i went ti visit my mum today and she almost fell out of her chair.......

Good reflexes to move first kittylester, but really for you to be going through this

Oh kitty Is your mum often violent or is it a recent thing?
It's so difficult to deal with, I'm so sorry. Is she like it with the staff too?

Oh dear kitty. I know what that's like. I worked as a Dementia Nurse for the latter part of my career. You sometimes need quick reflexes. I still carry the scars from the times when I wasn't. Hopefully it was a one off incident. Try not to take it personally. It's the dementia, not your mum.

Oh dear. Our very ladylike aunt became somewhat violent and was moved to a nursing home. When I talked to the staff there, they were astonished to be told that she had been 'quite a lady' when she was younger and very charming and 'proper'.
So sad when a personality disappears behind this illness.

Yes Kitty, Hilda is spot on, worked within Dementia care over 20 years, have counselled many many relatives that it isn't personal, but they still hurt.

kitty

How hard it is for you. I too worked on a dementia unit and have every sympathy with your situation.

Mum had to leave the first home she was in because she became violent and was put on Memantine (sp?) which worked (was working?) in controlling her mood.

I didn't enjoy yesterday as she was horrid to the lovely staff and, while I know they can cope with it, I find it mortifying and keep apologising for her!

She also asked me if my husband had left me yet. I said that he hadn't but did she know something I didn't? She just said 'Well, I wouldn't tell you if I did!' and smirked. Whilst I'm fairly sure that DH isn't going any where, it took me back to the horrid things she used to say when I was younger.

The staff there are really good at giving relatives a big hug as they are leaving!!

You deserved that hug, also and a with just a tiny Kittylester, she still has the ability to hurt because she is your mother, but it is the dementia speaking.

kitty what a bad experience for you but I know your sense of humour will help you bounce back from this and you its the dementia talking don't you. Looking forward to seeing you at MH next week- big laughs then.

I worked in and later became Matron of a nursing home towards the end of my nursing career. It is a very challenging job when dealing with violent dementia patients but is also very rewarding.
In line with previous posts I would say it is not the patient but the dementia often changing peoples personality beyond recognition.....many relatives said it was like losing a relative twice...once to the dementia and again at the end of their life. Very sad but I think I was very lucky to have shared this journey with both patients and their relatives. Very rewarding

Teetime, thank you but I'm hoping MH is not next week or I'm double booked!

You are all very kind. I think I really wanted a little dotty old lady who WAS unlike my mum of old!!

Oh! Kitty have another one. (((hugs)))

{{{hugs}}}

Oh dear kitty
My Dad's cousin was the most refined, polite and gentle person I ever met but when the dementia took hold she used to resort to some fruity language. She was expelled from one home and on a final warning for another.