What's your idea of good manners?

My favourites-

Saying hello to the shop keeper as you enter if it is a smaller shop as they/i do in France. Not answering my phone or talking to the person accompanying me when I am at the till. I think it is good manners to engage the assistant in any conversation or at least attempt to include them in it. They aren't there to wordlessly serve us.

Holding doors open for laden people, older people, wheelchair bound people. Holding doors open for men too as I leave or enter a room.

Stepping off pavement to let wheelchair bound people pass. Not taking up the whole pavement with a buggy or pram and especially not expecting the whole world to let you pass with your pram etc and then not bothering to acknowledge the people who do stand back -which is my particular bugbear. So many parents locally don't thank you when you let them have priority on the pavement. They seem to think that their precious snowflake deserves to be prioritised above all else, wordlessly without thank you's.

I expect people to stop for me when I am on the zebra crossing or one foot on it, not drive round, accelerate as they approach it in an attempt to drive over it first. I stop for them too and slow down as I approach the crossing.

Being on time and letting people know if I am delayed. Putting my phone away during meals, during chats with friends.

Nonnasusie, plus they certainly rarely say please or thank you! My own DH is very well mannered, so I can't complain there, but I remember when I lived in Rome and used the bus for work I always thanked the guy who handed out the tickets. Nobody else did, and he always looks surprised. I know it's a different system now, but that was back in the late 60s.

But the thing is, Ana, she'd be sitting there for ages while he leapt/crept round to the side the friend was on, waited to see her down, closed the door, then by the time he'd made it back to Harrigran, she - or certainly I - would have got bored and let herself out. And probably if Harrigran just sat there he would go and open her door ?

I agree with all the points made. I also hate it when paying at the checkout I hand my money to the cashier and he/she plonks the change on the shelf instead of handing to me as if I am contagious!! It happens a lot here and I consider it very rude!

He considers it polite to leave you to struggle, harrigran?

I suppose it is, though, Harrigran. I rather like that.

When I go out with my friend DH usually drives us, when we get to her house he jumps out of the car and holds the door open for her, likewise when we get to the venue he holds her door so she can alight safely. I, meanwhile at 4 years older, have to struggle from our high 4x4 by myself. He considers that polite.

All of the above, especially the please and thank you (we're British!). And like feetlebaum I too am inclined to say 'don't mention it' when people sweep through the door I've held for them without acknowledging it.

Another rudeness IMO is when people have their car door open across the pavement, for a lengthy period while they're rummaging around inside the car, even though they can see someone approaching with a pram who clearly won't be able to get past. This happened to my DD recently - the culprit saw her coming, opened the door anyway and kept it open. When she stopped and politely said 'excuse me please', he glared at her and muttered 'for fuck's sake'. Her politeness left her at that point and she said very crossly 'well you saw me coming, I was only a few yards away, what did you think I'd do? Walk in the road with my baby?'

Like passing in front of you when your trying to look at something.I,E,in the supermarket.

It;s probably also bad manners to get too irate at other people's lack of same...

Totally agree when one person goes on about themselves, and gets bored when the other person then speaks up.

Good manners is something else that comes from within.Coming naturally to a good caring well raised person.Its treating people the way you would like them to treat you.Alas,in decline.Even people who think they are well mannered,are not,sometimes.

soon I personally find it rude when someone does that. Maybe rude is the wrong word. Ignorant? Up their own bum? Impolite? I even get annoyed with this when it happens to other people and it's none of my business! It's just my thing I suppose. It doesn't bother me so much when you are just meeting someone for a couple of minutes or passing in the street but when you are having a long conversation with someone and you have asked how they are and they tell you everything that is going on with all their family and friends and what the dog had for tea and don't even say 'and how about you?' it winds me up. We all have our own 'thing' that gets us going and I'm sure there are PLENTY of things about me that irritate others! If someone asked about my grandchild I would always ask about theirs. That's just how I am and it wouldn't do if we were all the same would it? I wouldn't have anything to whinge about for a start

I agree with all of the points made here - and especially those relating to mobile phones.

