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Decluttering - but how do I say goodbye to books?

(85 Posts)
petitpois Fri 25-Sept-15 09:38:01

I am having a massive clear out. So far I've been really ruthless and there are boxes and boxes of things ready to go to charity shops. But...I've now got to my books. There are many on the shelves I loved when I read them but I'm unlikely to read again. Still, I feel quite emotionally attached to them - I don't know why. How do I do this with no regrets? They're just gathering dust. But they feel so much a part of me. Any advice welcome!

notnecessarilywiser Sat 26-Sept-15 10:25:42

I can empathise about the emotional attachment we have to books! I had a massive cull recently, retaining only those books that I felt I would read again. I thought about which friends might enjoy the remainder and passed those on with the the instruction that they should pass it on to someone else when they had finished it. Anything else got taken to the charity shop.

Had I known about this excellent scheme at the time I would have incorporated it into my plans to share the love!

silverleaf Sat 26-Sept-15 10:35:28

I give and buy from various local charity shops and feel it would be an idea to write in a new purchase where one has bought it and then when it is bought again the next person does ditto.its journey would be interesting. Holiday makers take them to a different part to the country/world. I think books earn more in their charity circuit then they ever cost in the fist place .
I have a kindle but much prefer a paper book and think paper is due for a major comeback. Easier to read and you can drop them in the bath.

trisher Sat 26-Sept-15 10:36:02

I decided some time ago to split books into 2 sorts those I really love and can't part with and the ones I just read and liked but wouldn't miss. So Austen, Atwood, Tyler and Munro will stay with me. The who-dunnits and other things I read on holiday can go. Well that's the theory, so why are my bookshelves still overcrowded? I have parted with many bags of books they just seem to keep multiplying.

Persistentdonor Sat 26-Sept-15 10:58:55

I STILL have regrets about some books I gave away more than 50 years ago while I was in primary school. A gorgeous illustrated Heidi particularly grieves me. :'(
I would follow Anniebach's advice.... pack away some and store them for a few months. Make a note on the calendar, if you find the note with surprise the books can go with no regrets.

mischief Sat 26-Sept-15 10:59:52

I know I'm drifting off the subject a bit but I have recently discovered an app called Overdrive which is run by the library service. I have become addicted to a particular writer who writes fantasy trilogies. I read the first book and was hooked. I bought the first 2 books then bought one on Amazon Kindle but because that was getting expensive, especially as there are about 10 books in all to read, I tried my local charity shops and library but they didn't have them at all.

Then I tried Overdrive which can access books from the whole of Yorkshire and other libraries and there they were. All the trilogies, FOR FREE. I can read them on my Kindle, tablet or phone, anywhere I happen to be. It's very liberating.

Sorted. You should be able to access most, if not all, of your books through this app if you want to read them again, and if you don't, what's the point in keeping them anyway?

Blue22 Sat 26-Sept-15 11:37:34

I love my kindle , light in weight to read in bed and well lit to read at night and not cause a disturbance... It's kindle fires you cannot read in the sunshine as they are like small tablets, paper whites are great and small enough for the bath....just don't drop it.
My problem is I paint , I have my pics framed at quite a large expense , I put them into exhibitions sometimes I sell often I dont. So stacked against walls , under beds, cupboards full...here , there ,everywhere. And I paint BIG . We are hoping to downsize so the de clutter is on. My paintings really are like my babies I conceived them I gave birth to them.
I did take a heap to an animal charity shop oh what a palaver , they are big I am small . I felt as though I had murdered my babies....help please .

inishowen Sat 26-Sept-15 11:40:10

As soon as I've read a book it goes in the charity box. I was attached to books until we moved house 13 years ago. I gave all my books away then, and found I didn't miss them at all. Just think of making someone happy when they buy your books at the charity shop.

