Women, it's time to age disgracefully

Bags stop apologising for having been a stay-at-omeh mum. Your life. Your choice. (I happen to think it a good one)

stay-at-^home^. Not ohme

No offence taken, think poem expresses the cultural norms many younger women feel forced to conform to re appearance and behaviour, many of us shrugged them off but the article describes the pressures to conform as felt by 30 yo+ at the moment, maybe if the ore "disgraceful" ie non-conformist amongst us were more visible that generation may feel less pressured.

Yes. So long as the being non-conformist is genuine. Older women trying deliberately to look 'different' could come across as ridiculous. Although you see that more with older men. Women don't often feel the need.

Not a good article. She does not explain why "disgracefully" suddenly comes into her thinking. It fizzles out prematurely. Does she mean women should "let themselves go" or dye their hair green. One cannot tell.

What is the point about neurosing and moaning about something that you can do nothing about? I mean that as a general rule, not specific to aging, although it applies.

Obviously if you trade on your looks, male or female, if you loose them you can no longer trade on them, but that applies to any physical attribute, athletes, footballers hit the headlines when they are the top of their sport ad fitness and fade once they aren't, unless they are clever enough to have other skills as well, like Seb Coe or some sports commentators.

She is showing her fear of the unknown, of what she thinks is going to happen to her. Whereas all that happens in fact is that men stop ogling your boobs, and I found that quite liberating. It means that males no longer look rather than listen, and women stop feeling threatened. Finally you are free to be yourself and have the confidence to be so. Part of me regrets the passing of my unwrinkled skin, but I feel so much more relaxed now in so many ways.

In her industry, which is so shallow, she may well have cause to worry. Rather than writing articles and calling in to bustling offices and having pleasant little lunches, she will be 'on garden leave' at home all on her own in the burbs writing a novel about aging women.

How can I possibly age disgracefully when I was ever thus...

jingl and janerowena, I like your posts. Spot on about journalists some people who write for newspapers making an issue out of a non-issue.

That's irony for you

While I agree with you Bags that being a SATH mother is just as important work as working outside the home, and an important part of our own personal development, at the time it certainly didn't feel like it. I remember feeling quite deflated and lacking confidence at that time of my life (30-37) and like others, my professional life took off in my forties and my confidence grew with it.
I started my own practice when I was 45 in a deprived area of North Tyneside, and asked advice from as many people as I could. One man expressed reservations about how my potential patients would react to having a woman in their midst, implying that they would prefer a man. Then he asked how old I was, and said 'oh if you're that old you'll probably be alright, but they wouldn't trust a younger woman.' So older women were seen as more competent and mature, not past it.
I think women who are 39 now are in a different place from many of us at that age, with many of them having only just started their families, rather than having mostly completed them.
I also think that it is their generation, not ours, which is fixated on appearance and sexual attractiveness in a way which makes our era look like one of innocence.

Crossed posts Yayajen, agree with you about pressures on younger women.
jingl loved your remark about older men

I was having a pretty enjoyable time, between husbands, when I was 39 and didn't feel a bit worried about being 40. But maybe if I had been "partying" (i.e. smoking, drinking etc) for 20 years then I would have not felt (or looked) so youthful.

My two DiLs, in their early 40s would, I am sure, treat this woman with the withering contempt she deserves. At that age, I was busy with two kids, several part-time jobs and organising events for Amnesty International. Didn't have time to think about ageing. Perhaps the first thing that made me feel like an adult was my mother's death when I was 43!

brings to mind a gift from DD... when in my 30's studying at university 45 mins drive away, working pt as company secretary, full time mum and with a partner who worked away a lot ( a blessing at times) and a social life including demos for my birthday DD about 12 year old, gave me a pot of wrinkle cream. It had never crossed my mind that I was old enough to need such products but I think that gift illustrates the way many younger people view older people - as old with all the negative connotations that little word can convey.

Yep! DD2 gave me a pot of Oil of Ulay for my fortieth birthday.

And in turn, I remember son in law giving DD1 something similar, although much more expensive, for hers. She secretly gave it to me.

At 39 I had a five month old baby!

I had a two month old baby.

(Kept me young, he did)

(I think!)

At 39 I had a 6 and an 8-year old. They probably aged me.

When I was 40, DD was 21, DS1 was 17 and DS2 was 16! Didn't mean to do it that way, but it worked out very well as far as my career was concerned, because I got my first degree when the boys were small, having never worked before, and began teaching.

Yes, I don't care for the wrinkles - but what a story they could tell!

Child bride that you were, Ariadne! However, I don't regret doing it the other way round and having all my fun in my 20s.

Mine were 10 and 12 and I had just returned to full time work with a new professional qualification and a new job after 5 years working part time and studying part time.

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