As others have said, I think good manners are about having consideration for others. My list would also include:

Listening properly to what other people are saying and not continually looking around for someone more interesting to turn up (or perhaps that only happens to me!)

Not pointing out someone's mis-pronunciation or misuse of a word (unless you have been asked to do so);

Not boasting;

Doing your best to commit a person's name to memory and not shortening it unless you have been told you can.

More trivial ones for me are:

Not eating with mouth open or noisily

Not clattering cutlery on plate when eating

Elrel What a bad example to set a child.

KatyK That one really takes the biscuit - funny and infuriating at the same time.

I do agree that some things that the British tend to take for granted, like "please", "thank you" "excuse me" and "sorry" (especially sorry!) are not so commonly used in some other countries. This can sometimes be misconstrued as intentional rudeness.

As several other posters have said good manners are about consideration for others. Setting an example to children goes a long way to producing good manners in them.
I was shocked in a new school when I said 'Thank you ' to a girl who held a door for me and a colleague said 'Oh, you creep, Laura!' to the child. That woman later became head of the school, oh dear!

My personal pet hate is when I meet someone I know and ask how they are and they reply 'I'm fine' and don't ask me the question back

Heck. I think I am probably guilty of that one. Is it rude? [I agree with the rest of your post].
Is it rudeness to say how are you back? Am I the only one doing this faux pas?
To me, if one person says "how someone is" and then the other person asks back, it becomes a bit like copying? I dont know. I am not sure.

So if person A says, how are your kids, are you supposed to say "how are your kids back"?

Which conversations are we supposed to mirror?

Please and thank you. Agree very british thing. Had cousin over from America who said ' gimmie a drink bartender'. I apologised to the bar man and said ' he's 'American' as if that explained everything!

Of course, if he says yes... Then ask him to prove it.

petra next time ask him if if he can fart to the tune of William Tell, and look disappointed if he says no! He Will be downcast for the rest of the night

Just ignore him, petra, it sounds as though he's just trying to wind you up because he knows he can...

I have a dear friend who is married to a Neanderthal. He thinks it's very funny to fart and belch and never say excuse me. I have asked him politely to say excuse me, I have given him a glare, but it seems to make him worse.
I am at the stage now where I think I can't meet up with them again.
I'm not very good at hiding my feelings.

In Norway they have different manners to us. They don't use please or thank you. We had been skiing years ago and sat near a fire to warm up . Some youngsters barged right in front of us not saying a word, heaving us out of the way.

Even Norwegian SIL agreed they were rude.

But I don't expect British people to be rude......don't know why really!

You may be surprised to know that in Southern Europe they find it strange the British say please and thank you all the time. On the level we feel about the Japanese bowing.

I still get offended when people don't say it. I like to write an e mail or telephone thanking someone who has arranged something I have enjoyed like a couch trip, a game of bridge or just invited me for a cup of tea.

What I feel is bad manners is when people ignore new people to a group and don't make them feel welcome.

Mobile phones will be the death of normal conversation.

Texting and checking phones whilst in company is rude in my opinion. I always feel like saying 'is there somewhere you would rather be?' All the obvious ones like not saying thank you when a door is held open for you (my DH said to someone once who did that to him 'pardon?' She said 'I didn't say anything' DH replied 'oh, I could have sworn I heard you say thank you'. My personal pet hate is when I meet someone I know and ask how they are and they reply 'I'm fine' and don't ask me the question back. It makes my blood boil. When we were in our local pub a few weeks ago, a lady we know picked up her drink, left the table she was sitting at with her family and plonked herself down with us. She started telling us about the terrible life she had had and all her troubles. She went on for about 20 minutes with me and DH nodding and making sympathetic noises. I started to speak about something that had happened in my life. I had got about three words out and she stood up and said 'Yes, terrible isn't it' picked up her drink and went back to her own table.

I agree about consideration for others. I think if you always try to ensure that what you do doesn't impact adversely on others you won't go far wrong. Of course when you do a swift and unconditional apology is paramount.