He's gone and i'm lost

Oh Sheridan112 please don't stop posting just let out how you're feeling. There's a lot on here who are going through what you are trying to bare too. We know what it's like..it's the worst thing imaginable. All I can say is that I feel that only time helps us to try to deal with our new way of life it will never be as it was before. I will never get used to it, I just try to make the best of what I have now but I really want my dearest husband to come back home but that will never be...Please try to do your best to get through one day at a time. As time goes by you won't feel as terrible as you are feeling now, just try to keep that in mind. My best wishes to you. x

Oh Sheridan how I feel for you. Its now 13 months since I lost my darling DH and I still feel exactly as you do. Our grief is measured by the great love we were shown by our exceptional other halves.

No need to stop on here, Sheridan. It's a huge loss, and a huge shock as well, no matter how long one's DH has been ill.

Grieving affects us all in different ways, there's no right or wrong, no should or shouldn't. You will find some sort of peace eventually, but in your own time

Thank you to every one who has posted and offered advice and kind thoughts. It helpful to read about how other people have coped with their loss. As you can see it's Saturday evening and once again I've done my count down, I'm hoping that one day I can stop doing it but not at the moment. This is the first time I have posted anything anywhere but I had to get it out and I can't tell family it's too much. It's the finality of it. I will never see him again, he will never walk through the door. He will never make me laugh again. He will never tell me I'm beautiful and he loves me. All the in jokes we had have gone. We spent nearly all our time together. We worked together, he even liked going shopping, so there's nothing I do that I didn't do with him. So every where I go I see him and it's so hard. A life that was so good and so full has gone and I hate it. I know things will get easier but at the moment it's no help. I just want him back. I'm sorry I've posted another angry sorry for myself rant. It will stop

good morning Worlass, I too agree that as Sugarpuffiary mentioned that I am grateful that my husband is not suffering the continuous hurt as I do, there are so so many widows, unfortunately we cannot know until we lose our partners just what HURT is all about. My sympathy is with you, just 'hold on' as they say, after all there is no option sad that it is, just consolation that we do have the likes of Gransnet to express our feelings and are comforted by the comments and messages of others. Keep logging in to Gransnet....... it's good for us.
Enjoy your day and remember....... we are all here for you even though annoymously. xxx

oh dear Bennan, your lovely, lovely message, I am a widow (hate that word) of 8.1/2 years and so so sad not to have him with me. Hold on to all that love that you have for him and shower him with it and I do hope that he can return his love equally to you, although some men of our generation do find it difficult to express their love as they feel it, but what a wonderful generation we are from. Keep fussing him and loving him as you do, and I wish you many, many years of continuing to wash his woollen sweaters. I send my love to you both. xxxxx

Sheridan I've come late to this thread. I feel so sad for you and for all the others on here who are struggling to keep going without your beloved partners by your side. I cannot imagine it and dread the day I might find myself in this situation.
My heart goes out to all of you, having such unimaginable sadness and grief deep inside and yet carrying on. I want to put my arms around all of you. ((((hugs)))) and and my very best wishes that you will all find peace before too long.

hi there Ana yes well you know!

Hello biker, hope you're doing OK

Sheridan when you first posted, it took me back to another thread we used to have on here..in fact I have just re read it all and it brought back many memories of all the people who have helped me through what what and still is a very sad and unhappy time, there was some sadness on the thread but then some smiles. If you would care to read it any time just type

*Widowhood" in the search bar(top right hand side)
scroll down to where it says

"Widowhood/relatonships/grandparents/forum/talk to others"

It is strange looking back now to what we wrote, but it helped so much to be able to openly chat to others who were going through or who had gone through the same.

I met the love of my life when I was 60, 10 years ago. My DH is 5 years older than me, and we've been married nearly 7 years. 2 years ago he had major heart surgery and 2 weeks ago a mini-stroke. I can imagine all too clearly life without the laughter, the cuddles, the shared jokes -just the inexpressible contentment and pleasure at being with someone who you love, and who loves you, utterly - and it will be unbearable.

My heart is overflowing with warm wishes and condolences for the brave ladies who are going through such awful times ....

Wow, you are all wonderful! I'm so sorry for all of you who have lost loved ones.

And to think I told DH off for not telling me he had used the last tin of tomato sauce!

Geeljay you are not intruding. If your DW posted on here may I suggest you are doubly welcome.

