Reasons to stay Alive.....

Mishap I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering again. This is such a dreadful illness.

Our family has experience of what happened to your DS Phoenix, my thoughts are with you.

for you both.

I second that dustyangel although we all seem to help each other when the chips are down. I can't imagine what you must have gone through Phoenix but my warmest wishes for peace in your heart and mind go out to you and to all who suffer with the dreaded disease of depression. I feel like no one would miss me when I get bad, but even if it's my beloved doggie wanting me beside her at bedtime or my budgies screaming at me for food and a water change, then I am needed and wanted and loved and at the bad times I thank God that I have them to get me through.

I lost my baby brother at 12 hours old, I never even got to see him. I was 14 at the time and the pain never goes away. I go to his grave on his birthday and sit and chat with him, have a drink, spend some time, take roses. It feels inadequate.

Phoenix and Mishap you are both very brave ladies. You help others far more than you realise.

However long ago it was, an unexpected death especially still tears at your heart.
My first boyfriend (40+years ago) died aged 21. Even today it hurts.
((Hugs)) to all x

Phoenix - today is the anniversary of my brother's death. As I said it was a long time ago in the 1970s

There must be more of us on GN who have lost a loved one in this way. The ripples from it seem to go on and on and affect so many. Phoenix today must be especially hard for you and yours. Heartfelt sympathies. Words do not seem enough. ((()))

I wasnt aware of some of this.

phoenix I can't imagine what you are going through. As mentioned before, my brother did this (aged 24) many years ago but still when I look at photos, my stomach churns. Nothing compared to a son obviously but the shock of a family suicide is immense.

to you phoenix. And kind thoughts. Be gentle on yourself today.

Thank you all for the good wishes, they are appreciated.

I had half an ear on the Matt Haig interview, he struck some chords! Even now, 6 years on, there are times when I feel it very much in a physical way, like a sort of lump or knot in the chest & stomach area.

If I have something in my life, health wise, that comes and goes, I write all the things it might be , each day.
I do that for days and days. Most times a pattern emerges eventually.
Often the cause is due to 2 things happening simultaneously. Hope that helps.

Phoenix - that is exactly what keeps me here. That and the fact that sometimes, randomly, it goes away. If I knew why then I might be able to bottle it!

The book is very insightful on the subject of the sheer physical nature of the illness and how very ill you can feel.

I am so sorry Mishap that you suffer as you do. I am one of the lucky ones, I imagine - I've had many ups and downs in life as we all do, and various health problems, but I've never suffered from serious bouts of depression. I hope the book helps you - just knowing that someone else understands, has been there and come through it can be so supportive.

Phoenix I cannot begin to imagine your pain. Today must be so difficult for you.

for both of you, and I wish there was some magic I could summon up to give you both some peace.

Yes - that was where I heard about it - Radio 4's "All in the Mind" - I think that is what it is called. I have just been reading the first couple of chapters and it is good - really insightful.

Just listened to an interview with Matt Haig on Radio 4 about an hour ago (don't know what programme it was, I was driving). He has such insight into depression and I'm interested in the book after hearing him speak.

In bouts of depression I have often thought "what's the point" I am no use to anyone.

I don't know what to say Mishap & phoenix other than I feel for your pain.
A large bouquet of spring to you both and I hope you get some peace of mind x

I know what you mean Mishap but because I am very aware of the angst and deep utter sorrow that suicide causes, I could never do it. However I often feel that I could sleep, and sleep and sleep.

Oddly enough I went to the churchyard today, (DS2's birthday), and even standing there reading the stone I still struggle to understand "Why"?

Mishap I'm sorry that you feel like this. I hope things start to improve for you soon.

The subject title made my heart leap, and not in a good way.
I am so sorry that you feel that bad.