My Mum - the snob!

Kitty Your charms sound delightful how romantic to have the rings some men wouldn't even think of it,your OH sounds a very thoughtful chap indeed.

Perhaps they see in their daughter aspects of their own personality (or that of daughter's father) that they don't particularly like but won't acknowledge?

That's kind of similar to what my Dad said to me about my mum - he said that she resented my youth and even more so as it was something she couldn't take from me. It did make me wonder that if he was that aware of what she was doing, why didn't he try to put a stop to it?

Then again, she could have a very different reason - as she has told me, I ruined her life the day I was born!

My Mum only liked her sons

Same here - my brother can do no wrong. When he was over from Australia visiting, he went for a walk in the local park. My mother came into the room and asked where he was and my daughter said 'he's gone for a walk on the lake' - naughty I know but I did chuckle (but kept the chuckle hidden).

My Mum only liked her sons!!!!

They certainly are Ana !

Perhaps their expectations are too high, or not high enough? Perhaps they find it hard to see their daughter as a grown-up long after she's become one?

Perhaps they see in their daughter aspects of their own personality (or that of daughter's father) that they don't particularly like but won't acknowledge?

Relationships are so complicated...sigh!

My mother could be an awful snob. She tended to look down her nose at the couple next door even though they were kind to her and would have phoned me immediately if they thought there was something wrong.

The husband had to spend some time in hospital and the wife asked Mum if she'd mind washing a pair of new pyjamas she'd just bought as she was spending a lot of time at the hospital and the PJs were a bit stiff and shiny.

Mum rang me expecting me to get involved and tell her neighbour that my mother does NOT take in washing!! I pointed out to Mum that she shouldn't be surprised if they refused to look after her cat the next time she went away and it's not as if they were asking her to knit a pair of pyjamas.

Mum dutifully returned the PJs, washed and ironed. When I congratulated her on being a good neighbour she snapped, 'Don't get carried away, I put them on the shortest programme which merely refreshes them'

Although obviously their reasons seem totally illogical

What sometimes goes wrong with the mother and daughter relationship I wonder? We know ourselves that our children are the most precious things in our lives. I can't believe that these so called 'difficult' mothers don't have reasons for the way they are. I think I am seen as 'difficult' lately.

(((hugs))) phoenix

I remember my mother throwing a tantrum because darling step-father had the temerity to return from the supermarket with own brand biscuits!

I could write several posts worth about my (now non existent) relationship with my mother, who I used to admire tremendously for being so brave (for the times and location) when I was born. Her story was even featured in a magazine about 15 years or so ago.

Unfortunately she decided that I was suddenly persona non grata, a situation that continued even when Jack died. If I was to post here what she said to me when I phoned her, in the vain hope that such an event might heal a rift, no one would believe it.

'Didn't know he was a cheapskate. I'd have given it back to him and told him to get me something in gold or not to bother!'

After my parents separated, my mother met a man who bought her a silver bracelet and she ended the relationship because it was silver and not gold! She also saw it as a cheap thing to buy her.

posts that indicate that there are plenty of other mothers who were or are terrible.

Yes, there are quite a few of us Nanato5 so you are in good company

Dear all. I have got a lot of comfort from your posts that indicate that there are plenty of other mothers who were or are terrible. Never had a good relationship with my mother and when my DH and I went home to tell Ma and Da we would like to get married her comments were extremely horrid and painful. It was a miracle that my DH still married me some 46 years ago.

I am very envious of people who had or have a good relationship with their parents.

I agree kitty you just have to laugh at the comments, or they would break your heart. As I have mentioned before my mother lives in Australia and some years ago DH and I went to visit, this just after I had finished chemo. My brother took a video of our arriving at the airport and amongst all the welcomes from the rest of the family my mother's voice can be heard loudly telling everyone that I had put on so much weight!

My mother was horrified that DH and I had 5 children and used to tell people 'of course she has help with the children!' When I asked her why she would say such a thing she said that she didn't want people to think that I was kept barefoot and pregnant in a council house!!

However, she is more than ready to take credit for all five of them and all the grandchildren now!

Mum is just an slightly exaggerated form of her younger self! She has never approved of me/us as we don't conform to her opinion of how 'professional people' should behave!

I can't dislike her now, as I did for a long time, as she is so vulnerable but I could tell you loads of tales, as I'm sure lots of other daughters on GN could! I've recounted the engagement ring scandal previously!!

Anyway, this started out as a light hearted laugh, with me, at the person who is my mother!

It's good you can laugh, kitty. I think .

My grandmother was really not very nice, and was horrible to my mother (her DIL, not her daughter) - when I got older she told me all sorts of things she had said to her, and my mum just took it on the chin!

When she was pregnant with my brother, 3 mths after I was born, Grandma said to her 'that's disgusting!' (I think it was the idea that mum and dad had had S.E.X so soon after the birth).

Sorry !

specky illness is no excuse for saying cruel things or behaving badly

Have you had any dealings with anyone with dementia? Dementia is a mental illness. People living with dementia have no comprehension of what's cruel or bad behaviour.

specky illness is no excuse for saying cruel things or behaving badly

Have you had any dealings with anyone with dementia? Dementia is a mental illness. People living with dementia have no comprehension of what's cruel or bad behaviour.

I was trying to be supportive!! My mother was a nasty piece of work and I tried in vain to blame her various illness for it but she was just nasty and riven with petty jealousies. I've looked after plenty of really ill people who were lovely. My MIL is a crashing snob and a selfish woman - Mr Teetime and his brothers excuse her by saying well she is 101 (soon) they didn't like it when I said she had always been the same- I don't think she was like it with them or the other 2 DILs - just me the bad DIL who went to work and made her youngest son help around the house unlike the other 2 who sat on their rears watching daytime TV. ooo sorry went on a bit there.

Glama, my bangle has just 3 amethyst charms on it - a dangly one and matching rings either side. I've had a bracelet for years but find it too heavy as it is now nearly full.

Teetime she does have dementia but as the slightly amended saying goes 'in dementia extreme veritas'. She would have said the same thing years ago!

This was meant to be light hearted elena as a few of us have difficult relationships with our mothers -see above! My brothers and I each have our own axe to grind but looking after mum 'in her hour of need' and laughing at her foibles, has brought us closer together so has its benefits!

And, considering all the other ways I've let her down, this was very small beer!

My Mum was a "socialist snob" as I called it. She was very emphatic about her views politically, but also very fussy about the done thing. We were in Essex for part of my childhood and she was very scathing about the estuary accent and took pains to make sure we children did not pick it up. It used to make me smile.

She never made the sort of personal rude remarks that you are all talking about - I have no idea how I might have coped with that!

Hmm something sounding familiar here!
However, well done Mr kitty he gets brownie points in my book!! Maybe he could give DH the odd tip

Love Pandora bracelets.

Kitty's mum is very old with (I believe) a tiny bit of dementia. Bless her.

It sounds to me Teetime that dear kitty's Mum is just running true to form - illness is no excuse for saying cruel things or behaving badly.