choosing your life

Thank you for sharing your musings on this topic. I sort of think that life is about making choices where we can and making the best of things at those times in life when we have no choice, or our choices are limited by circumstances.

It's an interesting thought Grannyactivist.

I feel I went down many roads in my youth, without giving them much thought. I was unquestioning so didn't think about what I'd do with my A levels. I followed my friend to Further Education in London, and again, I think I was too young and too naive to think too deeply about whether this was the right thing to do or the right thing for me. My career was decided. . I followed like a sheep, met my husband to be down there and really, from then on, much of my adult life was laid out for me.

With children came responsibilities and medical problems, more than I would have ever been able to foresee. I was tied down, but by love and would never have shirked my duty of care or my responsibilities but the woman without cares vanished and life became difficult. Husband didn't like the ties or having to do his share so I became a divorced mother. In those sad and anxious years -decades - I wondered why I hadn't made different choices.

Life became very hard with little freedom. I worked too.I suffered such unhappiness and felt very trapped.

It's easier now. The children have grown and I am very proud of them, but I feel that now is my time, mainly because I did so little while they were growing up.

This is probably true for most mothers, although modern man does seem to be quite happy to do his share of childcare. Women who have caring, sharing men perhaps don't know how lucky they are?

Now I can make choices but I am older, have health problems and very little disposable income. I could have fashioned a life and walked away from bits that didn't suit me, or have taken the traditional route of husband, mortgage, children. I didn't even think about the realities of all that when I was in my twenties or consider how that could all go horribly wrong.

There are no crystal balls for any of us, which is probably a good thing!

What do I choose for myself now, if life is about choices? For me it's about upping sticks and seeing the world, or remaining in my comfortable home, near to those I love.

We might have choices along the way, but each choice brings with it a new set of circumstances. I know I am not choosing to live in a certain way. I am tied by love, and a roof over my head -security and familiarity I suppose. I quite like my life, but I feel I have been so confined and have probably lost the confidence to break away.

I chose to leave nursing for teaching and, later; chose this early-retired life.
We are lucky if we have choices in life, not everyone- everywhere is so fortunate.
That doesn't imply that we always choose the 'right' thing though.
I've made some pretty poor choices now and again.
But one plods on.

Life can indeed be a bitch, but more for some than others. There are things that come out of the blue, which are undeserved, unexpected and unfair. Yes, I admire those who can pick themselves up and carry on.

But no one can carry on as if these things never happened. Tragedy changes people. Not always for the better either.

People may appear to be living their lives to the full, but inside are coping with terrible grief and pain. Life can scar you. For some life can never be the same again, but never the less they carry on. Somehow.

I most certainly didn't choose my life consciously - getting pregnant at 18 wasn't in my life plan! It was a case of getting on with it rather than playing the cards. (Or maybe that's the same thing? Musing...) But my goodness, it worked out so well - DD is 50 this year, and so is our marriage (they said it wouldn't last...)

I suppose playing the cards came in later - I went back to university when the youngest child was three, got all the qualifications I had dreamed about, only with considerably more difficulty (!) and had a successful career. And now the six DGC.

Getting on with it certainly applied to having cancer, crumbling joints etc. and getting old!

And dare I suggest, how we react to and deal with adversity? Let's face it, life can be a bitch, we see our loved ones suffer, we get ill, ultimately we all die and for some the time in between is pretty grim. There are those who let rejection or sorrow eat them up and destroy what life or happiness they might still have, and there are those who can still face another day and raise a smile or spare a thought for others. They have my fullest admiration and they are the ones who are living their lives to the full.

Many among us like you and me Letitia have been utterly powerless to change a baby's poor health, or that of a spouse or parent. But, don't we have some choice in "how" we play the game? None of us knows the rules, really, so we each have to figure them out as we go along. That's where some choices come in, I think.

Of course you can change things by diet, exercise etc - that wasn't what I was meaning.
I will change it to:
You can change your life by changing your lifestyle and ensuring you don't smoke, you don't drink to excess, you eat a healthy diet, you exercise, you keep off drugs, get enough sleep etc but there are certain conditions that you may be born with, or strike out of the blue, and they are the one thing you are powerless to change.

