Bereavement wipes out everything

I think you'll always feel heartbroken and devastated after such a long time together. I really can't imagine what it must be like. Your dear DH would be very proud of you.

Orphaned suddenly at 16 I thought I understood grief, but navigating life without DH after nearly 60 years together is a different world, one which four years down the road is still surprising me. I am still poleaxed by unexpected memories and every day am aware of the gap in my life. None of this is what other people want to share, and I soldier on and hope that somewhere in the ether DH is proud of me.

I feel that people put a time limit on grief - 'she should be over it by now'. Some people are just irreplaceable and life is never the same again. Sometimes I feel as I've died but just going through the motions of living.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom but it really is a comfort to know that other people feel the same way. We all put on a front and it's nice to drop it sometimes.

Coffeedrinkingthinker

As grief is so personal I regret ever mentioning the sea of grief that people hold within.
I really didnt mean to offend you.
But I am clearly different to you all.
And thats O.K.
We are all different in some way .

I wasn't at all offended by your post. Yes, everyone is different.

I've lost my parents, sisters, a sil, and 4 children. I cope, not particularly well, by praying. 'Light at the end of the tunnel' is Heaven, IMO.

Coffeedrinkingthinker

As grief is so personal I regret ever mentioning the sea of grief that people hold within.
I really didnt mean to offend you.
But I am clearly different to you all.
And thats O.K.
We are all different in some way .

You didn’t offend me either and I genuinely thought and still believe you were coming from a place of grief and with an good open heart

barmcake and Sue So sorry. Yes barmcake it leaves you numb. I cry at very little now.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Personally I've found help lines etc. useless. I know there are group where you can discuss grief openly, maybe this would help. Might sound daft but do you cry? I just can't cry even though I want to.

I am currently drowning in a sea of grief. The waters may calm a bit but I’ll never be on dry land again.

Kate1949

My mother died when I was 23, my sister was left without her mother at 14. My in-laws both died in 1971, both in their 50s, leaving an 1 year old son. My brother took his own life at 24. My nephew died of leukemia at 16. I was visiting him in hospital when he died. His mother never got over it (obviously) and died of a heart attack aged 49 leaving a young son. It is far from easy. for you all.

You've had more than your fair share of deaths, and in really tragic circumstances. You must be a strong person to deal with all that.

My brother took his own life too. There's a me before it happened and a me after. I feel quite numb to everything. There's a Motorhead song where he sings 'win some, lose some, it's all the same to me. If I gambled on a horse for instance, it wouldn't matter whether I lost or won, I just don't feel anymore.

And of course you don't have to tell us anything.

I can only speak for myself Coffeedrinkingthinker but I apologise if I posted anything to 'set you off'. You are clearly very upset and you have my sincere sympathy.

Is your latest post aimed at anyone in particular or are we all guilty?

You certainly didn't offend me. It's good to put things down and know that you're not alone.

As grief is so personal I regret ever mentioning the sea of grief that people hold within.
I really didnt mean to offend you.
But I am clearly different to you all.
And thats O.K.
We are all different in some way .

To all of you who still have raw bereavement I was actually trying to offer a little hope and consolation.

Interesting how you can assume I have no knowledge of grief!
Remarkable even.
Im not going to share my losses with you.
I just dont feel compelled to.
I wasnt saying it was easy but my experience is that grief fades from its original sucker punch to the stomach and over time, the misery and pain diminishes.
Its an emotive subject and maybe you thought it was thoughtless of me to mention it over a bank holiday when we're all suppossed to be jumping around like happy little bunnies.
It was an anniversary day and perhaps thats what prompted me to write it.
But I will NEVER TELL YOU WHO MY LOSSES ARE.

Kate1949

*Cossy*. I agree re the people on here. They are a comfort. Sometimes when I've posted I think 'Oh dear that was such a misery fest' but have been met with nothing but understanding and kindness.

🩷🩷

Cossy. I agree re the people on here. They are a comfort. Sometimes when I've posted I think 'Oh dear that was such a misery fest' but have been met with nothing but understanding and kindness.

I’m one of the walking wounded but I’ll leave it at that!
Moving on from a time when bereavement defines you is exhausting but the new normal can bring joy in a different way.
Onwards and upwards!

Together with the horrible childhood and subsequent events, sometimes it's a struggle to find a bright side. Somehow we carry on.

The outpouring of support and emotion on here illustrates so well how lovely every single one of you GNs truly are.

Despite robust debate and polar opposite opinions in some subjects, where and when it counts, you are all beautiful souls.

Thank you

Yes indeed Cossy. Tovwt

Pebbles101

I thought yes that’s a good way to put it - wipes everything out. This year my 22y granddaughter died suddenly and I am still long term slowly grieving the slow loss my of husband of 53 years whilst he deteriorates with MND . I think my life as I expected it to be at 70 is wiped out and any control of things is gone . So no I don’t think it will ever get any better.

Sending hugs

Kate1949

My mother died when I was 23, my sister was left without her mother at 14. My in-laws both died in 1971, both in their 50s, leaving an 1 year old son. My brother took his own life at 24. My nephew died of leukemia at 16. I was visiting him in hospital when he died. His mother never got over it (obviously) and died of a heart attack aged 49 leaving a young son. It is far from easy. for you all.

How utterly awful, such a lot for one human to go through. 💐

Thank you FGT. Very understanding of you especially with what you've been through. Not easy this life.