I Dread Christmas, 2012

celegran some people don't deserve loving parents like you. Perhaps one day they will wake up and realise what they've missed. There is always hope.
(((((Hugs))))
In the meantime enjoy your DS who obviously values you and wants you with him and his new family at this important time of year

That is so sad hunni. Christmas just rubs salt in the wounds.

I echo what nanadog has just said.

xxx

I'm not looking forward to Christmas either, for various reasons, but mainly because if a big fall out last Boxing day between my two sons, which has resulted in them not speaking since. It means I can't see them and their families all together. It is so sad that my GC don't get together anymore. I am going to spent the holiday with my best and oldest friend instead.

That's a good idea. What a shame your sons don't see how important family is.

Thankyou Sel and vampirequeen for your understanding. I dont think I made it very clear what I meant so sorry about that. My ex and his son are staying with my DD and her family. I think that is just fine but it does exclude me and DH as we were last year and previous years because she was living with in-laws we were included there which wasnt the best. I realise its a difficult time of year for all step families but it doesnt the emotional baggage becomes any easier over the years to deal with. Even if they are totally irrational and almost petulant at tmes I suppose. There is so much strain put onto all who do not have the ideal family set up. To be honest I dont even want to spend xmas with DH as his idea of a celebration is getting as much alcohol down his neck as possible. I actually cannot believe I am saying thi but I think I am nearing the end of my tother with a lot of stuff in my life. Must be the menopause or just the dawnig of sense? Who knows. Weary of it all if honest. Sorry to be so miserable. X to all

We all have our patches like that janey and the short,dark, wet, cold, windy days surely don't help at this time of year.
I have to some extent conquered my pre-xmas gloom but I do have to use some coping strategies.
1. minimise the darn thing. No cards. No decorations. Pressies minimal e.g. kids only. use Amazon for most.
2. try not to think about it too much. Avoiding shopping helps
3. Tell myself it is only one day, and that will be ALL RIGHT when it happens - just have to go with the in-law flow and not feel disapproving of the immense expenditure on pressies.
4. Be pleased with any pressies I have , even though I would rather someone else got an oxfam goat or toilet. (look at it as an opportunity to stock up on essentials like replacement cotton nighties)
5. Get outdoors for a walk every day, even in bad weather.
etc

That's very sad janey. Don't know what to say really.

janey, my heart goes out to you. If my ex wasn't now living a very long way away, I might be in the same situation, although my DSs are very caring souls as are their OHs. Lots of bad things have happened in my life in December/January, so I am especially sensitive. Please, janey, do keep posting and sounding off on us. We're good at absorbing other grans' angst. and make yourself a or pour yourself a

Christmas is like holidays; we expect it to be wonderful and, when it isn't we feel that everyone else is having a wonderful time [they're not]. I don't even know where I'll be this year; speaking to my daughter again but haven't been to their house for a long time and feel very uncomfortable about going there [if I'm invited, that is]. I sometimes think my ideal Christmas would be a long walk in the country [cold with just a touch of frost but with blue sky] followed by a meal in a beautiful country pub and then home to watch something good on the telly. I think once we get into stepfamily territory everything starts to get very complicated. It hit me one year when we had Christmas dinner with the S.O.'s family due to another disagreement with mine and I mentioned to them that my daughter was pregnant. In that instance I realised that it meant nothing to them [why should it?] and somehow I felt that I didn't really belong there. I miss my in laws dreadfully because they were my family, and always feel I should be with them at Christmas time. What I'm trying to say janey is I kind of know where you're coming from [never use one word when twenty will do, me ].

Christmas is like a magnifying glass or a bright light showing up all the imperfections in our lives which we usually manage to keep under wraps the rest of the year.Ther is the expectation that it will bring us lots of Ho Ho and God rest Ye Merry and Comfort and Joy and as it rarely lives up to any of these expectations it can be a dreadful let down or, as many have admitted, something to dread. As jessM says - it is just one day( or at worst 2). it will be over and whose business is it what we do except our own. Cards, pressies, tinsel and fairy lights may be fine for some, but anathema to others.
If you really cannot bear to spend Christmas with your DH, how about volunteering for one of the Homeless centres for the day? I have never done it, but know some people who have and they have assured me that ifyouI were feeling lonely or low, making it a good day for others would be a reward in itself.