JennyB Sat 26-Sept-15 11:46:52

We right sized last year, giving away about 60% of our stuff, mainly to friends' children. We now have a house which suits us with modern and some craft made furniture. We also gave away about a similar amount of our books to our local Red Cross charity shop, keeping some best loved books. We both download books but also buy new ones which we share and often then give away to friends. We socialise and go to theatre, cinema and art galleries about 4 nights a week. It's a great life, Long may it continue, I read a super short novella by Linda Grant called I murdered my Library while we were doing the same thing.
Having done all of this you can focus on the future rather than the past, enjoy.

coppull51 Sat 26-Sept-15 12:27:06

Where I live in Wigan there are some Book Recycle shops. These are marvellous places who rely totally on donations of your books to exist for others. There are hundreds of books for you to look through if you want another in exchange. My grandchildren love going to these book places and you just pay what you think the books are worth. The book donations and the cash you put in the box for those you take away with you are how these places continue to serve the community. Check out where you live see if there are any local to you or, if you want to try it, start such a thing up in your area. I am sure that there are lots of others wanting to join in with you.

coles Sat 26-Sept-15 12:33:45

I have always been an avid reader, as far back as I can remember, even reading before I started school in 1945. O f course, as I got older my nose was always in a novel, but since my 5oth decade, I wearied of novels and now I read books on spiritual teachings, various religions, scientific /medical information. When I feel I have absorbed enough of a particular kind, I will pass it on to someone else. We have a Quaker Library in our village, which loans out all sorts of spiritual books, so I pass onto them; or at a local Peace Centre. I retain certain books for reference and have two large bookcases in my bedroom. I couldn't bear to use Kindle, I gain a certain satisfaction from turning a page, and some books I have had for years, because, as you change, so does the perception of what you read. I did start to write a book last year, to leave as a memory for my family, it included poetry too, I seem to be triggered in picking up a pen and off I go. Then in November of last year I fell and broke the Humerous in left arm, so I went off the boil, but come Christmas and possibly inclement weather, I am determined to see completion. Blessings to all, Margaret.

Grannyknot Sat 26-Sept-15 13:19:10

blue22 - isn't it a good feeling to send your "babies" out into the world and share them with other people? smile

Re the OP - I have moved so many times in my life (including moving countries) that I learnt very quickly to hate crates of damn BOOKS that weigh a ton (I must be the most unsentimental person!) So we have very few books - in fact in our current house the bookshelf determines how many books we can have. When it it full, we whittle it down again (and it is not a large bookshelf).

I don't need loads of books on display to show the world how well-read I am grin.

rosequartz Sat 26-Sept-15 14:05:40

Someone once told me that paperbacks are meant to be read then passed on to someone else or to charity. I try to do that, except for favourites. I use my Kindle most of the time anyway these days.

However, we have lots of old books which belonged to DPs and DGPs, lots of children's books that were ours, our DC's and books about any hobbies we have started and not carried on with (although we could go back to them). I still regret throwing out some old books which were given to my DF when he was about 7 or 8 from his father's employer, with his name inscribed in them. I gave them to Oxfam about 35 years ago, but I still think about them.
We seem to have books in bookcases in several rooms, more in boxes and even more in the attic.
I could start a secondhand bookshop, but I really should cull them.

feetlebaum Sat 26-Sept-15 14:41:44

@Doreen5 - So what is the benefit of having an empty loft?

rosequartz Sat 26-Sept-15 16:57:56

feetlebaum So what is the benefit of having an empty loft?

We cleared ours completely when we had more insulation put up there, and it gave us a great feeling of freedom!
However, it is now fuller than ever hmm

SusieB50 Sat 26-Sept-15 17:36:18

I have a kindle but as many of have said I am emotionally attached to my books. The kindle is great for holidays so the guy at the airport doesn't look in amazement at my book collection using up nearly all my allowance! I also read several books on my kindle hanging around doing jury service recently . But if I end up like my mum 92 slightly forgetful and fairly immobile I can read all my books again without remembering anything about them. Keep the books you really love and yes I too have this awful dread that all things electronic will suddenly stop working . Us Book worms will be laughing
then !
Having said all that , I will have the dubious task of finding homes for all my late father's books ( probably thousands) when my mum dies ! ??

elena Sat 26-Sept-15 17:48:48

We got rid of 100s and 100s of books last year when we moved. I have not missed any. I took boxes and boxes to oxfam who are very good at sorting books (my ds had a girlfriend who explained they did this very thoroughly and she was a specialist volunteer who researched prices and worked out where to send out of date information books, as there are collectors of this type of thing). Anyway, oxfam took them, and I opted for the gift aid thing. A few months ago I got a nice card saying so far my books had sold for a few hundred pounds and this meant they could reclaim £x in tax. That was a really nice incentive to get rid of some more!

