Do you ever feel intimidated?

Trouble is Lily that the mum was rescued when she was small enough to sit in the palm of my hand and used to sleep on my neck to keep her warm. The four fonts were born in my office and have never known anywhere else than being with me. They have to be fussed and loved in a familiar environment and not hired out. Apparently stroking cats is really good for blood pressure, so mine must be magnificent – except first thing in the morning when the cats yowl and beat a bastinado on the bedroom door from five o'clock onwards.

Sorry everyone for deviation.

Sometimes I feel what to others might seem like being intimidated, but perhaps because I grew up in an debating household where we could have 'fierce' or 'passionate' debates without falling out, I recognise the feeling as what might be called the buzz of debate. At least, I think that's what I mean.

I noticed that you seemed a bit upset on GN recently, nanadogs, but I thought that had passed.

Like absent, I don't think there are any regular posters on GN who would deliberately try to intimidate another GN-er. In some subjects 'nit-picking' and continually trying to agree a definition is what it's all about. To me that's just a way of increasing understanding and of reaching agreement, even if the agreement is to differ from, but accept the other point of view.

There are some types of threads I don't post on because I don't feel I can fit in with the prevalent 'mood'.

I hooe you feel better soon, nanadogs, and can find plenty that suits you on GN. There should be plenty. It is fairly diverse.

Well said jane

I feel like you absent. When energetic debates are in full flow, they are interesting and also can be challenging, but I don't feel that they are personal and certainly not meant to intimidate. I like to see fair play and no-one should feel cornered by an argument. We are all entitled to have our own views even if others disagree. Having dealt with harassment and bullying in the work setting, I have seen how a pattern of low-level needling of a person can wear them down as much as a on-off personal attack, and any sign of such needling usually gets picked up and challenged on Gransnet before it gets off the ground. That's a healthy way to deal with it, I think.

The strong and strident women on here are also the ones who are open to being questioned and challenged. I notice that they don't take offence, nor do they carry issues over to other threads. They can strongly disagree with others in one thread, and fully support those they have disagreed with on another.

Stick around nanadogsbody,please

Where are they, absent? And can I give them back?

Lilygran I've got five – you can have the lot as long as you like. Some are really good purrers.

Please don't leave Nanadogsbody
I felt intimidated a few times when I first joined and thought of leaving for that reason and also it was taking up too much time!
I just avoid the temptation to answer back if I think things are going to be awkward, leave the thread and find a nicer one. I try to remember that things sound much harsher on a computer screen than if we were all just sitting having a few drinks together
I've learned a lot in the short time I've been on GN and generally find other people's opinions fascinating, and that outweighs the occasional slightly hurt feeling.
I did put in the census thingy that I thought the forum should be more actively moderated because I realised it wasn't only me feeling slightly upset sometimes. I've noticed several people seem to have stopped posting recently and that is a shame - the more the merrier I think.
I think it's also a pity that there isn't a facility to edit one's posts so that if someone regrets something they have posted, they could delete or modify it. I suppose a request can always be made to GNHQ.
Anyway sorry for rambling and please don't go

Do you have to provide the pet?

Pets as Therapy sounds wonderful! I'd love to borrow a couple of cats for an afternoon......

Whilst I have never felt intimidated I do agree with glitabo that some people with very entrenched views can appear to be a little strident sometimes. If I feel that way I merely stop posting on that thread. I try to be reasonable in my posts and accept that others may not agree with my views.

Gransnet on the whole is a great place for advice and discussion, I have been on other forums where the postings have been extremely unpleasant with personal attacks for disagreeing with a particular view.

Nanadog There are some posters who are very well informed and extremely articulate and therefore both good and speedy at expressing their opinions. However, I would suggest that they are exactly the posters who truly welcome other viewpoints and pictures of the matter in hand. There have been discussions about bullying , but truly I don't believe it happens. Strong opinions don't mean that alternative opinions and viewpoints aren't welcome. That is what discussion and debate is all about. You can't have a good knock down argument if anyone is in agreement. Please don't for a second think of leaving GN when so many of us value your postings and opinions so highly.

Very perceptive * glitabo*
I'm having to go on the school run now, and then on to a Pets as Therapy session. I hope this thread will run for a bit, peacefully if possible.

I respect your honesty Nanad and I understand where you're coming from. I haven't ever felt intimidated on Gransnet, because essentially, it's just words on a screen. However, I have felt uncomfortable about the occasional break-out of what seem to be quite strident attitudes and opinions.
In real life, I don't particularly like confrontation or 'in your face' ness, and will back away from it if possible. The same on here. If I come across a few threads with quite scratchy posts, I just back off and stay away for a while, but I always come back and always will
I hope you don't leave Nanad, because in our very different ways, we all make a valuable contribution to Gransnet. It takes all - very varied - sorts!

nelliem of course I didn't, bless you. I'm not that feeble! And when you've always been supportive when I've taken a hit.
Please people don't try to second guess who or what, and it's not all about how I feel but also how I have felt when others have been treated.

I think if someone has a lot of knowledge and experience in a particular field, then I wouldn't argue with them.

I think that I picked up on the way you are feeling Nanadogsbody from another thread when you said that you do not post as much as you used to.
Perhaps I have misinterpreted your thoughts but I think that they are very similar to my own. I do enjoy GN and I love the chats and support and advice and jokes. I also enjoy the debates, but very often these are hijacked by those with entrenched views. I can live with that too, but what I find frustrating is the continuous nit picking by a few GNetters over perhaps the choice of words or the usage of words by some of the contributors. When things are written down it is easy to feel put down or intimidated, because you can not see the face of the other people or hear the tone of their voices. Personally I am not feeling intimidated by these posts but they do make me feel like not bothering. I enjoyed the Midlands meet up and met some very interesting women. I believe that interesting women are in the majority in GN. So I am going to continue to enjoy it and I hope you do too.

Now I will dive under the desk and take cover.

nanadb I hope it wasn't my last post on "How Did you find Gransnet" as I was including myself in my comments as a GN addict. I find it hard not to comment on stuff that catches my attention. If it did sound wrong to you I fully apologise. I had not meant it to be a criticism just a humourous observation.

It depends what's being discussed. There are some threads I read and don't comment on as I don't feel I know enough, although I will go away and read up so I know a bit more. I hope you stay nanadogdsbody. Gransnet is for everyone to enjoy

Grannyknot, your opinions are worth just as much as anyone's. Being 'learned' doesn't make people's opinions right! Plenty of us manage to talk through an unmentionable orifice and still sound convincing!!!

If I feel uncomfortable with a discussion, I just don't take part in it. I think forums develop a characteristic "voice" and I would say this one is pretty gentle really. Have you spent any time on Mumsnet? It makes for an interesting comparison.

* grannyknot* that's is worrying that you feel you can't air your views.

No, I usually give as good as I get and if I can't I turn my back on the situation.

I feel a bit intimidated sometimes e.g. when people appear to be very learned about a particular subject and so definite in their opinions that I daren't air mine.

petallus

Yes I do sometimes feel intimidated. I usually recover.