How to help a daughter when her marriage breaks up.

My eldest daughters long term relationship broke up earlier in the year and she tearfully asked if she could come to us while things were settled down which were happy to agree to. She is much older than your daughter and her 3 of her 4 children are over 18 but she was still homeless and heartbroken so a safe haven with people who loved her was very important to her.

She doesn't earn enough to rent on her own so she is still in the 'working out where I go' stage, we only have a very small two bed house but her step dad and I are happy for her to stay as long as it takes her to move on in her life.

Providing your daughter and GS a secure haven is the best thing you can do for them, it just takes give and take on everybodys part and it can work while things get sorted. Good luck to your family Alima.

Our elder daughter was divorced a year ago following he ex husband finding a newer model. Their house also had to be sold and she works four days a week. Or should I say did as she has just been made redundant. It's very hard to stand back and let them make their own decision. We constantly said to her that we would support her in any way she wanted and that included giving her a home.
We constantly told her that we loved her and was there for her. It was important to her however that she made her own decisions knowing that we were always behind her.
For any adult child all we can ever do is offer support but they need to make their own decisions knowing that the parents will help as much as possible and as asked. I know how tempting it is to try and make decisions for them and to suggest solutions but the decisions need to come from them.
Let the dust settle before any major choices are made but help with the day to day problems and be an open ear and arms.

Isn't it sad - our youngest daughter and her two children aged 28 months and 14 months are currently living with us.

I have posted before that she has been suffering from depression, panic attacks and being married to an idiot! We have not been told that the marriage is over but it is looking highly likely that it is, so we wait and see.

Our house is quite big but we only have three bedrooms as we knocked two single rooms into one large double so we could accommodate DGC for short stays.

We are just waiting and seeing, and hoping that it all turns out alright.

This is a good thread to have started.

I guess we all think of our home as always being our childrens home, but need to remember how hard it must be to move back to your parents when you've been independant for several years.

How sad and distressing for you all. When the dust has settled, advice from a property solicitor might help. They could advise, depending on your circumstances, whether you could be co owners in a property, to help her out, I hope it all works out well. X

My daughter is in a similar position (also married to an idiot). She works full time but is on a low salary. She booked an appointment with the council housing department and was surprised to find that she was entitled to housing benefit. She receives a regular amount towards the cost of the house she is renting in the private sector. I live in a tiny 2 bedroom house so would have no room for her and 3 children. It was, however, very difficult to find a landlord who would consider taking on somebody in receipt of benefits, there is enormous prejudice.
I hope things work out for you all.

As there is a child, and it seems the child will stay in her care, she is actually entitied to stay in the house and to some financial support until their son has completed his education. Is she willingly leaving the family home? She could do with some good legal advice from a family solicitor before any major decisions are taken.

Housing wise, shared ownership may be a possibility? Its an affordable way to keep a foot on the ladder and a mortgage history.

Tempting as it is to take your daughter in, by becoming 'homeless' she would leapfrog up the housing list, and get social housing.

Alima.

My heart goes out to you, we are in a similar position.

Our daughter came to live with us last year, had enough of husband lying and running up debt. She moved back into her home around February time and SIL moved to a flat. Her divorce came through only last week but the financial side still need sorting out. It's the new mortgage thing that's the problem and waiting for a judge to make a decision to be able to finally get to an ending. Hopefully she can stay in the house but it might have to be sold. We are waiting for court decisions now.

The thing is we did everything possible to help and the split has been 'fairly' reasonable , which is a blessing. Certainly had a few ups and downs but they are hopefully getting there.

The reason I am posting is to say they have both found new partners, early days I know but it has brought a new dimention into the mix. I have 'loaned' them money because it could so easily be a case if both incomes were at some stage joined together their income will most certainly be higher than ours. So many variences to think of.

We will all move heaven and earth for our kids but I have found that months on there has been so many twists and turns and scenarios we never even thought of that it is wise to try to go with the flow and at the end of the day there are so many things crop up it is difficult to state categorically, well this will happen, that will happen.

Yes my daughter could have stayed in the house but her thought is whatever has happened they both share the love of our DGD and she has tried to keep things amicable and doesn't want that to change. It is a personal choice and one they will have to make.

All very upsetting, I wish you all well and I hope things get sorted soon.