Only problem is our shelves look a bit bare now ??

Greyduster Sat 26-Sept-15 18:35:35

elena, want a set of shelf filling encyclopaedias?

elena Sat 26-Sept-15 19:04:28

Nooooooooo smile smile

merlotgran Sat 26-Sept-15 19:19:50

I actually think we owe it to our kids not to leave them with too much clutter. I'm certain that all the hard work involved when Mum went into assisted care was largely responsible for DH's stroke. I was still teaching and although he had just retired, he was recovering from a hip replacement. He insisted on doing the lion's share of the work.

Her bungalow was stuffed full of clutter. She admitted as much herself. It was a stressful time for us both and we will not put our own kids through it.

DH's parents, on the other hand, de-cluttered when they moved nearer to his sister. Sadly they both died shortly afterwards and when we cleared out their flat I remember DBIL remarking 'There's not much to show for forty odd years of marriage'

I know who got off lightly.

petalmoore Sat 26-Sept-15 23:15:19

We have a large house, with books in every room, but I have found it very difficult to part with old favourites. I have developed several ways of reframing my relationship with a lot of my books by by (a) imagining someone looking for an out-of-print volume they can't find and rejoicing when they find the very thing they wanted amongst the ones I have taken to the Peace and Justice book sale in our town, (b) noticing how long the painful feelings last when I find that I've given a what I thought I'd never look at again - a much shorter time than the unease I feel if yet again I haven't succeeded in decluttering as I'd intended, and (c) noticing how new books cease to contain that magic something I was hoping for when I bought them, once they've been on the shelf for a few months, or even simply weeks. They somehow grow dull and flat and become imbued with a heart-sinking sense of duty, like a set book. I just find it works better to have several approaches depending on the sort of relationship I have with the books, and with what they represent from my past - I do tend to seine the moment when I'm feeling enthusiastic about having a good clear-out, and not to try it if I'm feeling depressed.

Nelliemoser Sat 26-Sept-15 23:48:16

There must be something wrong with me. There are very few books I really want to keep. I don't often re-read novels. I have a few reference books that are worth keeping, but I do really worry about the stress of clearing out the house when it comes to downsizing.

Having an OH who hoards and remembering the stress of moving house last time when we were no where near ready to clear out while the new people were moving in still gives me nightmares.

It will be the effort of trying to get OH to part with all the stuff in the house that never gets used and is cluttering up most of the cupboards in the house that worries me.
I am probably getting far too wound up about this. It's worries about what will happen if I can no longer physically manage all this myself and getting rid of some stuff that will keep a reasonable value.

I can see me and him arriving at a two bedroom bungalow with a four bedroom house full of the unused stuff that he cannot part with.

Elrel Sun 27-Sept-15 00:29:28

Oxfam's dedicated book shops are good. They look at what the book is rather than its condition and have a wide range of books. Some charity shops are turning into ladies' wear shops now and sell very few books. Some are only interested in very clean recent books. Even slightly yellowed books are often not put out on sale, they like books to appear unread.

If like Silverleaf you would like to know where your books go next have a look at BookCrossing.com. Books are registered, and labelled then released. It's great to hear a book you left somewhere, or gave away, years ago has been found far away. A copy of Skipping Christmas I'd released a long while ago suddenly popped up in the middle of Australia!

Elrel Sun 27-Sept-15 00:31:40

BookCrossing members also stock free bookshelves in cafes which have space and agree to have them.

durhamjen Sun 27-Sept-15 00:41:34

It's not just that, Nelliemoser. My husband was a bit of a hoarder, particularly with tools, screws, nails, etc.
Eighteen months after we moved here, he died. My sons come and ask me if their dad had whatever, and usually they can find it in the garage or shed, so slowly the hoard is getting whittled away but I dare not throw anything out, because that is what they will need the week after. I no longer have a drill because they have both gone to my sons now, but I would probably ask one of my sons to do any drilling. Not because I do not know how to, but because my sons would get upset if I did it without asking them.

durhamjen Sun 27-Sept-15 00:45:51

Books? I was told that every time you buy a new one you should give two away. I do try, so how come I still have seven bookcases full.
Every time we moved, the removal men would say not more books. In fact we always packed up books first because we knew it would take the longest.
However, I do know two couples who have more books than me.