I've hesitated to post on this thread as I felt that after almost six years I should be 'getting on with it'. As others have said, the sadness creeps up to overcome you when you are least expecting it. I still miss my lovely man every single day, despite trying to become involved in new things. Maybe it's because there's nobody there who knows what you are thinking and who can finish your sentences for you. I feel truly thankful to have experienced such a loving relationship for so many years. As Sugarpufffairy says, it is hard being the one left behind, but at least we are the ones experiencing this devastating sense of loss.
My thoughts and very best wishes go out to all who are suffering the loss of loved ones. Hugs to you all.

My Gillie died suddenly in February. No words I have read, and no support from friends, can touch the hurt you feel. I dunno, how long it takes, if ever, to recover from the loss of the one you love. As a granp, I intrude on here, because my wife used to love the site, and being a nan to 8 and a great nan, she always was willing to offer and receive helpful advice.
The thing missed most is our friendship, fun and just good old fashioned pleasure in seeing each other every day. It will be hard for you. Love and good wishes for the coming festive season. xx

Hi
I do the same thing about my last parent's death. I think the last death brought out the grief for the deaths of my other parent and my OH. I was so busy with trying to cope with the care of a very sick parent that I did not grieve properly for the earlier deaths. Every week on a certain day and time I just sit and cry. It is 3 years now and I am still the same
I am glad though that I did not leave any of them alone. My health has not been great for a few years. When I had a serious illness my first thought was for others and how I had to deal with my health problems being a sign everyone could see that I had failed to be able to care for my parent. I got myself together and cared for another 6 years.
I hate being the one left alone but better me than them.
Thinking of you at this difficult time. Sending hugs

So many kind words here for
Sheridan 123
I am a newbie on gransnet, couple of months, I think it's amazing reading all those kind words, virtual flowers
A hug from me too

These messages have helped me feel a bit better, and not so lonely. My darling husband of 35 years, my friend, my companion died 16 months ago, life is so hard without him. It does not get easier, it gets just different and I cope as best I can. Knowing I am not alone with my feelings, makes a little difference to my day

I can't even begin to know how any of you who have lost partners are feeling and I send love to you all.
Before my lovely Pa died we were talking one day of losing Mum (she died 4 years before my Dad) and he , so very wisely, said, 'you never get over losing them but eventually you learn to live alongside of it'.

Sheridan my heart goes out to you and all you brave ladies who have lost a partner everyone's loss is different I don't began n to imagine what. It's like so sending virtual hugs flowers

Sheridan, I lost my wonderful Margaret, 2 years and 4 months ago. So I know how you are feeling. We were married 55 years, and I've lost my whole world. Believe me Sheridan, I do know how you feel. I'm still grieving, I feel as if it will never end.

People say, it will ease with time, it's now over two years for me, and it hasn't eased one little bit. I don't think it ever will. Everyday just seems pointless now. I've joined a small group, of widows and widowers. We meet once a week for a few hours. It is the highlight of my week.

I'm sorry if this may depress you, but I'm just telling you, how it is for me. No one can wave a magic wand and make it all better. Perhaps it is worse for me, as I'm on my own, all my family are overseas. My oldest daughter, does her best, and tries her hardest, to fill my Margaret's place. I appreciate all she does for me, but no one can take her place.

I hope you can get over your feeling of loss, better than me. You have my deepest sympathies.

I haven't lost a partner but it's my beloved Mum's 2nd anniversary of her death two years ago last week. I was with her when we found out she had bowel cancer in the August and I moved in with her to care for her until she died in the November. I volunteer for my local hospice as a shop volunteer and also as a bereavement support volunteer. Since this time I have only be able to volunteer in the shop as I am still grieving and not sure if I will ever be able to return to that role. Everything I was ever taught about the grieving process went out of the window when it was me that needed it. I still talk to my mum sometimes when I feel the need. I speak of her often and take comfort in knowing that life goes on - but in a different way.

I feel for all you ladies. I've watched my husband deteriorate for 8 years. He has advanced Alzheimer's and it has taken every little bit of him now but he still goes on. I can hardly remember the good times. I know when he does go, I will grieve again.

Like Margaret I will be relieved for him when it's over.

Sheridan, I know so well how it is and am thinking of you. Reading all the Posts is very cheering, especially Anya's words of Nov 15th. It's a path you just have to take and no matter how good your family and friends are and you can laugh and smile with them, there is an inner part of you that hurts.
I have little post-it notes stuck all around saying things like, "Just deal with it" and "You can't always feel happy, but you can always try to flourish". Stuff like that!

Dear Sheridan I also sit and watch the clock I light a candle I have next to his photograph and sometimes just let the tears roll other times I sit and smile thinking of the happy times we spent together I get comfort from this little ritual I am also making cushion covers out of his shirts as I can't bear thinking of clearing his belongings I lost my beloved in August and feel like I am in limbo my thoughts and prayers are with you