Do you have any crazy sayings?

She/He Fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Every smile has a frown, all you have to do is turn it upside down.

Sticking your snout in the trough mind get your nose bitten off.

Any road up.

Like trying to catching snow/soot.

My DH (a foriner) says that if something is offered in a tiny portion, it is "like throwing snowballs in hell". And best of all.. Back when snakes had legs ie. a long time ago.
I use the "useless as a chocolate teapot" often and not having a pot to piss in.

Dad was from Liverpool - Mumk thought his 'any road' instead of 'anyway' was dead common! He would talk of a child being 'fetched up' instead of 'brought up' - just to wind her up, I think... another saying of his, to describe a weakling 'He couldn't punch his way out of a wet Echo' - the Liverpool Echo being a well-known local newspaper...

Also a friend I used to work with from Northumberland used to say, Don't stand there like piffy'.
Have also remembered , 'Does he think ma heid buttons up the back?' which is more or less the same as, ' Ah didna come up the Clyde on a banana boat.' I could go on but I think I will stop now.

I've just come upon this thread. Most of my favourite sayings came from my father.
When we asked what was for tea he always said, 'Stewed whitret' (not sure of spelling) but it means weasel where I come from.
If something happened a long time ago he said it was 'when Noah was a boy'.
I once worked a sunmmer in Cornwall with a lovely girl called Anne Derbyshire. She used to say she was so hungry she could 'eat a horse and chase the driver'. Loved that saying....
Also say, 'couldn't give a monkey's fart' when I don't really care what happens.
As mad as a box of frogs is another one.
When we were young and came in from playing out in the rain my friend's mother used to say, 'You're not made of sugar' and send us back out again. What fun!!

Well ladies, far too much for my delicate ears I feel. I have heard of most of the sayings that I have read (born in Tottenham, raised in Kennington, family home in Hampshire, lived in too many other countries for anything from 3 months to 2½ years and now in Cheshire). At the risk of having missed it there is also "couldn't punch clay uglier"

And my mother came from Holloway - not the nick, I hasten to add, but from Archway Road!

Yes dusty my mum came from leytonstone!

I've just started reading this thread, familiar with a lot of them, particularly Bez's contribution "face like a smacked arse" quite a few Tory boy toffs who fit that description! A friend of mine always describes women that are over enhanced, over bronzed, everything on display and covered int tattoos often to be seen stumbling around on hen dos, or at places like Aintree and Ascot as "rough as guts!"

My husband said his mum also used to say "black as Newgate's knocker" a saying he was told that was passed down the line in his mother's family, they were all Londoners. I imagine it was a saying that was quite prolific once, particularly when Newgate was in existence. Wouldn't mean anything to many now.

I meant to ask celebrgran ealier if her mum was a londoner? DH was talking the other day about his auntie saying that he was as black as Newgate's knocker. His Mum (married to auntie's brother) would only answer 'as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth' when asked how old she was.

Yes feetle. That was another one ! My mum was 40 when she has us so she would have been 98 now but prison would still been before her day !

'Black as Newgate's knocker' was one of my grandmother's sayings - the Newgate prison was demolished in her lifetime, having closed in 1902. The Old Bailey stands there now...

Mum used 'bread and pullet/pull it (?)' - I never understood that one. 'Bread and scrape' was another version.

In answer to 'how old are you?' she would say 'as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth'.

When my mother was worried (most of the time) she was 'up to high doh'.

My mum had so many sayings she been dead 29 years but they still in my head! eg. A blind man would be glad to,see it
a little help is worth a deal of pity (very true)
As black as new gates knocker
To name a few all can think of this early
Oh in answer to what's for tea Bread and pull it!

Another of my mother's expressions - she used it to describe the way a shock might affect someone - "Ooh, she'll have a pink fit with her leg up!"

No, I don't understand it either... but the memory makes me smile.

How I smiled at all those so-familiar sayings. My Nana, who was quite genteel most of the time, used to say "You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're stoking the fire". She would say this when we said "what does he see in her" about some good-looking fella dating a less than pretty girl. As a child I took no notice, but now think it was quite rude for my Nana to say!

Flowerofthewest You reminded me of my father with that first one. He used to really enjoy saying that.

Bez I've also heard
"Face liked a smacked arse " I don't know whether this has already been mentioned as I haven't kept up with this thread.

'Face like a five pounds summons'. - anyone else use that one?

Red hat no drawers - a favourite of my mothers!

Back of the queue when (brains, looks etc) were handed out!

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.

Rough as a badgers arse

Love all these - StoryNanny reminded me of lots I havent used for a while.
Have we had "sandwich short of a picnic" for someone who doesn't have "all their chairs at the table" . In other words they are not the "sharpest knife in the box"

All fur coat and no knickers

Face like a slapped arse

CBA (can't be arsed)

RA ( rough arse, someone/something rather rough or common!!!)

You're a ninny noo noo ... A jokey version to a child of you're a bit silly or funny.

As much use as a chocolate fire guard

Hit by the ugly stick - not something I would say I hasten to add, as it means someone who isn't very attractive.

Unfortunate - like above, as in " she's a bit unfortunate" again not something I would say I promise!

Heard one today from my SiL

You are worse than twitch (meaning hard to get rid of ie a nuisance) she said this to my DH who was being annoying

Another is 'grows like Topsy' meaning grows quickly or without origin. from a character called Topsy in Uncle Tom's Cabin who, when asked about God said "I'spect I growed, don't think nobody ever made me"

I use "the bees knees" a lot, but on thinking about it, have bees got knees in the first place?(grin)

My son has just offered me these two "gems" ???

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

And

She is so ugly she wouldn't get a whistle out of a kettle.