Living alone in an older property

Thats funny 4allwenow . Interested to know why you have to be in league with the devil to be a plaster . I used to know a builder who said plastering was such hard work that if you were still doing it after age 50 you were superman .

If you love your home and want yo stay,must get some quotes girl that which needs doing,m you are not committing to anything.

For me it's the worry of paying for any big jobs that arise, such as the roof. My daughter has just moved into a newer house than mine but it still has problems so moving's not the answer. Having to have a new boiler used up most of my savings and I don't know what I'll do if something else major happens.

Do you have a local Facebook page? The sort of place where people moan about parking and report wandering cats?

They can be invaluable for getting recommendations for workmen, particularly if you are clear that you want them based on work done, not 'my cousin Brian can do that for you'.

When you've found one you like the sound of, ask him/her to message you and send photos or a link to their website if they have one (most do). Finally, if the job is going to be expensive, post again to say that you are considering employing Mr/Ms X - can anyone message you about any experiences of their work.

A great post from Madeleine. thank you. I and friends and relatives are trying to persuade OH to move. We have no neighbours friends or relatives in the area. I am worried what will happen if I can not drive. I refuse to drive in snow and ice We even have to get in the car and drive 1/2 mile to empty bins. I always say we could be dead a week and no one would know.
We are having a visit from Occupational Therapist next week. Hope that will lend some weight to moving.
I am sure that the same TV programmes can be seen anywhere in England. and are just as soporific.
All suggestions gratefully received on leaving a 400year old, inconvenient house. Now I will make those lists of pros and cons.

Make sure all radiators are turned on and bled….this fixed the same pressure dropping problem in our sealed system! Saved thousands on unnecessary investigations.

My DM lived alone in an older property 1930s so not ancient. She had a few falls and a 4 bedroom detached house with a large garden was getting too much . Plus she needed to drive for groceries, gp etc.
so 11 years ago at aged 80 , we persuaded her to move to a two bed ground floor flat. It’s a 3 minute walk to a busy high street with shops , a pharmacy , post office , dentist and doctor all walking distance. Plus a good bus service .
It was very hard for her to leave the family home and get rid of stuff . But 6 years ago she stopped driving and was so glad that she had amenities close by. Plus having a newish flat , with no worry of leaking roofs or damp. She’s now 90 and very frail and happy to be on one level .
If the OP doesn’t want to move , I’d suggest asking friends for recommendations of plumbers etc or contact AgeUK .

DH would do absolutely everything except gas and plastering( had to be in league with the devil to be a plasterer apparently). Built extentions, replaced bathrooms, kitchens so when he died I was at a complete loss as to repairs, maintenance. I have though over the last 4 years found trades people through recommendations from friends and neighbours. Yes I do have to pay but haven't found the prices to be extortionate and tge trades folk have been goidcmaking suggestions as to best way to fix something or even what I thought was to be a big job they just say no, only needs a minor adjustment or the like. Stick with recommendations made to uou by people you trust. I am waiting currently sitting waiting on my hairdresser's husband coming today to do some electrical work for me.

I have a very old house. Its maintenance is constant and expensive and so is mine. I would love to move to a bungalow but can’t afford to, prices here start at half a million.

That’s me monami but we manage don’t we

I have the same problem, cannot afford repairs i just would have to live with the problems

Last year the first year after my husband died I had a leaking roof,a leaking radiator, a leaking tap and then my central heating boiler packed up and I had to have a new one,I eventually managed to get them all sorted relatively on my own,it's surprising what you can do when you have to and I now have a reliable plumber and roofer who I can rely on. I've now sold my bungalow but can't seem to take the next step to move,I find that a more daunting thought than any repairs.

MT62

My parents lived in an old Edwardian house. Lots of tiny rooms, no cloakroom downstairs.
Took me years to get them to move.
Dad started with dementia, his walking became difficult.
Couldn’t find a bungalow that didn’t need thousands spending on it, plus huge cost of buying- silly bidding wars during covid.
In the end she bought a modern build, three bed house.
Hardly anything to do apart from new patios.
She’s on her own now.
I should add she didn’t really downsize, but the new house was more manageable. She loves it.