You may also do all the 'right' things and still have problems. e.g. My SIL has the healthiest lifestyle of anyone I know and yet she has 2 new hips.

My father had a healthy lifestyle and died aged 56yrs- my FIL broke just about every rule and died aged 103yrs.

There are also lots of conditions that you can do nothing about-- it is pure bad luck.
If you don't know how to play the card game then you are not going to make the most of what you have been given! Maybe why some people who appear to have all the advantages at birth don't use them.

Years ago when my son was very ill ( thankfully he got better) I vowed never to worry about the little things again. You can make changes with anything else, but we were powerless over health)

pompa No, that is one choice that I shall not be making!

I knew we'd agree on something eventually JaneA

leticia Of course you can change your health. Yes, there are certain times where you need medical intervention to regain your health, and yes some people sadly have genetic disorders. And obviously one day we are all going to die of something.
But there are lots of chronic conditions that are affected, and conversely can be improved, by lifestyle choices.
You can lose weight.
You can exercise more.
You can stop smoking.
You can avoid drinking to excess.
You can eat a healthy diet.
Doing these things will also help you reduce your risk of developing serious illness.

What if you do not know how to play that particular game, Letitia?
Is that why one particular card game is called what it is, if you know what I mean?

I have made some clear choices at both good and bad times that have driven the direction my life went but mostly it has been serendipity!

My parents were kind and loving and made me feel confident and content with myself and I am generally a cup half full person so when life gave me lemons i made lemonade but I did not have a life plan.

One of my mum's sayings was, 'It's not the experience you have but what you learn from it that counts'

For all those at a crossroads & with a choice to be made, good luck.

Absent, rather than black and white, think in shades of grey - might be more fun (or not !)

It is like the game of cards- it isn't what you are dealt- it is how you play them! People can have been born with the best of advantages and throw it all away ( they often do) or you can get a lousy deal and overcome it (they often do)

You are constricted in certain ways, but I chose my life. If I didn't like the way it was going I would make changes. The only thing that you can't change is health.

It often seems to me that I am writing my script in black and white but some bastard is filming it in colour.

In childhood we probably don't have choices and so have to live the life we are given, be it in a happy home, unhappy, in care or with questions regarding adoption, desertion or abandonment.

In adulthood we get to choose what we want to do in life, and so we begin to live the life we choose. Within those choices are times when we do just live our lives, when we are wanting things to be different or put up with how things are as some have no choice but to stay. Others choose to leave and start again. The same with jobs or areas of living. Uprooting and starting again is a choice, not something that just happens, plans have to be made and decisions have to be taken, that does not happen by just living your life.

I wouldn't have wanted to have just lived my life. I wouldn't have wanted to be in the same position now as what I was 15 years ago with a husband who abused me. So I made a choice and I have no regrets. Life, like the world has to evolve.

My ex next door neighbour was having an affair with a married man and had been for over 20 years. He was not going to leave his wife for her. She complained over and again how her life was crap but did nothing to change. In another 20 years she will still be saying the same thing. That is just living life. She will die a mistress to a man who did not love her. She does the same thing over and over again and expects him to leave his wife. He is not going to. He has told her many times.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the outcome to be different. - Albert Einstein.

This quote has changed my life.

I often wonder where I would be if I had stamped my feet and chosen nursing against my parents advice and gone into office work,everything evolved from there really the circle of friends I kept over the years,meeting Mr Right at the right time,children etc all just dropped into place and now very settled and happy with my life.

My sixteen year old grandaughter wants to go into medicine. Her younger sister wants to go into law.

I wish I'd had that sort of confidence as a teenager. I hadn't got a clue what I wanted to do at that age.

I think the only big choice I made was to do medicine rather than law! I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen the other way?
Everything else just seems to have followed on from that choice at age 16

I'm sure my life has just happened. I can't think of many instances where I have deliberately chosen between different directions. Most things were just the obvious route or what I was dealt at the time. I am however generally happy with the cards I was dealt and the way they played out, I can't think of anything that I would have changed.

annsixty

No, we have to make the best choices we can with what life throws at us - often unexpectedly.

I am sorry that life is not as you might wish just now annsixty and hope that it improves for you.

There is plenty in my life over the years that I might wish had been different; and some choices that I regret. But on thew whole I count myself lucky.