Advice please regarding my 21 year old son and depression

What a tricky one for you both.

I think a trip to the Doctor's is an important first move. He may be referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which will help he look at situations in a different way.

Although it must be tempting to 'kick him' it won't in my opinion help. Having had depression it was important to me to have someone 'on my side'.

Best of luck MyLife

Thank you NanKate

I have depression myself which is one reason my son says he doesn't want anti depressants as according to him they haven't solved my problems

Most antidepressants arnt addictive but some need a gradual withdrawal.
His fear of failure seems to be stopping him achieving so he finds a reason to stop before completion. CBT or other therapy may help with this to find the underlying cause. The first step however is to see his GP who will be able to refer him on. See if your son will let you go with him and he should not really rely on online questionnaires for the answer.
Your son needs to be honest with his GP about any recreational drug use also.
You should not 'do' for him however but should be there for him and on his side. He has to make the decisions however hard that is for both him and you who wants to take some of the burden.

Thank you Brendawymms

There is definately no recreational drug use . He is as clean as they come this days. Doesn't drink any alcohol or smoke

He did admit to smoking cannabis at 17 , could this have a lingering effect on his mental health?

Not depression I think Mylife - does he seem low to you? Seriously depressed people don't often get themselves together to go to martial arts training and keep fit. Are there any jobs in your area?

sorry i mean smoking a little cannabis when he was 17 is very unlikely to be making him depressed now.

He may benefit from CBT as said above. I suffer from reactive depression and find that the medication my GP prescribed do not have an adverse effect on me. I am on Sertraline. We did try CBT but as my problem stems from health worries which I will probably have for the next few years the CBT didn't help in my case.. He should see the GP.

Someone needs to make a proper diagnosis first. My DD has been on anti-depressants for many years and it has transformed her life - it allows her to approach life without anxiety and to enjoy bringing up her children. We do not worry that she might become addicted (you need to tail them off, but I do not think that in general they are addictive). We are more worried that someone might try to take them off her - we cannot face going back to how things were for her. It is such a joy to see her well again.

Another DD has had ante-natal depression very seriously - it was a true nightmare and I thought I would never get my lovely girl back again - but after many a trauma we did.

Start with a visit to the doc and try and see what is really going on. At least then you will have a better idea how to help him.

The sad thing is that when you don't feel depressed, you have so much more energy and then start to feel there is a point to life after all. So maybe it's just a case of getting him on the right pills for him. I have had it from time to time, but found that St.John's Wort really works for me. DBH and both DCs have had bouts. It sounds awful when I see it in print, but really we are all fine as long as we don't get it at the same time as each other. It's currently DD's turn. She has been taking medication for just over a week and is once again full of enthusiasm, which is wonderful. We have all just had to accept that that is how we are, and to take any help for it that we can get.

PS DS had his first bout last year when he was 18. He's been fine since, fingers crossed.

I agree with everyone else that you need to support your son to go to the GP MyLife. There are many approaches to depression and everyone has to find the one that is best for them. Be prepared to do your own research (or get him to do so) and to keep an open mind. Some people find antidepressants a lifesaver, others find they make them feel even worse. Many give up taking them because of very real side effects and are left struggling with depression on their own. It's important to keep supporting him because as others have said, it's all too easy for the one who us depressed to feel hopeless about finding a solution and to give up trying. Of course you must know all this if you yourself experience depression, so forgive me for stating the obvious.

One note of caution - I am very wary of online questionnaires that purport to identify something as serious as depression. Your son may be fed up (understandably), feeling low, or de-motivated by a lack of opportunity, but that doesn't mean he is depressed. He does need to see his GP.