Emotional harm to children

They already have to decide where to try to draw the line, in care proceedings. And believe me, emotional abuse is far more than shouting, failing to pay enough attention to your child, etc. It's about systematically bullying, verbally abusing, playing mind games, excluding one child in the family, scapegoating, making a child fear you by never letting them know exactly how you will react to them and by abusing your power as an adult. It's making a child shake in your presence and soil their knickers without ever raising your hand. I saw all of this in the one case I spoke about above. And as I said, I doubt very much that we would have enough evidence to take that case to court even today. So I don't think we have any need to worry that there will be lots of prosecutions or that ordinary parents have anything to fear.

Yes, that's the sort of sustained, systematic emotional abuse I meant, nightowl. Probably more common than we know, but kept quiet by everyone involved, of course (or more likely, many blind eyes are turned).

I have worked with some emotionally abused children. It is not to do with a parent occasionally losing their temper or sometimes putting adult needs over a child's. That's called being a good enough parent.

It is the child who, daily, does not receive any signs of approval from a parent: a smile, a hug, a conversation about their day etc. They are frequently ignored, intimidated/threatened,disparaged & undermined, punished for minor actions etc etc.The responses from their carer is inconsistent and unpredictable. Children live in a continuous atmosphere of threat of violence. They may be clean, very well behaved and reasonably well nourished. Like any form of abuse it crosses all social strata.

It is not so hard to spot if you work a lot with children but getting sufficient evidence will be hard because of the intimidating nature of emotional abuse.

There is also the 'over protective' emotional abuse, less pernicious but can also be damaging: the parents who over protect their child, sap its confidence, keep the child over dependent on the parent to feed the parent's need to be needed an in control.

And of course the 'vicarious' parent who pushes their child to be the best at something the parent always wanted to be good at. The child feels a huge responsibility to please the parent and despite their own preferred wishes succumbs to parental demands.

The parent who has a mental illness and over relies on their child to keep them company, to become a mini adult and take responsibility for things the parent ought to do so the child feels trapped and their own needs are not addressed.

So many ways children can be emotionally damaged.. all unhealthy and all hard to legislate for.

Yes, hard to legislate for Penstemmon, but not impossible. It isn't impossible to define, police or prove as apricot fears. The threshold for any care proceedings is that the child has suffered or is likely to suffer significant harm. That's the key 'significant' harm. That doesn't include ordinary parents losing their rags and shouting at children who announce 10 minutes before the family are due to leave the house, that it's cookery today and I need 4 lemons, 10 oz of sugar and some flour, oh yes, and some eggs…….

Pennstemmon, if a parent with a mental illness can emotionally abuse their child by depending on them for company then parents with physical illnesses who depend on their child is also guilty of emotional abuse.

There is a category already for emotional abuse with the Childrens Act. The others are sexual abuse, physical abuse, and neglect. Emotional abuse has always been harder to prove as people can argue it,s more difficult to define as it can be seen as more subjective and has no obvious physical symptoms.

With any kind of abuse social services has to suggest the child has suffered significant harm because of what has happened to them and this has always been more difficult with emotional abuse.we should be trying harder with legislation we already have rather than pretending we are introducing something different.

It seems to me that the social workers on here understand emotional abuse very well and the fact of a law relating to it will give those who see it a better chance of dealing with it. It is one thing to have a care order because of emotional abuse but court proceedings add another dimension.

What about the child who is emotionally abused as a means of getting at the other parent in a separation? I know of a case of this. What about the parent who has a very decided preference for one child over another sibling? I know of 2 such cases. I know of a parent who blames a toddler for things which are way beyond her age to deal with. I would hope that when the new law comes in such abuse could be dealt with.

Most children seem to go to nursery these days so it is my hope that the nurseries will have the courage to note any odd behaviour in young children and draw it to the appropriate people's attention.

Twiceasnice there is a difference as this is a proposal to introduce a criminal offence of emotional abuse. This does not currently exist.

My apologies night owl I had not picked that up. On a personal level I would be very happy to introduce emotional abuse as a criminal offence. In my previous career as a family worker for social services for children at risk and in need I saw many cases which frustrated me and my co workers of emotional abuse which were not dealt with by the courts as we would have wished.

Anniebach It could also happen for a child of a parent with a physical disability if the child's own emotional needs are not addressed.

