MIL

What is wrong with 60

Ethelbags .....please accept this kindly, I mean well. you do generally in various threads seem to be very sad and low in your mood, with your cup appearing to always come across as half empty. Perhaps today is a particularly hard one for you and of course your reasons for wanting to be alone to cry are private.

Children and dgc will remember your fun times, please be careful that a crabby DM, DGM doesn't come to their minds first.

Perhaps you aren't as sad as you appear to be, I hope not....a lot can be lost in the written word without inflection and intonation.

elengran in her post makes a lot of sense.
Please excuse if I have offended, but it would be lovely to know that you could see the sunshine in the kind actions of those who care about you.

Elegran are you Maggie Smith?

Elegran Well said.

Kiora you said nothing insulting.

You still don't deserve a reprimand, Elegran. You tell it as it is and there's nothing wrong with that. My DiL is especially tactful. She knows what her kids really want and refers me to a relevant web site. For example, DGD really likes label-makers - Dymo kind that print onto a tape - so I sent her one for her recent 12th birthday. I received an email with photographs of all the things she had labelled around the house. I know she will remember that it was Grannyanno who sent her that present!

Oh dear I don't know if I want to laugh or cry reading through the last two posts.

I don't remember being in a bad mood for any of my birthdays, and I've had fifteen more than you, and I don't remember ever being ungracious enough to return any presents either, even ones I didn't much like. I was pleased that people thought enough of me to give me a present, and
I am delighted that I am still alive and reasonably healthy.

Congratulations on reaching 60 in one piece without anyone bumping you off for being such a surly ungrateful complaining moaning minnie. Of course you can help it, the rest of the world manages it.

It is possible that you will feel insulted by this post. Well, better that than telling someone you were insulted by them just saying something meant to be a pleasant comment. If you are, then please report it to GNHQ so that they can send me a reprimand. I have never had one, as I have never before deserved one.

ok kiora xx its forgotten, im in a bad mood being nearly 60 as ive said on another post and what with xmas coming its just one worry then another. My cat is ill too.

ethel I didn't mean to insult you honestly. I must have misinterpreted your post. It happens somtimes with the written word. I hadn't meant to imply anything derogatory. I'm terrible at receiving compliments I find it really uncomfortable I didnt want my children and grandchildren to have the same problem. I thought your discussion was on a similair vein.

My DH died quite young but I just cant bear the thought that other people will be expecting me to celebrate and I will have ot put on an act when I just want to be left alone to cry.

The tax man will already know your age, ethel. And he doesn't care!

Some people never make it to sixty or even seventy, they die instead.

I have to tell people when I fill in forms etc, the tax man. I cant understand why some people are proud to be 60 or even 70. I just want to have a normal day..

I try not to think of matching the cost of gifts.
The other GPs are much better off than us.
I know that on one occasion a gift was diamond cuff links -and I've no idea of what any other gifts might have been.

Certainly for my DS and DIL who live far away we try and be original with our Christmas/birthday gifts but not necessarily very expensive, we send local home made biscuits, local potato crisps that cannot be gotten anywhere else. Favourite Bassets liquorice all sorts and Jaffa Cakes.
And a nice item each, eg a nice scarf, or leather gloves, from TKMAXX, or bought in the sales or an outlet centre during the year.

For our one year old DGS all those miles away, some little topical local things, books (already used by other DGC), and a toy delivered via Amazon.com with free delivery.

It's much more fun to buy well considered and appropriate presents than to be able to 'throw money away like water' indiscriminately. Your GC will remember who took her to the panto far longer than she'll remember who gave her the expensive toys that she outgrew in months.

You don't have to tell all and sundry. Presumably your family already know, so what business is it of anyone else's?

I hate to say this, ethelbags but if you don't take the chip off your shoulder you're going to jeapordize any chance of a loving relationship with your DGD.

I cant help it I just feel bad, not my fault but I don't think I will get anything that is expensive as Ive told the family I don't want to celebrate. Im a bit sensitive about presents this month I don't want to have to tell people Im 60, I fell embarrassed by it.

I do not think that's what's sad, Ethel. I think it's the idea of you giving presents back if you think they cost too much. That's being insulting to the giver, especially on your 60th birthday.

No its not sad, I find your remarks insulting. Im not well off and I did not say I would not buy any presents, just that most of my 'giving' would be practical stuff like going to pantos or museums etc,.

I do wish I was well off to be able to throw money away like water but I cant, my DD had presents but she had experiences as well, we used to go to all sorts of experience days, Ive got photos of her riding elephants, horses, dressing up, dancing in concerts etc She recons she had a good childhood.

Oh ethel that's a bit sad. Two of my grandchildren had the time of their lives picking grandad presents for his birthday. They choose a gilet to keep him warm, a packet of of coconut mushrooms, and a chocolate caterpillar cake. Their little faces as they watched him open them was a treat. So I'm sure as you your little grandaughter grows you will share this type of gift giving. i have at times spent a lot of money or spoilt a grandchild it gives me pleasure and I hope it gives them pleasure too.

Originally when DD was pregnant I said I would be the gran who 'did' things, go to dancing, brownies, make cakes, go to the panto etc and that way there is no competition between presents from different relatives. Is just that DGD is too small to do much with at the minute, but just wait till next xmas we will be off to the panto and for tea afterwards and similar excursions. Mind, this week we are making gingerbread men and its so much fun and cost is minimal.

At Christmas, our family have a secret Santa, only buy One present with a price limit of £50. This has made it so much easier!

Thank you for your comments, the situation reminds me so much of when my DD was small and my MIL would give really expensive presents and I would fell so small when I saw how much they had spent, I could never buy the same back and I hated xmas. I saw it as a competition.

Years ago I had a friend, now dead, who used to get a xmas present through the post a week before xmas from her sister who lived a long way away, she would open it and 'price it', rush to the shops and buy something the same or more expensive to send in return.

I could quote many examples of this sort of thing so I hate present giving.
All my family are the same we just can't bear to be the cheapest present giver, It really takes the pleasure from xmas and birthdays. Ironically I hate to receive presents too. I will be 60 this month and will give my presents back if I think they are too expensive. I don't want to be like this but I am, I don't know how to change. I don't want our little one to be like this.

If your daughter feels a bit overwhelmed by presents every week, and feels it is not good for her little girl to get to a point where she looks for the present every time she sees grandma, then can she tackle it via her husband?

I can understand her feelings, not wanting her dd to become materialistic or greedy.

But obv this needs to be handled gently and tactfully...by her dh in the first instance.