Thank you letters.

I stopped sending my nephew money for his birthday and Christmas after I received the following ...........

Dear kate and co
Thanks for money
James

He was old enough to know much better but he didn't need to make any further effort.

Me too niggly, Nonu and yoga

I'm afraid to admit that I eventually stop sending presents if I don't get thanked for them!

Absolutely Nigglie, you are right on the money !

I don't mind if it is a text, email, phone call, card or letter, just something. Wrote a thank you for a 70th birthday lunch recently but have had no word re the (very nice) framed "Off the leash" cartoon print we gave as pressie to the afore-mentioned birthday boy.

Presents should ALWAYS be thanked for, otherwise, bye, bye future gifts!!

Lets face it, most children are texting friends, sending emails. Why not text or send an email to the giver of gifts.

I send presents to my Godchildren's children and always get thank you letters even though they are now between 14 - 16, even the one whose parents are divorced and he lives with his mother whom I barely know, rather than his father who is my godchild always sends a thank you note.

Thank you ladies, don't feel so guilty now! to you both.

So someone has acknowledged the gifts, Vesper, and shown that they are appreciated. That is good.

Presents should not be ignored.

Yes, with parents being so busy etc. and understanding that life is a bit hectic, my take is:
if I am not involved, it's up to them!
if I am, I'll encourage DGC to draw a thank you (not writing yet, and we see him weekly, so easy to do) and send it myself.
I have also rung my friend and in the course of conversation, said "Oh, I know that DS & DDiL / DGC were so grateful for the xxxx you kindly sent"

I have a guilty secret re thank you letters. I have several friends who send DGS gifts through me. I have tried gentle reminders to DD but without success. Now I send the thank yous using an app on my iPhone called Touchnote. You can add a photo of the child with gift and a pleasant message which then arrives through the post with no indication that it is from me and not DD.
I know this is not morally sound, but justify it to myself by the thought that the thoughtful people are thanked and my hardworking daughter has one less job to do.

The consensus seems to be yes to thank you letters. My friend doesn't have a computer so e-mail, facebook etc don't apply. I think a thank you card wouldn't take a minute and my friend would be very pleased to know her gift was well received.

I'm not sure that it has to be a hand written note (technology moves on) but I do like to receive some thanks for a gift or meal. When my son and family moved overseas I had fond expectations of letters arriving with exciting stamps but they only ever text or use facebook. I did once get a birthday card and gift through the post from them but even gifts usually arrive via Amazon. Still, at least we are not forgotten!
I do send letters to older friends and relatives but I guess emails are just easier and more reliable, not to mention instant!

That's why we stopped forcing our adult children to write thank yous. The stress was too great. Sometimes we get them three months late, but they do trickle in eventually.

Money is one thing, ginny - but having to say thank you for a present you gave them three years previously is another! I once got into trouble for refusing to thank a great-aunt for a thick sickly pink nylon badly-knitted cardigan. I swear she knitted it for herself then decided she didn't like it.

My daughter's children always send thank you letters; my son's never do. This really annoys my daughter and she complains to me - I'm not sure why she thinks I can do anything about it. I've tried to encourage them to at least phone, email or even text and occasionally it works.

Big family, small family, jobs, social life, oh dear no time to say 'Thank you' . Bet they find time to spend any money sent to them though.

Even now my son is 19 he still phones and asks 'Now who do I have to send 'thank-yous' to?'

My sisters and I decided a while ago that we no longer expected anything from our adult nieces and nephews, but it was all done very democratically. Grandparents, great-aunts, in-laws and uncles are still written to, plus any others.

Facebook is quite helpful. Sometimes I will write 'a parcel is on its way' to a niece or nephew - then they do reply to say it has arrived, but as we are quite a big family, I feel they have enough on their plate already.

Me too Ginny it only takes a few minutes doesn't it?
If I have sent anything at all through the post I always want to know it reached it's destination.

I agree with * Elegran * would she not have said thank you if the gift was handed over in person ?

My friend sent my DGS ( 11 yrs old ) some money for Easter and when I gave it to him yesterday he immediately wrote a short thank you note.

I always write a note if I am not seeing the giver in person. I also write a note if I have been at a party or an occasion or visited someone. It really doesn't take a moment and gives much pleasure.

A thank-you is always welcome, regardless of how it is delivered. Email, fb, letter, card, telephone call or in person. I don't have any expectations in receiving thanks particularly, but it's much appreciated when it happens.

Charleygirl My old aunt used to tell us all that any gifts were gratefully received, as long as they wouldn't require dusting!
I am just about to sit down and write thank you notes to the two adult children of a good friend of ours, who organised a 70th birthday party for him at the weekend.

When I was a teenager, I used all my creative ability to write gushing letters ("the handkerchief sachet is exactly what I wanted..."). I don't think they had the desired effect because I still received bizarre gifts the following Christmas.

Mishap I am still receiving gifts which are inappropriate and I also find it diffcult to say thank you while being polite. My sister in law by marriage thinks that I like cheap, horrid ornaments- actually no and I cannot take them to a charity shop in case she visits.

It does seem that the thank you letter is dying out a bit - but it should not. My GC who live away tend to print something out on the computer and do their squiggle at the end. Or the oldest sends an email.

I do remember the post-Christmas chore of letters - sitting at the dining table racking my brains to think of what to say to some distant relative whom I barely knew and who had sent some entirely inappropriate present! But it was a good discipline and established the concept of good manners.

Charley