regrets

But (hopefully) having articulated that "whinge" you csn now try to focus on the positives in your life and move forward. Courses will not sleays lead to a more fulfilling job but learning or developing what interests will make you a more rounded and fulfilled individual. We are not defined by our jobs I leave thst to the "trendy executive" types but by what we are inside. There was a thread on projects for the Winter- how about thinking about that? U3A for instance with the bonus that you meet interesting and like minded people. Art History and Literature for me this academic year and I look forward to meeting up with "friends" from previous courses. Onwards and upwards !

I must also lighten up and think of things more humerously, I was shopping the other day when I met a girl who was working with me as a cleaner and we got talking and she reminded me of the day I was cleaning the mens loos. We used to take turns each week, one of us cleaned the floors and the other did the loos. I came across a huge lump of poo in the bowl and flushed it several times but it was wedged. I ran for the other girl and she tutted and said "its only a piece of s..., youre useless". She got the brush and thumped down on the turd until it broke up. I was outside retching. She gave a final flush and went back to her work. Years later we laugh about this. I think I wasn't even good at cleaning.

I regret nothing.

many thanks for the lovely messages, Im a whinger but that is something I must work on to change x

Oh Nonu, wouldn't it be strange if we were all the same? I tend not to look back either but some people are much more reflective than we are and maybe the better for it!

ethelbags

Or going on PITY PARTIES , again complete waste of time .

I NEVER LOOK BACK complete waste of time to my mind.

It could be that the worse thing about getting older[other than any serious health problems] is all the 'looking back' that we tend to do.In the wee small hours usually.I made a real effort to stop doing that a few years ago and have been much happier as a result. There are so many 'if only-s' going on.Concentrate on the here and now.

hello ethelbage firstly dont be ashamed od being a cleaner--you should be very proud of yourself for going out there a getting money for your family and you should be proud that you were even willing to clean other peoples houses t ensure your family were taken care of--I think that is something to be very proud of

also it is not someones job that makes them confident but self belief regardless to what job yo have

regret is a horrible thing, i myself am riddle with it but your regrets could have been much more serious so i guess going forward just being grateful that your past has not in any way brought about the un happiness or injury of other

Someone once said "Many people lead lives of quiet desperation", and it's true I think. But you have achieved something with your lovely daughter and grand-daughter. And you have led an honest life and worked hard.
You have harmed no-one, never been a criminal, never hurt anyone,
never leaned on drugs or alcohol. You can hold your head up high and be proud of yourself. There is pride in honest work, even if it is lowly.

Lots of us have some regrets I think.. You are not alone. Myself, I feel as if I have never taken control of my life, but just been washed along by the tide.
And you are still young. Certainly lack of money can be a stumbling block to leading a more exciting life, but maybe you can think of something which you would love to do and make it your goal, even if it takes you a while.
Happiness often lies in the smaller things of life. I do hope you will find something achievable and just go for it. Best wishes to you.

Ethel. If you ever get the chance to see a film called ' Love a Latino' watch it.
Basically it's the story of all the Latinos who do all the work that the rich Californians don't want to do.
One day all the Latinos 'disappear' Everything collapsed. No cleaners, no child minders, cooks, etc etc. you get the picture.
I have done a lot of cleaning and my attitude was: you need me, more than I need you. I only ever had one customer who got a bit iffy. Their keys were left on the table with a farewell note.

