Advice to all. Keep your contact list up to date.

learnergran I do feel for you. It is hard enough to suffer bereavement without unnecessary and all too often unfeeling bureaucracy.It must be so hard to even summon up the energy, let alone the courage to do what you have to do. A lesson to us all.
On a lighter-hearted note, every year I ask DH to update the contacts list so that he can print off address labels for C cards and every year I have to edit them again to change addresses of friends who have moved and remove reference to those who have died (and avoid crass embarrassment to surviving spouses). Each time I refer back to an elderly filofax whose sole purpose in my life is to record addresses and phone numbers. But having labels does lighten the C card writing "load."

My children both have power of attorney so they can take control of my finances if needed. Whether they've put the details of that somewhere safe is another matter! But I must update my will, although there's only one grandchild missing from it.

I am all in favour of keeping all records up to date as it just makes life a lot easier and, I suppose, makes death a lot easier if you are going to bother informing a great bunch of people. Even so, things can go wrong as PRINTMISS has pointed out. I had a similar problem when an abusive partner hid or destroyed my address book with the intention of preventing me from contacting friends and family. In fact, only one person who was ex-directory was never traced and she clearly didn't care that much about me or she would have rung some time. Abusive ex-partner is now dead – I didn't feel the need to inform anyone.

It's not just contacts. It's all the essential information. Sadly, I am presently dealing with the aftermath of my DH's death. He was reasonably well organised but even so some of it has been very difficult, especially the current finances. He was old-fashioned in that, despite everything I had to say about it over the years, and especially lately, his salary/pension went into an a account held in his own name, from which all bills were paid. That of course was blocked immediately, and because he was not here to give his authority, the bank was unable to transfer anything to the joint account. I have had to contact every single direct debit payee individually to change all the accounts and payment details, and am still waiting for any money at all to come through to what had been the joint account - normal cashflow is now dire. (Not helped by bank errors, and their holding everything up because his credit card was, would you believe it, in credit - to the princely sum of 1p! Yes, 1p). It will all work itself out but I would have had enormous problems had I not had any money of my own saved in instant access accounts to tide me over. Also, you really need to go through deep savings and life insurance policies and check the small print. One policy, which was originally taken out as mortgage endowment, will not pay out until the Building Society we happened to have the mortgage with at the time, over twenty years ago and long-since redeemed, has traced the papers and signed away their rights to it.
I am spending this weekend going through all financial paperwork, weeding and filing, so that it is all absolutely clear for the DC when the time comes.

My computer recently crashed, and I lost all my address book - so a bit of advice here, if you keep your records on your computer, get your address book up to date, and print it off, or save it to an external hard-drive. Fortunately we have lots of 'old' friends who are still with us, so I have their address in my hand-written address book, and others often e-mail me, so I have waited for them to contact me and been able to get those addresses up to date, but I was really shaken when I realised what I had lost! Phone numbers as well, of course.

johanna
It's harder to make friends as you get older but as you said you're only 66. Can you not find some ways of meeting new people?
absent why indeed ?

Oh, Johanna.

I can't see any reason why people should be bothered with phone calls or letters telling them that I have died (when I have) unless there is a legacy involved. Mr absent and absentdaughter and family will know anyway and I don't think it will be momentous news for anyone else.

johanna ((hugs))

johanna

This advice makes me very sad.
All my friends have either died, have divorced, or moved abroad.
I don't need a list. All whom I have loved dearly are not around anymore.
And I am only 66.

Just been to renew my list and I came across a document that I had never got round to filling in. It's supplied by Age UK and it covers all the information on funeral arrangements, donating organs for transplant, bank accounts etc. At the end of the document it also has a place where you can list people to contact and useful stuff such as where to find things like your birth certificate etc. My sister in law had dreadful trouble finding her DH's birth certificate when he died suddenly and it set me thinking that my OH probably wouldn't have a clue where to find all sorts of necessary stuff

Reminder to self - fill the form in asap

You can find it here: www.ageuk.org.uk/documents/en-gb/factsheets/fs27_planning_for_a_funeral_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true

Good advice hunter I will do that

I used to have a list that my OH could use. It was headed "those who might be interested" and it listed all my friends that I wanted someone to contact once I am no longer around. But you have reminded me to update that list and leave it in a file on the computer with other relevant information. Thanks for the reminder

I think my contacts are reasonably up to date but I will have another check now while I am awaiting some phone calls.

Frank

Thanks for the reminder, Hunterf. I'll go ahead and do just that right now - no time like the present.