Coping with worries

I used to travel a lot for work and often stayed in hotels. I had problems sleeping until a fellow traveller gave me a tip. Put the room TV on low. Worked a treat, dropped off with no rouble whatsoever. Give it a try. If I am worried at home I use my MP3 player with earphones so I don't wake Mrs P.

This is not so much a worry as an anxiety, and a weird one at that, I have a very strange hang-up which I do not understand. ..I always find when I sleep at other people's homes I cannot sleep properly...I have two grown up children and grandchildren that I visit at several monthly intervals. I am used to there homes and there bedrooms, but still find it takes me two nights before I can sleep normally. I have been invited to stay at a friends second home in France and I would LOVE to go BUT, my second hang-up is I cannot sleep in the same room as another person. which in this case, I have to share with another lady, I had to sleep in the same room as my teenage granddaughter, that I adore, a few years ago and still had this problem of being aware of another person in the room, which seems to stop me from sleeping....I have thought back through my life and can't find an answer to this.....do you think I need a psychiatrist?????.I am a widow of 17years,i know this isn't the reason.it seems my bedroom is my safe haven and retreat.....any ideas?

GrannyPig, we are in exactly the same situation as you, our children both live far away (140 and 180 miles). Our son is no problem, he is so laid back, we sometimes worry that he hasn't told us something important. But our daughter is a nightmare, she get so stressed about the smallest things. We feel so helpless that we cannot just pop round and support her. We do end up driving the 3 hours more often that not just to help. Skype is a great help, but when she is in tears on the other end we feel compelled to jump in the car.

GrannyPiggy Did your daughter do this with other worries before she became pregnant? I have a DD, resolutely single and childless by choice. the moment she has any catastrophe in her life she rings me, pours her woes down the phone I listen, sympathise, occasionally offer help and advice and then change the subject. She never takes any notice of my advice (at least not often), She just wants a sounding board to vent her worries/anger/confusion. She always resolves and deals with her problems quite successfully.

Could your daughter be doing this?

Welcome to the forum Ali
The first pregnancy is always fraught with worries and questions, it's so completely life-changing. A live creature living in your body, who you have to care for.
As others have said all you can do is try to be calm and re-assuring, even if you don't feel like it. Hopefully the baby's father is being supportive.
I was worrying earlier about one of our daughters who works too hard. Then remembered various grandparent friends I have in an orthodox Jewish community, who have 10-15 children, mostly now married, and numerous grandchildren. How do they cope with all the worries? It does help if you have close family nearby, not many people do nowadays.

Good luck to all of you who have DD's expecting your DGC.

Yes Jane I was about to suggest the BabyCentre web site. It is really brilliant and it has a forum. Loads of info and interactive activities including a week by week guide to how baby is developing in the womb and what the mum can expect. It doesn't only deal with pregnancy and birth but follows on with guidance on after the birth, baby care and toddlers. So informative, reassuring and down to earth.

I am currently on DD pregnancy number 6, not counting 3 miscarriages. I was at the labour of the 5 and at the births of 2. Very varied experiences, not all of them straightforward but a really amazing experience. It isn't easy seeing a DD in pain but being able to calm them and just be mummy to them when that is what they need was worth it.

A first baby and GC is exciting and also a bit daunting, isn't it? Remember the hormones are kicking in so your DD is probably a bit emotional. My DD1 is expecting her 3rd in 6 weeks time. She says she no longer has the time or leisure to think about the pregnancy or even notice all the niggles!

Good luck to you both

I should think so anno

She could join Mumsnet - or would that be too scary?

What about www.babycentre? It gave vg tips and info. At least I think that was what it was called. My DD didn't exactly enjoy her pregnancies unlike me but they were straightforward. I worried a huge amount about the birth and can only be grateful that I wasn't present. I absolutely couldn't bear to see DD in pain. In fact after the delivery I was more concerned about my baby ie DD than the new baby -although the sun shines out of him now! Good luck.

I have experienced 7 DD pregnancies and all is well. Some worrying moments; but they all came through fine as did the babies. I often think how nice it must be to acquire a GC without having to watch your DD going through some pain!

Thank you all for your advice
I'll definately try and take a step back after all she is a married 28 year old and as you say times and ideas have moved on
I'll still worry though as I do about all my children
Hope you all have a good day
Ali

I think you need to stay cool and keep reiterating that pregnancy is a normal and natural process and that most sail through with no problems. Unless you think her anxieties have some foundation, you need to be the voice of reason here. Good luck!

I would never have consulted my mother she was far too embarrased about such things to have been any use at all.

GrannyPiggy which one of you, is it you or your daughter who is most concerned? You do need to be careful not to pass on your anxieties to your daughter.
To be honest many things with regard to pregnancy have moved on greatly in that last 30+ yrs since many of us had ours.

