Paying for a wedding

There are lots of 'alternative' wedding ideas around, aren't there? Perhaps the trend is away from very expensive 'dos'?

Goodness, 50,000 pounds. Daughter's friend spent 1,000 pounds on her wedding recently. A small ceremony followed by a big party in a local hall sharing a massive paella.

800 to 1000 for a cake is just, sorry, obscene in the extreme.

I'm still recovering from harrigran's wedding cake costs - £800-£1000. Unbelievable, and now annsixty tells of parents being asked to cop up £10,000 quid. The mind boggles, as someone once said. Was it Spike Milligan?

My next door neighbours friends D got married last year and both sets of parents were asked to contribute £10,000 , the couple themselves put the other £10,000. The honeymoon was in New York and the Caribbean. Dreams we never could even have thought about. Don't now even. They already had a 4 bed roomed house.

We decided to give a fairly equal chunk to DS and DD. DD was embarrassed to take anything and felt the cost was their responsibility. They held the ceremony at a local stately home - to show those from down south that we up north can do classy . As we only had drinks on the terrace afterwards, it was not too expensive. The reception (party) in a village hall decorated with miles of florist ribbon pretending to be a maypole. Room hire £150.
DS's wedding was in another big house which is an educational trust.
I made both cakes www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/4578/creating-your-wedding-cake, which went down very well, although they were decorated quite simply to the brides' designs.
Chocolate and lemon cakes absolutely scrumptious - I left the drizzle off the lemon.
The little top layer of DD's went up Great Gable on their honeymoon.

Be careful to state the amount you are prepared to contribute and not just offer half or a third of the cost because their dream wedding may be a lot more expensive than your dream wedding.
DD married twenty odd years ago and I paid for everything but the groom's suit and it took every penny of my savings. I agreed to help because the groom had no parents.
When DS married I asked if they needed help but was told it was taken care of and we gave them a sum of money to finance their honeymoon. I was never told the cost but knowing the venue and the number of guests I believe it would have cost tens of thousands.
£800 to £1,000 is not unusual for a wedding cake.

Work out what you can afford and only offer that.

My sister's first wedding cost over £25000. I have to admit it was stunning but it turned out the groom was already having an affair with the woman who was later to become his next wife. He was a banker which rhymes with the word he became known by in the family

When DH and I married four years ago it was a sign of our commitment to each other so the 'must haves' were just me and him. My dress cost £15 in a sale and I used shoes and bag that I already had. DH wore his work suit. A friend bought a dress and shirt and trousers for the children as a wedding gift. The registry office cost about £150.

When our son got married 6 years ago we divided the cost £6000 between 3. The bride and groom, brides parents and us. It all worked out great.

DS2 and partner are both now 42, have been together since their joint 21st birthday and won't hear of getting married, although they have their own annual celebrations on their 'anniversary'. In a few years it will be their silver non-wedding! Their boys would like them to get married so that they could have a party! How can all these young couples afford to get married and buy property with University fees and loans repayments hanging over them?

The best wedding I ever went to involved a Registry Office ceremony followed by fish and chips in the Village Hall. The bride wore a pretty floaty summer dress and the groom shirt and trousers. A great time was had by all, as it was so informal.

So, the average price for a UK wedding stands at £21.500 - absolute madness - especially as couples then can't afford to pay for deposit on a mortgage (:

Time to stop the pressure on expectations by magazines and Posh and Beck syndrome.

Have a wonderful day SueDonim. I loved being involved with all the planning for the DDs' weddings. A hectic time, but such fun.

My oldest daughter marries in three weeks time. We're lucky enough to be able to afford to contribute generously but it's still eye-watering to look at the bank account!

We've paid for the dress & 'maids outfits, photos and for the venue (no cars as it's all under one roof). The B&G are paying for the cake, flowers and various other items I've forgotten now. The groom's parents are paying for the drinks and a canapé reception.

In a moment of madness I said I'd host a wine & nibbles do the night before the wedding at our house, for our side of the family. I'm awash in disposable this, that and the other now.

When dh and I married in 1972 we had a small wedding, most of which we paid ourselves.

My DD said, very wisely, I think, that she wants a wonderful marriage rather than a wonderful wedding. She and her long term partner are probably going to tie the knot next summer, and I daresay it will be fairly low key, but very beautiful. I'm charged with making the cake - ooh - err!

Well - in 1964 I married my first husband and the total cost was £100 - which had been left to me in an Aunt's Will. A registry office do, with small reception with immediate friends and family in my rented flat.

