends, I.e. mums at the school gate friends, I suppose people whom you meet because you all happen to be there together. Then when that time passes you lose touch as all you really had in common was that one thing. Does that make sense or do I sound as if I'm rambling

Synonymous Yes I have done the school reunion thing as well. I'm afraid it left me cold with no desire to meet any of them again. I did go with an old school friend that I have kept in touch with even though I moved 70 miles away from over 30 years ago. It does show that if we wanted to keep in touch then we would have done if that makes sense.

Grandma60 - I too met up with old friends and in my case it was people with whom I was at school. There was clearly a reason that we didn't stay in touch and it was confirmed on meeting as we didn't have a thing in common other than our dates of birth were all in the same academic year and we lived within the catchment area. Only rarely does a deep friendship come from such a slim set of circumstances.

This year I have just signed cards with our names, usually I write a few lines saying what has been happening during the year.

I can relate to meeting up with old friend for a catch up.
While looking round a National Trust garden back in the summer I ran into an old friend from back when our children were small. We arranged a meet up with photos of children and grandchildren and had a lovely time. We did meet a couple of times since then but it seems to have fizzled out. Sadly I think although we had a lot in common being Mums with young children, sadly we are all very different people now and there wasn't much left to say

downtoearth I'm sorry to hear about your brother and sil, you and your family are having a tough time again. I hope something turns up for them.

That is so worrying downtoearth, what a dreadful thing to happen to anyone, but especially at this time of year. I hope they have somewhere they can go, even temporarily.

That is so sad greyduster and downtoearth I am sorry to hear that.

It is usually "every good wish for Christmas and the coming year" to friends and acquaintances; "love and best wishes" to family and close friends. My dilemma this year was what to put in the card to DH's brother and sister in law. It is not likely he will see the coming year and anything you can say seems trite.

How sad downtoearth just one more worry for you as well.I hope they have somewhere to go.

Sorry to read about your b and sil downtoearth. What a worry for them and for those who love them.

my brother and sister in law are about to become homeless this friday ..I normally send a special card ...this year I feel would be extremely tactless to send one and had decided not to do so,when out of the blue my brother said I hope we dont get any cards this year....am so glad I had made my dcision not to ..but very sad for them ..

wishing you a peaceful christmas ,good health and happiness for the coming year....but only to people I know well,if in doubt of situation will write thinking of you this christmas and the coming year..all best wishes from...

That's a pity Alea about your 'friends' not getting back to you.
At least you made the effort.
I also have the feeling with some people that if it wasn't for me maintaining links, they'd be broken.
Sadly I've come to the conclusion that perhaps sometimes it's better to just forget them and move on.
As for what I write in cards - yes, all of the above in whatever permutation is appropriate for the recipient.
I have never done a round robin and would rather receive five handwritten words than a typewritten A4 sheet, though it's sometimes nice to see pictures of grown up DCs and their children.

Thoughtless.

Love to all. Hope you are well does it for me. I wrote on another thread yesterday that I told 2old friends that DH had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and they both responded with "we hope you have had a better year than last year" Well yes thank you a miracle cure has been found!!.

Don't you just hate typos in your title??
What DO you write.....