lonely

Quite annodomini and Elegran. It helped them to settle down much quicker.
But if they had off days for any reason, they knew I could be switched on.
A few minutes of me in the corner shortened any homesickness. Or any bouts of lonliness. Or any bouts of what have I done?

One of my sons now works thousands of miles away. But he knows I am available even during our night.
None of us really feels that we are very apart. Bliss.

Blimey! I definitely wouldn't have wanted to watch my daughter at uni. Luckily, Skype was not invented then. END syndrome is real and horrible. Luckily for me I was still working when DD left so I didn't have much time to mope. I think I was just glad of the tidy house and not having to give lifts everywhere. I think you need to give yourself a bit of time and perhaps think about your doctor's diagnosis of depression - perhaps he's right? The other thing is to get out and about although I don't know your situation. A friend of mine volunteered at a charity shop and absolutely loved it. It's not everyone's cup of tea but to her it was like treasure trove.

I would have thought it was a bit "Big mother is watching you"

Leave the Skype on? Can you do that? I'm very sure that there are plenty of things my DSs wouldn't have wanted me to see once they had left home and I am equally sure I wouldn't have wanted to watch. Luckily when mine left, there was no such thing as Skype.

Ginette I do wonder if your op, enforced "leisure" from work plus January blues have combined to bring you down and are more to blame so you really should investigate your doctor's suspicion of depression in which your daughter leaving home is just a part. Do get help, it sounds more than ENS.

I suspect I am far from unique to have strong and independent daughters who simply thrived when they went away to university!! I know I was exactly the same so I never expected them to feel homesick and both they and I would have hated Skype had it existed in those days!!
Let's face it, the purpose of raising the young of whatever species is to prepare them to live independent lives and to survive. I cringe at my (charming, but I expect lazy) nephew who after completing his Masters 15 months ago went home to live with Mum and has shown no urge to even find a job or live on his own even though she has spent her GP retirement lump sum on a little flat for him! Our DD s would have had it done up and rented out for a profit soon as they could!
Of course we love feeling needed but all those "milestones" starting with weaning are a process towards our children's independence and we need to accept that. A friend who is the most loving mother I know once remarked sagely that " the teenage years are Nature's way of making sure we kick them out of the nest"!!

Thanks soon to be. Soutra its ok I get the drift believe me I'm trying very hard, I dont enjoy the situation, it's just hit me like a bullet train, I was completely unprepared that's all.

The house went tooo tidy for me.
Like Ginette says she wakes to an empty house and feels panic, I used to hate seeing quite such tidy and empty rooms, so put some of their things around, which helps a lot. The items are still there, and I move them around the house as and when!

The other thing I did, was told the kids that we could keep the skype on, when they first left. So we could see each other move around.
I did that partly for them and partly for me.

It helped them settle in quicker where they were, because they soon got tired of me watching them! And it helped me too. I obviously soon got tired of it as well. But we all knew the facility was available. And helped to speed up the new situation a lot quicker for all of us.

Unlike soontobe I quite liked the tidiness once the DDS had left home!!

Honestly Ginette you really need to accept this state of affairs and move on. How would you have felt if she had emigrated?? Being at university in Manchester is hardly a "bereavement" she'll be back to use the washing machine/car soon enough but if all she finds is a mum doing her impersonation of a wet lettuce, well she might not come back as often or as readily as if mum was cheerful, fulfilled and leading an interesting life.
Don't get me wrong, I am not unsympathetic but life goes on.

Soon to be - I love animals I've had pets since my daughter was five, but our last beloved pet guinea pig passed away a week before sge went to university so it was really awful, unfortunately my husband doesnt like animals so with my daughter away and me at work during the day it wouldnt work, I do go and see my daughter's boyfriend's dog and bring her home on Friday evening, I really look forward to that and she adores me.

I dont know if you have a dog or even like them.
But dog owners can get into conversations relatively naturally with other dog owners and dog lovers out and about.

On another thread, you said you are back at work next week, so that should start to help.
And this time of year is not exactly helpful.

You could, if it suited, rent out a room? I dont know all the ins and outs of that.
A few people even begin to foster. Which again may not necessarily suit.

What I did, for a while after mine all left, is scatter some of their things that they had not taken, in each room of the house, so that every room reminded me of them and made me smile.
Though in your case, not sure if that would make you feel better or worse.

Hi Tegan
My GP promptly gave me antidepressants I refused those. Im sad not depressed. I need focus in my life but its just hard. I know it will pass but for now I have to endure.
And through all of you wonderful people I get by.

I think I was more like you, anno and harrigran. I have written about this on another, similar ongoing thread.

But I had had a lot of practice - my children went to boarding school at the secondary stage - NOT because I necessarily agree with it but because, as an army family moving every 18 months / 2 years, sometimes to troubled spots (quite a few in the 70s/80s) they had to have stability in their education and social lives.

So after all that, seeing them off to university seemed quite normal. It wasn't easy, and I was sad to see them go, but happy for them that they were moving on to the next stage of independence.

I certainly do wish you luck. What happened to my St. John's Wort? It's had its Wort cut off! It cut back on my anxiety about DS.

Another thing I hadn't thought of until a friend mentioned it - it may be that mums of our age are also having to deal with the effects of menopause, so our hormones are plating havoc too, in a way that those younger than us manage to evade. Again, St. John's Wort helps with that.

That's a huge step forward already Ginette ie trying to rekindle your marriage. It may or may not happen, but I'm sure we all wish you luck and admire your courage.
Yes, do keep posting

Maybe you could try St.John's Wort. It helped me a lot.

Thanks again all of you, I so appreciate the kind words I'm trying very hard to take one day at a time and to adjust, one of you talked about time out and I will ask my husband who I am very keen to rekindle what we've lost. I guess I let my daughter come first for a long time.
I just want to be a part of this group so I can keep building my strength and confidence. It is horrendous feeling the way I do and I've got to get strong and see my way out of this situation. I wake up after hardly any sleep to an empty house and immediately panic.
Thank you for all your support each and everyone of you.

Hi Ginette. So sorry you are feeling like this. Yes, it can be a very difficult time when the kids leave home, it's a form of grieving I think. It does take a while to adjust. I am still going through it, on and off. It's a long story which I have already posted about. There is a thread on here about the Empty Nest Syndrome which you might find useful. I can't remember exactly where, but you can probably search for it.

A lot depends on how full or empty your life is when they go. If your life is empty when they've gone then there are wider issues to address. The problem being that you're feeling that sad it's difficult to drag yourself out of the hole that you're in.

No anno, I was like you and that is how it should be. If we can let them go then our job is done

Am I hard-hearted to say that I was happy and excited for my sons when they spread their wings and took off on their chosen courses or careers? It was nice when they came back for a while but again I was happy to see them go, this time with their life partners, young women whom I am still glad to be able to call my friends.

Presumably your DD started at university last Autumn and is now in her second term? Maybe some of what you are feeling is a combination of empty nest syndrome and SAD?it is not unnatural to miss them- but it is an integral part of growing up, starting with weaning , through starting school , college or university then perhaps marriage, but certainly adult independence.
You do need to develop a life of your own -she will not thank you for thinking you are moping around an empty house feeling miserable. Be brave-you do have an identity of your own apart from your role as wife and other.

I would also add that you need to take all this one step at a time. One day at a time.

Loads of sympathy, I do understand how you feel. I thought I would actually die of a broken heart when my youngest left home. But it does pass and you get used to it. Allow yourself time to wallow, but then try to find things that you are interested in and do something about it.
The world is full of fascinating things. Now is YOUR time!
Good luck to you.