Before the internet, I had Gordon Bourne's? book Pregnancy which was brilliant and not at all dumbed down, like quite a lot of stuff on the internet seems to be now.

This is a much updated version since my C1977 edition

www.amazon.co.uk/Pregnancy-Gordon-Bourne/dp/0330339125

There seems to be a lot of good advice on the internet.

Need an edit button!! Shouldn't try to make chili and post on GN!

I think breezy is the attitude to take Grannypiggy!

Welcome Grannypiggy

I have three daughters who each have 2 children and, w hen things like this happened, I would offer vague advice along the lines of 'Well, I had/didn't have that and, in the old days the advice was........, but the advice will have changed so I'd leave it a couple of days and if you are still worried, ring your midwife'

Is she with the baby's father? If so, he should be her first port of call now, not her mum.

It's a similar thing when the babies and children arrive, things have changed so much that it it better not to give too much advice - it will almost certainly be wrong!!

Having babies and giving birth is the most natural thing in the world and most go pregnancies go really well so the is, probably, nothing at all to worry about. As for doing to much, consider how she will cope with number one if she has any more.

Tegan, NCTs are a real mixed bag aren't they? DD1 made really good friends in her group. They are still friends and go on holiday together etc. DD2 and DD3 didn't gel with anyone on their groups.

Hi Ali, welcome to GN. I don't have a daughter so can't comment on the hormones but I do know that I was pregnant a long time ago I'm not sure I could remember every twinge or worry that I had.

It is easy to worry if that is your nature (as is mine) but how about seeing if you could find a good book for her that would explain some of the things that might be troubling her. Also, like already mentioned a group of other potential mums to talk to would be a good idea.

The internet is useful too. My SIL is having health problems at the moment and often calls me when she is upset about something. While we are talking I tap into the Internet and see if there is something I can find to reassure and comfort her.

Hope all goes well for you and your daughter.

Grannyp I can relate to what you're going through because my only daughter is also expecting her first baby. She has only another four weeks to go now and I have at times been so very worried - still am, to be honest, because her midwife appointment yesterday confirmed that the baby is 100% in the breach position.
Fortunately she only lives a couple of miles away so I can rush to her if I feel the need. But I don't because I don't want her to think that whatever she's just told me is worrying me enough to rush to her!
It is a worrying time for us grandmothers-in-waiting, isn't it? I don't remember being anything like as concerned by odd symptoms when I was pregnant - and I think that is the key. Your daughter almost certainly isn't as concerned as you are, and more than likely everything is fine, but she just needs to talk things over for a bit of reassurance. So just reassure her, then make yourself a and try not to worry.

I have daughters, but none have children yet.

Does she have preprgnancy baby books?
I think[though dont have experience] that baby books, a very little googling, and if was still not sure, the midwife.
I would try not to take on the worry myself[easier said than done], as worry solves nothing at all. So I would steer towards the practicals listed.

Hi Tegan
She's still working full time and studying for exams and with an hour commute each way every day I can't help but think she's over doing it but she is only 22 weeks it's just when she phones and asks me if a particular symptom she's experiencing is normal I'm scared to give wrong advice as its 20 yrs since my last pregnancy
And agree about our hormones, we've always expierienced this !!

Hi Anya
She phones me every day, always has done and I think it's the pauses as I try to think of a suitable response so as not to worry her that makes her worry !!
The pregnancy seems to be progressing nicely although she was rather sick for a lot longer than I ever was but twice now she has described symptoms that caused me concern so I have told her to go home and rest and call the midwife instead which has always eased her mind. But it doesn't stop me wanting to jump in my old banger and run ☺️

I don't have a daughter but I have been pregnant and my mum was the last person I'd have phoned if I'd been panicking (though I wasn't), because she was a world class worrier. Does your DD have a community midwife to look after her? And does she have close women friends? A peer group who have probably had babies of their own should be the best people to give support.

Hi Ali and welcome.

Yes, most of us have experienced this. Who is phoning who?

Not saying this is the case, but try not to let your worries come down the phone line. Unless there is a medical issue you haven't mentioned most pregnancies have their aches and pains but most turn out well.

Let you daughter talk, just calmly reassure her. Then move on to other less stressful topics.

Again, this may not apply, but beware of interfering. It's her baby.

Does she go to NCT classes? I'm not sure how I feel about them [they do seem to give parents to be some strange ideas] but it is a chance for them to meet up with other mothers to be in their area so they can support each other. As for worrying etc; can't advise on that as am the worlds worst worrier myself. Also have a theory that our own hormines kick in when our daughters are pregnant [which doesn't help either!!].