Oh hun I'm so sorry. Now I understand completely. Your OH sounds just like my ex husband. The thought of spending Christmas alone with him would have sent me into despair.

Oh jacey, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. As many have implied, there is no 'ideal' Christmas, and lots of us on here have found a way of making the best of it, in our own ways. I really hope you do, too.

Jess and grace - wise words.

This is such a sad thread to read. My heart is sore. Good wishes to everyone for this time. I guess we will all survive it.........

Very mixed feelings about Xmas this year. At least we won't be doing the big feast at my daughter's which didn't work at all last year, one of her sons was asleep and two didn't turn up. Four of us did our best.
I haven't heard from my older daughter in several years.

The year before, I wore a BAH HUMBUG hat and broke my wrist.

I have been known - after my partner died - to go and help at the MIND dinner in Oxford instead of joining the others. Only that year.
Another time I had had enough by Boxing Day, and spent the whole day in my room mending an electric piano.

This time my sister is taking us to the Mitre in Oxford, where I have never been.
Sounds like a big improvement.

Any one remember this:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffO8nZThwmM
..............Not really light relief! Too much truth in it.

Teenagers/young adults and xmas. huh. Memememememe me - I want to do the roast potatoes, stand aside mother.
Then they disappear off to the pub half way through and come back drunk and raucous. Such joy. Unless they are totally hung over after xmas eve. In which case bears with sore heads. Even more joy.

4 GC between 5 and 10, well past the 'cute' stage! All capable of coming to blows. No doubt the kid from next door will be round too. Do I predict a riot? Dads will be in the kitchen. Grans and mums will be seeking refuge in the bubbly. Best way is oblivion. cheers, everyone!

thank you nanadog and vampire queen those comments lifted my spirits, perhaps she really does not deserve loving parents like us!!

Well JessM and Crimson, if you were hear I would hug you both!!!!!
I actually felt yesterday like my world was unravelling at the edges. Did have a brief call with a friend who knows My past and (oh far too much to tell here)
it helps to have people around who REALLY know what you mean. Like you crimson why use few words when many will do better! Sadly if there is "family" or "relationship" issues good old xmas stirs it all up a treat. Cannot thank you all enough for the kind and even minded advice and understanding. A few big decisions I think next year on the horizon. Thats terrifying as like you crimson I get on with my sister in law very well and then theres the GC aswel. Oh
F.....g hell. Thats all I have to say about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X to all.

Have just read Alieoxon and laughed out loud. Let me tell you thats good for me!! Thankyou Alieoxon. VERY MUCH

AlieOxon Was the broken wrist connected to the BAH HUMBUG hat or simply coincidental?

AlieOxon, thanks for the Tom Lehrer. I'd forgotten that one!

absent I thinnk it was a coincidence - but just in case I have given the hat away!

Alie that was perfect, I'd never heard it before. So apt. Thank you

No problem janey we do pre xmas traumas on this thread. Pre-xmas gloom and trauma are us. We are the GURUS!
Glad you are feeling a bit more positive now.
Shall i entertain you. My dear MIL - housebound and fragile but stubborn - has now got a xmas list drawn up of all the presents she is going to give. After adjustment for deaths there are 56 of them! You understand that she has 3 willing daughters who actually do all the shopping for her. And put them on a spreadsheet!!! (Eternal thanks for their existence, the SILs)
56
Singlehandedly shoring up the economy?

JessM quite sweet that she actually does that at, what I presume, to be an advanced age. And I do like the positive spin there on the economy

After today I won't be posting for a couple of weeks. I'm coming up to the fourth anniversary if my little grandson's 'Angel Day' and just need to crawl away to a dark place and grieve.