Why can't people take the hint ?

nina I would have eaten the meal - asked if he minded if we ate while he drank a cup of tea and had a piece of cake/biscuit.

DD had a neighbour who used to turn up every evening at mealtime. His wife had left him and SIL used to asked if he wanted to stay for dinner because he felt sorry for him.

(when I say neighbour I mean about 4 miles down the road on another farm, so not exactly next door.)

I agree with Elegran your good manners were wasted on him !!

We used to have a vicar here who always turned up at mealtimes hoping to get fed (he had a lovely wife and family so no excuse). As I am not a church goer he got short shift here and was not asked in (jungle telegraph had warned me in advance !). My ex DH probably still remembers said vicar spouting the bible while my ex was digging a deep trench (by hand/shovel) for a new water pipe.
Sorry - gone off at a tangent ! Going back to the OP - I would have eaten the meal while he was there as others have said.

One of my uncles was an exceptionally early riser and liked to make car journeys before the traffic built up (this was in the 1950s). He and my aunt turned up at our home at 8.00am for a Sunday visit. DF, having had enough of these early arrivals, told them quite politely to go away and return after 10.00am when we, as a family, would be ready to receive them.

They did, we had no more early arrivals and family relations remained amicable (I think my aunt, who was not an early riser, was glad of an opportunity for a lie-in)

They do say "Don't get mad, get even", but here I would say "Don't get miffed after the event, take hold of the situation at the time."

He came to your house, hours after he said he would be there, at an obviously inconvenient time, and disrupted your meal. If it had been a stranger at the door, you would have dealt with him rapidly and returned to your plate.

Being a relation, he chould have been more considerate, not less. You were hospitable and gave him tea and cake. There was no call for you to miss your own food and go hungry. You could have eaten while he consumed his tea and cake. Your good manners were wasted on him.

Not that yoghurt and fruit is odd

He had and cake I always offer refreshment to visitors and workmen.

If it had been a friend I would have found something to offer them so they could eat with us. He probably went home and had a yoghurt and fruit. He really does have odd eating habits
I was just a bit miffed at the time if posting.

Unless your relationship with your brother is severely bad, I would have made him welcome, offered him some food, and got on with the meal anyway.
Terrible waste to put it in the bin. Seems an awful shame all round really.

I would have offered to stretch the meal, making it quite clear that you were expecting an afternoon visit so there wouldn't be much for anyone.

Had he already eaten? If not, didn't he want to get away for his dinner also?

I would do the same as Gagagran said. It's only a meal, if he doesn't like what you are eating I would have offered him something on toast or an omelet.

I would have said that we were expecting him earlier and we are just about to have our dinner and asked if he would like a drink and or a snack. Can't see the problem my self.

I would have found a way to stretch the meal - extra veg, bread, rice, more potatoes and offered to share. It seems very inhospitable to me not to at least offer - if he had turned it down then he could have been given a cup of tea and a biscuit. I am a northener and it is a northern instinct to feed visitors. We would rather provide too much than not enough and always have leftovers after entertaining anyone to a meal as a result.

I would have offered to share what we were having, but failing that would have offered a snack. I couldn't have not answered the door to him just because he was late for a meal. Maybe he thought you'd already had your meal?

I would also have served up the dinner and eaten it. Since your brother was late arriving, I would have asked him to sit in another room while we are, and then join him with a drink and nibbles.

You have my sympathy. I would have done exactly the same then been really cross with myself instead of the person I should have blamed.

excuse us, not is.

Good thinking, ruby. That'd be my approach too. Not that my brothers behave like that, but if one did, I'd say: "You will excuse is getting on with our meal which is just ready. Sorry there isn't enough for you too, but we expected you earlier, not at dinner time."

I couldn't possibly not answer the door if someone was later than they said!
I can't see why you couldn't just point out they would have to excuse you eating and offer a sandwich or cake.

Don't answer the door next time after a cut off time when you thought he was coming for. If he says afternoon then say to him on making arrangements that he has to come before a certain time and knock an hour off so that he will be gone before you want to make tea. (Sorry it's tea in t'north.)

Tea on table at 7pm say.

Yes you can come but make it anytime from 12pm until 4pm. After that I will be busy. No reasons, it's not for him to know, just busy. And make your preps for the oven with him there if you want and say "I would ask you to stay but you won't like what we are having" or ask him to come in the morning in future and then tea is not ruined.

Fortunately I don't have this with my brother, he comes so that we can eat together, either at home or out for a meal. We take turns in paying and enjoy each others company very much.

I agree with those who say they, having offered a drink and a snack, would just serve up the meal and eat it.

I'd have eaten dinner and if not enough to offer him share would have offered a sandwich, omelette, toast. Wouldn't have mattered who it was.... I'd have pulled up a chair to the table with coffee on offer ....while we had our dinner.

Behave in a casual friendly fashion and if he didn't like it...tough. don't come at mealtimes.

Sympathy it's one of life's annoying little dilemmas. I'v been in similar situations.

Dinner in the bin? - what a waste! Just get noshing next time and offer him a cup of tea. I cannot believe that good food has been thrown away! I would have got on and eaten it even if it had been the vicar, or even someone I did not know well.

I agree- you obviously need more than hints in the future!

Very insensitive of him. I bet there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. He must have a tin nose.

If he does it again, serve up your meal and apologise for getting on with it while it is still hot. If there is not enough to include him, and he wouldn't want it anyway, apologise again and offer him some buttered toast. You may find it difficult, but you are doing it as a demonstration that it is your mealtime, not a time to devote to him. If he wants something, he can talk to you over the plates. He is the one who turned up at an inconvenient time, not you.

Say what you said to us - that you expected him in the afternoon - and that you had decided he wasn't coming. Say it matter-of-factly, not as an accusation, but say it . Some people are just not aware that others believe them, that when they say the afternoon they mean just that - the afternoon - not mealtime. They need it spelt out.