Disrespectful son in law

You really must pull them up as it’s extremely unkind and very rude. Stand up for yourself and tell them you are not prepared to put up with it

I would be inclined to point out that poor hearing is not a lifestyle choice and happily has no effect on the intellect. Obviously it would be helpful if they remembered to speak clearly and face you when talking but if they sadly aren’t able to remember this you will do your best to manage or perhaps they’d like you to help by reminding them?

Since my hearing began to fail I noticed one family member seemed to find it funny. I did say one day, after a particularly silly and cutting remark from her, 'Would you be quite so amused if I were blind?' Delivered in a decidedly non aggresive way, but she went pink and thereafter didn't seem quite so keen to make hurtful comments if I misheard. I do tend to brush off the remarks - it says everything about the person making them, and I try hard not to let it affect me.

Brilliant T-shirt coco51

Say “I am the person who was capable of bringing you up without causing your deaths - I am still that person”. Deafness is a disability and they are very cruel to associate deafness with stupidity
I saw a great T-Shirt slogan
“I have selective hearing - you were not selected!”

As septimia said.

I'm a widowed MiL who hesitates to voice an opinion in the presence of my rather dour SiL. I fear a sarcastic put-down . He's not exactly disrespectful, just dismissive. DD overcompensates by telling me I'm wonderful.
(Did you know that there are three ages of adulthood; young, of a certain age, and wonderful?)

I too noticed this shift when my husband died 4 years ago, despite having been his carer for many years coping with all that role meant, mostly without help. Don't allow any untoward remarks to go without comment otherwise they will continue. And make sure your reply is not in 'victim' mode: I always call it my schoolmarm voice!

Aww that’s not very nice them treating you as if you are a thick and useless elderly person. And making fun of you! Very disrespectful. I would certainly be putting them in their place. You are not being too sensitive . If it’s happening as you saying then they are being very rude.

You’ve lost your husband and your hearing isn’t brilliant. You deserve & need their support and understanding at this challenging point in your life. I think it’s completely reasonable to point this out!

Seems to be open season when it comes to belittling older people. Not allowed to be insensitive to anyone else . Nip in the bud I say

Have a word they are being ignorant and hurtful - I gave hearing aides and some people are rude about them (idiots)!

Next time a comment is made that you don't like could you just say that it upsets you as it makes you feel like a useless thick elderly person?

If you don't say anything how would they know how it makes you feel?

Interesting link Dickens thank you

Dickens

Fix them with a stare and remind them...

As you are now, so once was I
^As I am now, so you will be^

My Mum's variation on this was,
"You'll be old one day."
Followed by a pointed "look." 🤨

Fran3325

Luckygirl3
I like your reply- the joking is maybe good natured and they are all supportive but I feel infantilised/useless at times by their joking. I’ll try and practice ‘the look’! 🤣

I'd not say anything, ignore. Or just laugh it off.

I value harmony rather than winning.

Well, I have a husband who always travelled a lot and I could be on my own, sometimes for months. As he has never fully retired this took me well into the children being in adult territory - then there was the two months he was in hospital.

I already have the look, I cultivated that a long time ago when I worked in a predominantly male environment.

Grammaretto

You don't notice it M0nica until after the death of either a spouse or a parent.
It's as though however well you coped before, afterwards the focus shifts to you.
I shall have to develop that stare.

I think the stare - with an 'eye-roll'

thus 🙄

should do the trick!

You don't notice it M0nica until after the death of either a spouse or a parent.
It's as though however well you coped before, afterwards the focus shifts to you.
I shall have to develop that stare.

I have been known to ask, in a semi-joking manner 'Now, you wouldn't be patronising me, would you?' This usually works.

I find the idea of needing a husband/partner to keep AC under control and stop them disrespecting you, disconcerting and rather odd.

In the unlikely case of my AC treating me in an unacceptable way, I am more than capable of putting them in their place and insisting they treat me with respect, whether my DH is around or not.

sodapop

I'll remember that Dickens so true and succinctly put.

philosophy.arts.narkive.com/NJMCZYLP/as-you-are-now-so-once-was-i-as-i-am-now-so-you-shall-be

I'll remember that Dickens so true and succinctly put.

Fix them with a stare and remind them...

As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so you will be

So true MOnica re your post 11.10.