Today ...

I am so sorry to hear that, and hope very much that she and all the family will get the proper support and advice.

Don't despair. With a diagnosis there should be more help available, and speaking from the experience of a friend whose DH was diagnosed 6 months ago with Alzheimer's, they found it was worse worrying about what MIGHT be wrong with him.
I don't know what medication is appropriate to vascular dementia, but in his case the pills he has been given seem to have at least arrested his symptoms.
Good luck, I hope you do find support and help for you all.

Oh dear, jogginggirl, I am sorry to hear that! Lots of us on here are dealing/have dealt with relatives with one form of dementia or another. It's a hard road but we are always happy to listen.

Sorry to hear that JG - how far has it progressed? If it's still at an early stage it may be possible to prevent some TIAs and other attacks and so slow down the course of this.

Oh dear how upsetting for you all. There is something positive about having a definite diagnosis though and knowing what your are dealing with. I hope you are all getting good support and care. xxx

Thank you for your kind and helpful comments. The Consultant told us there is no treatment for this vascular dementia but has kindly and patiently explained where we can get support and assistance. We have met some wonderful professionals on the way to this diagnosis so I am confident that we will be given the help my mum needs. I have a loving family and some amazing friends as well - ultimately I will take on the lion's share of her care but then she has looked after me and my family for many years - what goes around and all that (((heart emoticon)))

After a somewhat disturbed night's sleep and more of a 'slogginggirl' stumble than a 'jogginggirl' jog this morning - my mind is a little clearer. I have a hairdressing appointment this morning and then a school pick-up for the 6-year-old diva later - in between I will make my way through all the literature I was given yesterday and stay positive.

The really great thing is that my mum has a wicked sense of humour and that still rears it's head even when she is deeply confused and doesn't know her ups from her downs - I pray that when everything goes I will be able to make her smile

Thank you for reading, I'm pretty sure I will be back

You might like to join the Alzheimers Society forum Talking Point. It was a great help to me. Lots of knowledgeable and supportive people, and yes some laughs too.

P.S. There are people there whose loved ones are living with all kinds of dementia.

ninathenana Thanks for the info, much appreciated xx

jogginggirl

My uncle and aunt both had vascular dementia of different types. I found that the 'advantage' of vascular dementia over Alzheimers is that the person with it never loses their personality and remains the person they always were right to the end. My uncle lost all his long and short term memory so that conversation at the end was what we could see in the garden and around us in the nursing home, but he could still have a coherent conversation and remained his courteous self.

The mother of a dear friend has Alzheimers and her personality has changed completely, she is acting in ways that are completely out of character.

MOnica Mum has stroke-related vascular dementia. The Consultant explained that there could be many changes in her personality but obviously she couldn't tell us exactly what they would be. I have spent some time today doing research and the guys at the memory clinic have given me loads of information and invites to carer groups etc.

I am sorry that you have lost special people to this horrible disease and I hope your friend finds ways to deal with the changes in her mother. I guess I will have to just wait and see what the future brings and try my best to deal with it all.

ninathenana - thank you, I have registered with Talking Point, there looks to be lots of advice and support offered.

I experienced this with my mother - she had Lewy Body disease. It is a very difficult situation. I wept buckets for several hours when she stopped knowing who I was, but in a way it was therapeutic, as I then picked myself up and got in with all the practical things needed to make sure she got the right care. The key is to take her as she is as the disease progresses and not judge the quality of her life by who she was, but by who she is. That way you will not demand more than she can give and you will not be in a state of disappointment all the time when she does not live up to your expectations.

It is a tough road, but there is a lot of support along the way.

My Mum's personality did not really change - she was just as stroppy and determined as ever!!

Sound and gratefully received advice Luckygirl
My mum seems to becoming more and more afraid of everything - she wants company but then cancels all opportunities to have any. She still lives alone and is coping with most daily chores but is very anti 'help-in-the-home'. She struggles to use her cooker or to take meds at the right time - clearly some help (though minimal) will have to be put in place. On all other levels she is amazing. I guess I just have to go slowly and continue to be patient and kind whilst always putting her personal safety and well-being as the top priority.

If your mother has an assortment of pills to take it can be worrying that she won't take them at the right time or take more than needed.

MiL suffered from vascular dementia. We had the chemist make up her medication into blister packs eg. in one blister would be her morning pills for diabetes, BP, heart, etc. all together in one blister and then the same for medication throughout the day.

Her carers were not allowed to give her medication but they could supervise what she took at each visit. When she came to us, this certainly made life easier for us, as by then she wasn't able to cope with such day to day tasks. The only pill not included in this regime was warfarin as this was a different daily dose on different days.

She did retain much of her personality but had good days and less good days. She still knew who we were when she died suddenly in her sleep at 88.

My advice would be, don't try to impose our reality on her, it can cause anxiety. We accepted MiL's version of the world and didn't point out her husband was dead, when she was happily talking about him as if he was in the other room.

for Jogginggirl x

Thank you Anya We are working on different ways to deal with the medication but the blister packs sound like a really good idea.
We frequently have the 'where 's your dad?' conversation and then the light comes back on and she remembers on her own...

The were lovely julie56 - thank you