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Please read my poem

(6 Posts)
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Masterpiece Wed 23-Sept-15 20:47:34

I enjoy writing poems. About many subjects but mostly my feelings and experiences. Still a novice and maybe room for improvement. There are no uniformed rules in writing poetry but there is a number of styles. I am not sure what my style is and still finding my way and sometimes my grammar and formatting could do with a bit of work. I tend to write from the heart and the grammar etc is secondary. Anyway if you have time please read my poem/s and see what you think. This paticular one is about my current issues regarding grandparenthood and hopefully you will be able to read between the lines to some degree to gain an understanding of what is troubling me. Without having to go into to much detail with this being a forum.

CHERISH

Grandparenthood a cherished privilege
An esteemd role
Honourable and worthy of respect

Deserved
And should never be handed to
On a silver platter
To those whom have no merrit

Present day actions
Or past deeds
Poisoned!
Positive role model does not make

Blase'
Flippant
Manner witnessed

With incredulity
And dumbfounded disappointment
Role automatically bestowed

Ominous people
Whom believe the right is theirs

Innocence
Protection

Deligence is required
For choice and decisions
Consquences carry weight

Shoulder's not so broad
Bread of immensity
Cannot carry

Well being and future
Now imperilled!

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Alea Wed 23-Sept-15 21:24:40

I appreciate that what you write comes from the heart, but I would still think you need a level of accuracy unless of course, your aim is to shock.
E.g. You can't say "whom have no merit"
It should be
"To those who have no merit"
Hope that was just a typo, like blase' instead of blasé
And did you mean "bread" or " breadth" given the context of "broad"?
Good luck with your efforts though.

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Luckygirl Wed 23-Sept-15 21:59:36

Stick at it Masterpiece - I belong to a poetry group and have found it very helpful. The most difficult bit at the beginning was dealing with people criticizing what I had written - having a go at my "baby." Could you find a group near you? - I have learned such a lot!

The most important thing is not to fall into the trap of thinking you have to use "poetic " language or sentence construction! Just speak from the heart.

It also helps to write the poem, then grit your teeth and cut out at least half of it! - hard to do, but it pays dividends.

Good luck with your writing.

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soontobe Wed 23-Sept-15 22:33:38

Rappers dont speak the Queen's English, and get away with it big time.
So I presume poets can.

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rubysong Wed 23-Sept-15 23:26:21

Alea I think 'bred' instead of 'bread' fits in with what masterpiece wishes to express. (Apologies, masterpiece if I've got that wrong.)

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Alea Wed 23-Sept-15 23:39:54

Ah, I like "bred" nice play on words, apologies for not spotting that.
But "deligence and "whom believed""?
I do like the opening lines, up to the "silver platter" but after that I'm afraid it loses me.

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