Bit disgruntled and feeling ever so slightly vicious....

If you value your house and furniture you should refuse ANY offer of help from him
Just count yourself lucky he is letting you get on with it!

Now where did I put that old gym membership card....?? ��

Katek any excuse to check out the fit young men in their Lycra from the sound of it!!

"Man with a van" perhaps? I am sure there are lads/young men/strong women willing to help out, and also in my experience most tradesmen will move any furniture you need moving as part of the job.

Hahaha! Maybe I could haunt local gym looking for likely candidates.....or do you think they might notice granny gawping from the corner?

Mr Muscle...? Or is that a drain cleaner?

Double x'd posts!! What does muscle power come under in Yellow Pages I wonder?

Yes, I understand. He sounds ignorant, to put it politely...

X'd posts ... we needed a hand emptying the room of all contents to allow the professionals in. Couple of hours lugging stuff about really.

x posts, sorry. You can probably hire muscle power as well...[wink0

I agree. Your SIL sounds like the last person who should be allowed anywhere near a project that you hope's going to be successful!

If you can't cope, as Soutra says, get professional help. And don't rush in to rescue SIL from his own DIY disasters in future.

It was the muscle power we needed not the diy skills! Had trades in for all that.

So why on earth would anybody want any help from him?
Don't really see the issue. DIY is massively overrated IMHO anyway, keep tradesmen and craftsmen in a job and get the professionals in!

DH is still working 4 days so affordability wouldn't be an issue. Family are well aware of all our health issues, but as Flutterby says they seem to find difficulty in acknowledging these issues. It's almost as if they think DH and I should try harder! DD will always take the opposite stance to me...on the odd occasion she does agree with me I'm in shock! They're a very outgoing and sociable couple with lots of friends and social activities and somehow we get pushed to the end of the line. It's always us that visits them for instance, but they're very sociable and always make us very welcome, I just wish they would make an effort to come to us. Like many though we keep our counsel for the greater good, and we do have a fab relationship with our DGS. The knock on benefit of busy parents means we get a lot of time with him as we babysit and have him to stay quite a lot.

SIL's diy exploits are legendary - that's what I could actually write a book about. They even merited a mention in DH's speech at their wedding. He fitted a new shower tray and a few weeks later there was a 3' bulge in the living room ceiling. DH had to drain the water, cut out and replace damaged ceiling and reseal the shower tray. The staircase collapsed when Sil removed the handrail and spindles from an open tread staircase, despite warnings that this was what was holding the staircase together. Boxing Day morning we got a phone call asking if we had a ladder-on enquiring why we discovered that as Sil was coming downstairs that morning the treads had all started to pop out from the wall, one after the other, and he went with them. I'm sorry I missed it, it must have been like something out of a Laurel & Hardy movie! The ladder was to rescue DD who was still upstairs. DH and other SIL managed to fix stairs - even making up tie bars to hold it all together. I could go on and on and on......! It's not just been simple bits of diy that DH has helped with. but some fairly major emergency repairs. That's why I didn't think it was too much to expect a little help when we were struggling.

But the third option is just to let it pass... I agree with those who say that our offspring and their partners often just don't see us as slowing down and don't understand how we can possibly be busy once we're retired (how wrong they are on both counts). For the sake of family harmony, I would let this go, unless you really can't persuade someone else to help, in which case yes, you do need to let him know that you need his assistance - you mustn't compromise your health. I can completely understand why you are furious - I would be myself - but is it worth a big family fall out? As others have said, just refuse calmly next time you're asked to help, quoting your health issues. He'll get the message, and let's hope he starts to feel a wee bit ashamed of himself.

katek you have EVERY right to be angry. You have two choices stay angry and stew in your own juices or pick up that phone and tell him in no un certain terms that he needs to find the time to help you and your DH. Just as You and DH found the time when he needed you. There are times to let things go and there are times to pick up the phone and sort it. You and DH deserve this help.

I'vee got an old laptop that I've been thinking about getting rid of as it's just sitting there looking at me. DS, however, lives too far for regular DiY, though when he does manage a few days up north, he always says, 'Do you want me to bring my tools?' What do you think?

A 12 year old laptop is probably worth about half a crown! Sorry, slight exaggeration there, but seriously what planet is your sister living on?

Goodness janer your sister as playing a risky game wasn't she?
What if your DH had given her the laptop back and started charging her by the hour

I thought it was an excellent book title, too!

I have learnt that I can ask my OHes (nos. 1 and 2) to help a relative, but cannot expect them to agree, they are their own people. Asking your DD for help from SiL may not go down well, but it's worth a try. At times you just have to pull the 'elderly relative' card.

When my sister, who had far more money than us, was widowed she seemed to expect DBH to be her substitute OH and do all sorts of DIY for her. As we had masses of our own to be getting on with, and very little time at weekends to relax because his work spills into the weekends, he soon became very disgruntled. When I told her that she should perhaps start looking for a good cheap reliable handyman she was furious with him. She then proceeded to remind us that about 6 years ago she had passed on to him her OH's laptop - which was about 6 years old at the time. By her calculations this 12 year old laptop was still worth about £800, so she reckoned that DBH owed her a good 200 hours of forced labour! We were astounded! Let's just say that relationships have been a little strained ever since.

The kids don't want to have to acknowledge that we are not as up to everything as we used to be.

I think back to when I was working f/t and had 3 kids - yes, busy.

Fab book title.

Starting a fight with in-laws inadvisable, maybe make negotiations a bit tougher next time he asks you for support.

Katek, what does your daughter have to say about this situation? Does she know that you are not in the best of health? I find it doesn't do to keep them in the dark. Then they can never say, 'But I didn't know...Why didn't you tell me...?'

Your SiL probably sees you as having all the time in the world, being retired, so it's perfectly easy for you to give him help when he needs it. But as he's working, he doesn't feel obliged to reciprocate.
This is wrong, and very unfair because what he's not considering is that these things are very much harder to do as we get older, so it's not just about the amount of time involved, it's the effort as well. What he would take a couple of hours to do might well take you all day.
Trouble is, our kids, including our kids-in-law, just see us as they always have - the parents who've always done things, always coped, always been there for them. I don't think it really registers fully with them when we start to slow down and have health issues which make life difficult for us. And consequently it takes time for them to recognise that actually they need to start 'being there' for us.

A good title for a book though!

'Disgruntled and Ever so Slightly Vicious'