MY DH has just come home from visiting a 14 yr old child who is supposed to be being educated at home. In fact he is just not going to school..which is very different. Mother does not appear to have the capacity to manage his day to day behaviour let alone his education. She 'took him out' of the third secondary school he has attended:moved away from one then excluded from another school and now removed by mum because he was 'being bullied'. He may have been. The mother went to the school and threatened the head with a knife. She herself appeared to be a very unhappy woman. The lad was pretty uncommunicative but did manage to say to DH that a typical day was up at about 10:30, watch TV, play xbox games until he went to bed at abut midnight. Sometimes he went shopping with his mum.

These kids exist all over the place.

Penstemmon presumably the parent knew no better surely it is up to society to help such children? No, I don't know how but I don't think such parents do either. We saw a parent telling a child to "stop effin and blindin" on Sunday and discussed it with a young friend who thought the parent was terribly and had no control but I suspect she didn't know any better. Unless society intervenes then this just carries on from one generation to another and the poor offspring will be the same.

Agree Nonnie, that some parents know no better. Others have had 'good enough' or even very good, loving and appropriate parenting, but a controlling relationship, descent into drug or alcohol abuse leads what they know in their hearts to go missing.
All the research to date confirms the importance of early years to a successful transition into adult hood. The savage cuts on Early Years Centres, Sure Start Centres is so depressing. Especially at a time when as a society we not only have the evidence, and the financial wherewithal. It's cost effective to support families with young children. I'd love to see more resources going in to parents struggling with "difficult" children, but they're being cut as well. Sorry folks for bringing politics into it, but for me, it's unavoidable.

What is wrong with telling a kid to stop effing and blinding? If she has been doing it, presumably she already knows the words. Perfectly good way to put it in my book.

My younger grandson begs me to tell him some more swearwords.

Surely the decision to prosecute will rest on intent to harm; persistence; nature of methods used & impact on child. I think we can rely on the British public & media to shout loudly if a prosecution is deemed to cross the line to unfairness.

Will cases be dealt with in secret Family Courts?
In which case the media will be gagged and the public will know nothing about it.

Extremely interesting subject. I agree with jingl when she says "I don't believe any child gets through childhood without experiencing at least a bit of unintentional emotional abuse from a parent................."

Personally I can remember at least 2 incidents that I would call abuse. One was emotional and one physical. Both incidents have haunted me throughout my life and even more so now that I am a grandma.

Gillybob are you thinking of when you had your hair cut? Perhaps that is an intrusion to comment but your remark has stayed with me. I had a hairdresser aunt who was allowed to "experiment" on my hair which angers me now .at the time I had no option so I really felt for you.

Yes Stansgran. I will never get over it. I look at my gorgeous granddaughters with their long (sometimes straggly) hair and wonder what possessed my dad and mum (although she didn't actually do the deed) to do what they did? I don't think of it as an intrusion at all (I did write about it on the forum afterall) just suprised you remember.

No rosequartz these cases will not be dealt with by Family Courts but by criminal courts.

Nonnie I do not disagree that there needs to be support for those who, for a variety of reasons, cannot manage their daily lives effectively and therefore continue the cycle of underachievement and lack of aspiration. However they need to want help for it to be effective. The purpose of DH visit was to offer some support/advice about the child's education now Mum has removed him from school. She was not interested and but up many excuses. I do not pretend to have the answer but I think that is a form of neglect for that child.

I thought it was against the law to deprive a child of education. How can that mother be allowed to just keep her boy at home without even attempting (apparently) to home-school him?

Ana It is a huge 'gap'! Part of DH's job is to monitor provision of 'Educated Otherwise' kids. LAs have little money to do anything...he visits termly but often families do not answer the door, the kid is not there, gets growled at by the dog etc etc. He makes referrals to various agencies including CAMHS etc but with school places tight even if parents want kids back in a school they are like the voluntarily homeless and are low on any list behind kids newly moved to an area or on a waiting list etc.

There is a growing number of 'home educated' kids out there as some schools persuade parents it is better for them to remove their child than have him/her excluded. It is not! The LA has to educate excluded children but not those 'voluntarily' removed by parents.

I've thought about this and I accept that there are many children who may be harmed emotionally by their families, some to an extent that would constitute abuse.
I also accept that there are Gransnetters who have professional experience of dreadful cases and I respect their views.
But given that emotional abuse is already dealt with in the civil courts, I wonder how making it a criminal offence will improve outcomes for children, or prevent abuse taking place.
Gadabout I'm not sure that the media and the British public shouting loudly will be sufficient to prevent inappropriate prosecutions.