DD3 is married to an idiot!!

My heartfelt sympathy kitty we have a similar situation which I am dealing with almost singlehanded as DH's memory problems are worsening.If the worse happens in our case we will have two divorced offspring when we ourselves have been married for 55 years!!

kitty what an absolute prize idiot he is,he stays away all week then complains the house is a mess when he is home your poor girl must be beside herself with two little ones.
If he is so fastidious about the house let him pay for a cleaner/part-time housekeeper to help her there may be someone local who would be glad of a few hours work not maybe on a regular basis but as and when needed.
He does sound like many men who can't live on their own once they are divorced he also sounds like someone who needs a very swift talking too by your OH or yourself to put him straight on the needs of your DD.

Exactly right Elegran! He was divorced with two teenagers when DD met him and freely admits he didn't do enough to help first time round. To be fair, he is a good cook and takes over the kitchen when he is home but DD likes cooking and would relish the chance to do more without the children under her feet.

He emailed DH to complain about 'your daughter' but we are trying to steer clear of it as we think he has more or less decided to leave and we don't want to alienate him any more - sort of damage limitation.

DD came to stay with us over the weekend, without the children, but he just took them to see family both days.

He lives in the house and it's a mess? Then he can take some responsibility and un-mess it, then she might feel a little bit better. Or/and he could become an active husband and father and support your DD, taking an equal role in the home when he gets in from work. What's up with the man?

A bad situation all round then Kitty. I suppose all you can do is help out where you can and talk to DD3 about things in a sympathetic way.In a few years the children will be a bit older and she will have a bit of time to herself then. In the meantime at least she will have you to 'vent' to and be a support for her.

Yes you are right, an idiot. What did he think would happen when he acquired a wife and a fast family? That he could continue to go his own way and ignore their needs? He is a selfish child. No wonder he was single (divorced?) at 50.

If he came home for a day or two, sorted out the house mess and gave some support to DD3 she would feel so much better that she might not need the medication for long.

Have you told him so, or would you be sent on your way for interfering?