Oh ethel you have so made my day. I thought It was just me. This could have been me posting just before my 60th birthday. I don't understand why I felt this way I just did. I knew it was a waste of time but I just couldn't help it. For me I think it was the realisation that it wasn't just the big dreams that wouldn't come true but also the little ones. That I had truly made my bed and now had to lie in it. It's not that I'm not happy. I have a lovely husband, children who love me, 8 wonderful grandchildren. In reality I have never been so loved by so many. Perhaps it's an age of reflection for some of us. I am hoping that by 65 it will turn into an age of acceptance. I have read the replies and hope I can put their good advice into practise. Bye the bye I have been a cleaner. I worked in a factory, been a dinner lady I met some wonderful people who remain my good friends. I think these experiences actually enriched my life and made me a much better person. I'd have liked to have been clever but most of the very clever people I know were never really happy. They knew too much. The very beautiful people I have Known have often been taken advantage of. Mostly I wished I'd made the most of things. I don't want to waste these years wishing for what I can't have. Mostly I don't want to be a bitter, disappointed miserable old women.
( because i'v met some of those) Easier said than done. I just think it's the BIG 60 that gives us a jolt and if we are the sensible sort we'll get over it. You sound the sensible sort to me ethel. We'll be o.k ...eventually

Some lovely post for you on here ethel I can't add any better ones.

I think many people will relate to your post ethel. Two psychologists have told me (when I echoed some of your sentiments to them about regrets and a wasted life) told me that it is the one thing they hear a lot from women.

I am 57 so, close to your age and maybe we were born on the cusp, so to speak, of women being expected to have the main career of housewife and mother and then to 'potter' doing something else as well as compared to today's young women who have been encouraged to go for a career to match any man; that is bound to set us thinking 'what if'.

Being valued for what you do means so much.

To me, those are the wisest words on this thread so far - if you are made to feel valued for what you do, you will feel good about what you do.

I kept it secret thinking that I would be looked down upon as a cleaner.

I would love to be good looking, confident or just have a good job so that someone somewhere will be envious.

Aren't those thoughts a product of the way our society functions? I think they are so I am not surprised that people can feel that way. I remember reading an article, many, many years ago, about cleaners going on strike in America. Their grievance was pay and, to an extent, attitude towards them. Within a few days, that area of America (according to the article) almost ground to a halt as everything became unsanitary; they got their pay rise and, I'm sure, a measure of deserved respect for their efforts.

We can't turn back the clock unfortunately but do try and make the most of what you have which, you will find, is often more than you think.

Ethel You are still so young in the scheme of things and I for one think being a mum & grandmother is one of our most amazing achievements,never mind about other peoples careers etc you are who you are,I did cleaning jobs when my children where small to fit in with the family timetable and help with finances and when I told my mum she said so what if you are a cleaner "every job is nobel" and I have remembered that to this day,join free classes at Colleges if you feel the need and don't discount finding "that special job" I started my own business again at 61 just by default and found what I should have been doing for years so there is always something out there for everyone.

Ethel you speak as if your life is over yet you are still relatively young. Do you still enjoy good health? Then make the most of it.

Why don't you draw up a list of things you'd like to do and can afford? Even drawing up the list will help focus your mind and make you aware of possibilities.

Then start working through the list adding more ideas as they occur to you. That way you will feel more in control of your future and that you can achieve things you want.

I've drawn up lists of places I want to visit, letters that I ought to write, recipes I want to try, activities I must try, films I have never watched or books I ought to read, people I'd like to meet, and so on..... Some I have to save up for, others cost peanuts, a few require investment in time and research.

Go on. Take control.

I could have many, many regrets about all the things I've done and haven't done but my middle daughter has reminded me on several occasions that I did what I thought was best at the time and that is all you can do. I've always read for escapism and that has kept me sane as most of my life I have been fearful of mental breakdown as it seems to run in the family and my mother suffered terribly.
I count my blessings every day: Three happy, well educated children who all have employment; 5 grandchildren in OZ and NZ with two more to follow in December(ish) in the UK; caring and loving OH; my health; just enough to live on and the love of my children.
I've always done a pretty lowly job and this used to bother me but in more recent years I've started to count my blessings and this is really liberating especially when the morale and mental health is not 100%.
Today's society seems to denigrate the more poorly paid amongst us and seem to forget that jobs such as litter-picking and cleaning are still necessary whether you have qualifications or not. If we all had degrees etc. cleaning etc.would still need to be done by someone. (Perhaps our overpaid footballers would fit the bill!)