5 years ago my son was married at a very large and impressive venue, 150 guests, a 3 day celebration (we paid our own hotel bills) and I believe the total cost was very near to £50,000 (paid for by the bride's parents).
They now have two beautiful children, a lovely house - but are asset rich and cash poor. The wedding was brilliant, and memorable - but from where we are sitting now, I am sure they would be glad to have funds, rather than memories. Maybe I am wrong................

I agree Eloethan, because in the past the bride went from her parental home
To a home with her new husband, and was probably much younger than today's brides, who are not only older, but most have better jobs now too and have often lived with their partners for years.Therefore are better placed to pay for wedding costs.

I'm just hoping DS2 and his GF get a move on and marry while DIY weddings are still popular. They go to loads of weddings and are always impressed by the ones which cost the least. She caught the bouquet at the last one, so we are hopeful!

My first wedding was organised by and payed for by my parents. I had little say in it. That marriage ended 19 years later. I have since remarried and my DH had never before been married, so we did the whole thing, white dress, (well champagne), service and reception in local hotel for about 120 guests. No official photographer, my only regret, the whole thing cost about £10,000 and I don't regret a penny. It was a lovely day and we both deserved it. My son gave me away and my daughter was my bridesmaid. Both my parents were present.

Like KittyLester we gave a certain sum to each of our 3 DD's with the option of a wedding/deposit on a house/elopement/holiday/whatever! They all plumped for a wedding which were all completely different. In addition, I paid for the wedding dresses (all under £300) and in one case, flights to Oz and accommodation there. My Dad had recently died, so I felt happy spending some of his money like this. He would have been delighted. However, they all know that if things go pear shaped (hopefully not), they will all be on their own if they go round again. I bought a plain iced M&S cake and decorated it accordingly for 2 of the weddings along with a load of cupcakes. Really can't understand why people pay £££'s on a cake which most people leave on their plate! Flowers were given as a wedding present by a florist friend for 2 dd's. Classic car in one case belonged to Father of the bridegroom. So, savings can be made..... and a lovely time can be had by all.

41 years ago we got married for a little over a £100. We were buying our first house and both of our mothers were widows with very limited means. I got an Ossie Clark for Radley dress, which I then wore for about 5 years as my party dress, a John Donald ring and I made my soon to be husband a liberty print shirt. We invited our 2 mothers and had 2 gate crashers and we had lunch at a local restaurant. OH had suggested we marry then as my mother was visiting us and it would be good if she was there, he then arranged everything in the 3 weeks we had. The last thing he did arrange on his own. Weddings are a lovely time to get together but as lots of us have said, some have got totally out of hand. I arranged a party for ds who had married abroad, 6 years ago and it was in a lovely place with gorgeous food, etc. We paid for everything and it came in at under £8000, that's with a drinks bill of £2000. I think when you use the word wedding rather than party the bill can double.

As others have said, I think it depends on how much you can afford and how much you would like to contribute. I actually think if someone wants to get married it is their responsibility to pay for it. I'm sure most parents would like to assist if they are able but there should not be an expectation that they will do so and any lavish expenses should be borne by the couple in question.

Personally, I think this whole wedding thing has got completely out of hand. It certainly doesn't seem to ensure a long and happy marriage since the divorce rate is, I believe, almost 50%.

Forgot to add, the 2 girls and eldest son`s marriages ended in divorce, they`ve all remarried, but paid for he weddings themselves second time around, we just bought the wedding present.

When our daughters were married, we paid for the reception, evening buffet, disco and DJ, and the bridal car. The lads parents paid for the cake and flowers, and the church costs, and the couples paid for their own clothes, and bridesmaids or their families paid for their dresses.
When our sons married, we paid for the bridal car and flowers, and the church. On top of all that, there was also a wedding present to buy of course.

In 2007 ds wedding we paid for cars, flowers and cake. We knew the cost beforehand. It was quite modest and a cheque to the bride's parents for £1,000 more than covered it. They paid for the reception for 50 guests. The couple went away for the weekend and then back to work.
£2000 gift to the couple.
Mind you, it cost £6000 for 6 of us to travel to the wedding.

In 2005 other ds and bride had a double wedding with bride's sister. All the trimmings and vintage cars etc. We paid £1,500 for the flowers on that occasion.....

DH (second marriage) and I married in 2005. My outfit, party with dinner for 50, and a weekend away cost less than £1,000.

My first wedding in 1973 cost £1.25 per head at reception and £60 each for week in Venice.