Invisible Women

Not noticed being invisible yet, even though I hit 70 this year.

One of my aunts, 5 foot at her tallest, but much shrunk in old age and with a sweet face, looked very 'ah bless you'. However she had been the Senior Nursing tutor in a big hospital in London and the look that could freeze an errant nurse or cut a doctor down to size came in very useful as she got older. She was ignored or patronised at the assistant's peril.

I recently said to my friend "I could walk through our local town wearing my nightie and I guarantee, no-one would notice". Oh for the days when we were young and attractive, and you could feel the admiring glances!

Am I alone in quite liking this invisibility cloak? Glad to not care how I look, what anyone thinks of me, just to be an observer of the hormone fuelled mating game going on around me? I like to look on and smile

Yes, I do feel a bit like that now, nightowl. I think I was probably rather too self-conscious when I was younger, and didn't like being stared at or ogled - now there's no chance of that it's strangely liberating!

Is being invisible the same as being stared and ogled at? I thought it was more about being actively ignored and being treated as if of no account.

I think a lot of it is about how we carry ourselves and what we expect. If we expect to be seen and act and look the part, we will, generally, be seen, but I think many women, particularly older women, lack the confidence and assertion to insist that they are seen.

Sometimes I hum to myself when I go round shops these days. I think to myself "Well, nobody notices anyway!"

I don't lack any confidence! Or assertion!

It can be liberating.

I usually get asked "Is everything alright there dear?" because I stand looking at things so long. (I just like looking)

You're right Flickety they are different. I don't like being ignored in shops but I think it's all part of the same syndrome. I don't think older men are ignored in the same way, whereas women are still only valued for their sexuality. I just think we should turn getting older to our advantage if we can, by recognising what a sham it is!

I find my problem is when I go into a bar at only 4'11 the staff seem to serve the tall ones on either side or even behind me [Smile]

Still can't work out how to get smiling faces (smile)

Square brackets were right. But don't use capitals or leave spaces!

Thanks Galen just starred this a few weeks it's taking me a wile to work it out[Smile]

[Smile]

granniefinn

I really do not think sex appeal comes into it. Looking at people in my local supermarket, very few of them, regardless of age or gender, ooze obvious desirability. I think it is how we value ourselves and our expectations for ourselves. Having worked most of my life in a male dominated environment, usually the only woman who was not a clerical worker, I am used to holding my own among men and possibly some of their air of effortless superiority has rubbed off on me

I am surprised this still happens, it doesn't seem to here. Perhaps Hilda and I are very lucky in where we live. I don't even get patronised like Lily seemed to.

We have spent a lot of time this week going round car showrooms and in one near a big city we kept looking at the cars while the sales people sat at their desks. Was that because of our age or just laziness? Eventually I went up to one of them and said "There seem to be a lot of staff but no one has offered to help us". We got instant help! In all of the others we got great service and I got even more attention than DH so there was no sexism either.

I suspect car showrooms are full of people looking for cars they would like to afford but cant or wanting to get a look at a make and model they will then go out and buy second hand. So few are actively looking with the intention of possibly buying, the staff only help those who actively ask for it, and then are very helpful.

I wonder if clothes make a difference. #todressupornottodressup

I doubt it. When I worked it was all smart suits but now it is jeans and a sweater.

On a cynical note, Movedalot, it could have been that you got more attention than your DH because some salespeople seem to think that if it's a couple, one should always target the woman as she usually has the deciding vote...

Movedalot...our experience of buying a car was pretty impressive. We went in with something in mind and I quickly hinted that I rarely drive and it was all pretty academic to me BUT the young man who dealt with us throughout the eventual purchase was excellent at including me in everything. He really treated us as individuals looking from my OH to me throughout our conversations. It came as no surprise to me that when we went back a few months later to get some free petrol (part of our freebies), we found out he had been poached by a bigger garage!