Ditto my Mum - bitter about her lack of education until the day she died and it blighted her relationship with everyone, and our childhoods (and indeed adulthoods) - do not go there. Bin the regrets and look forward!

I do but rarely think about them, there is no point. Stuff happens but it is better to look forward to what you can change than back to what you can't. My father believed men should have education but that it was wasted on women. I got over it but my sister never did. We had a rotten childhood and she was bitter until the day she died. She was a lovely person but she let it blight her life.

I'm not going to list all the bad stuff I have been through, most of it has gone and I have to deal with the remainder but I have lots to look forward to and plan to make the most of it.

Every day I try to think of positive things rather than negative (although they do creep in). Yesterday I received a photo of my latest grandson gazing at his 100 year old great granddad, so special. Today the sun is shining and tomorrow.................. who knows.

It is never too late to go to uni, I read that most pensioners will never have to pay back their student loans so go for it, just for fun if you are not too busy.

I would never 'look down' on a cleaner, I think most people would be very grateful to them, I know I was when I was pregnant and unable to move.

You're approaching 60. You have years and years ahead of you. I'm sure most people look back and have regrets. I certainly do. I didn't start living until 8 years ago when I left the ex. Then life really took off 6 years ago when I met my (now) DH. He helped me realise that I wasn't an 'I can't' person but an 'I can' person. Now life is full of experiences that I once thought people like me couldn't/shouldn't do. In the last 6 years I've started to wear trousers (big bums shouldn't wear trousers lol), learned 1940s dances and rock and roll, cycle, walk and a host of other things I wasn't supposed to do.

Look forward. What do you want to do? I recently saw a sign on the back of a touring caravan. It said 'Adventure before dementia'. I thought that's what I want. I want as many adventures as I can. They don't have to be expensive or even particularly daring. They just have to be things I want to do.

Regrets? Yes. What I've done is to assimilate them - every experience has gone into making me who I am today. When low days hover, then I tell myself the sun will shine again - and it does! Chin up ethel

My regret is not having the opportunity to learn to play the piano well - I am self-taught and it needs a strong constitution to listen to me!

But I do not dwell on it - there are lots of other things that I CAN do, and I have to concentrate on those.

ethel I have had phases in my life where I have regretted stuff but now at 65, I try to think a bit differently. I have always worked in what is considered a 'lowly job' but I stuck it out and now have a reasonable pension.
I have a daughter who has worked hard and made a decent life for herself. I have a beautiful clever granddaughter. I had a dreadful childhood and was always wishing to be the pretty little girl who lived down the street who had lovely clothes and ribbons in her hair, caring parents and days out etc. I could have ended up on drugs after the trauma of it all but I picked myself up and worked and married a decent man and made a good life for myself. I have spent years wishing I was someone else, someone more impressive. Now I think 'well maybe you are impressive'. I have had so many traumas in my life and I'm still here. I think that's pretty impressive I no longer envy anyone or wish for better/different etc. You seem pretty impressive to me ethel, Give yourself some credit. The girl done good. You are not yet 60, you are still young. There are lots of things you can do, many of which do not cost money.

I can relate too. I always wanted to be a nurse. However leaving school at 16 I went into the first job I was offered, which was an office junior. I got stuck in office work from there, and eventually became a secretary. I had two children in my twenties and thought it was too late to train as a nurse. There were no childrens nurseries in those days, and my parents couldn't have taken on full time child care. Instead I did various part time jobs, sometimes in offices, and seven years in a nursery. Now retired I feel embarrassed when asked what I used to do! However life is not about the work you did. I have a good marriage, two adult children, two baby grandchildren, and one on the way. I love to read, knit, and look after the garden. Onwards and upwards I say!!

No so much regrets about what I haven't done but about some of the choices I made - crying over spilt milk I suppose. I am trying hard to count my blessings when I get a bit low and it does work.