Should add she’s in her 80s

My parents lived in an old Edwardian house. Lots of tiny rooms, no cloakroom downstairs.
Took me years to get them to move.
Dad started with dementia, his walking became difficult.
Couldn’t find a bungalow that didn’t need thousands spending on it, plus huge cost of buying- silly bidding wars during covid.
In the end she bought a modern build, three bed house.
Hardly anything to do apart from new patios.
She’s on her own now.
I should add she didn’t really downsize, but the new house was more manageable. She loves it.

madeleline
Yes what a lot of waffle!😂 still I agree with most of it.
I am not a pessimist but I think I’m a realist. No point spending your retirement worrying about things.
I too have lived in many houses and I really like the one I’m in now. I still have a handy husband who refuses to move. If he dies before me I’m off! We’ve been here for quite a while now and I have good friends, neighbours and tradesman that I trust.
I won’t go far-just into town into a small easy to run and maintain bungalow or flat . With the help of those trusted traders and equity from the house I’m in now I shouldn’t have to worry about everyday living and it will be easier and cheaper to access amenities.

Lucky to have such an ex-husband.

In a cul de sac near me there seems to be a 'shared man'!
He's apparently - quite slow, quite pricey and picky with his coffee but they all love him as he's absolutely trustworthy.
He's kept busy year round with allsorts - decorating, maintenence, bit of plumming in a new washing machine etc.
I think it shows the priority for complete trust above cost/ time or immediate availability.
Also of interest, there are grants available for heating/window replacement/insulation if your home is could benefit. A community hub would be agood place to find out more.

I would have it checked if I were you. Ignoring small jobs can often lead to much larger one. I didn’t get a leak checked and it ended up with part of a ceiling coming down which resulted in more hassle and cost. Finding a good reputable builder who can come within 3 months is much harder than finding a central heating engineer. It is recommended to get your boiler serviced every 12 months in any case, usually about now so it’s ok for the winter.

I have moved 19 times as an adult and lived abroad and here and in all ages of houses. I did 10 years of hospital car volunteering and that taught me to see what matters as we get older. In my view, my most important thing is to remain as independant as possible for as long as possible. Having taken patients who have had unexpected accidents or their eyesight has suddenly deteriorated and they can no longer drive, or find stairs very difficult, I then made the difficult decision to leave a much loved home with a garden on three levels etc, but which was high on a hill side with a declining bus service, and thought long and hard about what would keep me going .

So, before anything had actually happened to me, that necessitated moving in a hurry, I made my decisions. I chose to move to a town, within the area I had previously lived in, I decided I needed a ground floor flat, as my back was not getting any better, that there was a hospital close by, a main line station and buses available, should I no longer be able to drive, flat areas to walk in etc. Despite all the hassle of the covid situation, I eventually found what I needed and so am no ensconced in a ground floor flat, with trains, buses, hospital, a variety of shops close by but in a quiet cul de sac so not a lot of traffic. I am lucky to still be able to drive and so am able to go up to my beloved Swaledale quite often. I have had time to meet people, join various things , and importantly have done two useful things.

Firstly, although it was very hard, I have downsized from a semi detached house to a flat. This has meant that I have already had to make decisions about what I sell and what I bring with me, and no urgent need to do it all in a week. Secondly I am now in a property which has less to go wrong for a start, then the survey when I was buying it means ,(I hope!) that there are no outstanding problems and unlikely to have any nasty surprises to happen. I have had time to check about with friends and neighbours and have compiled a list of the various people I might need to contact such as electricians or plumbers etc. Now I will never be tidy (in my view a home that is very tidy belongs to someone who has few interests!) I have music and books and all sorts of things on the go, but there is little to cause me much worry. I have chosen to have individual radiators put in so that I can heat each room to suit myself and it is easy to change the temperature to whatever I need on that particular day.

Of course I miss my much loved garden and my 100 rare snowdrops etc etc., but much more of my life here is spent doing things I choose to do, and not looking round seeing more and more possible problems arising. I have done it whilst I am able to get out and about and meet new people and learn my way around. So there will always be some sadness about leaving the home that I had shared for many happy years with my lovely husband, but I do know that I have done the right thing for myself.

So my advice would be to actually look in a different way. My usual advice is still worthwhile I think. Get two sheets of paper, On one write all the positive reasons you can think of for moving elsewhere, and on the other, all the negatives . Each time you add something turn the paper over, like in the game of consequences. Keep adding to them , as and when ideas strike you. Then on a very wet and miserable day, make yourself a decent cup of coffee, sit somewhere warm and open up the papers.

You are not trying to choose the best and worst things, more to put things into groups that concern similar things. So you might note that you enjoy playing cards, like to sing in a choir, enjoy meeting people. These all show that you enjoy having a reasonable group of people to be around and probably would not enjoy living in a house miles from anywhere especially if there were no bus services etc. As you look at things you may actually surprise yourself at what you have written down, when you realize that actually you do do quite a bit of walking and swimming etc, so that somewhere with a decent leisure centre might be somewhere you would like. Then think about some of the negative things in your life and just for a short time look at the worst scenario . So do you have a condition which might get worse? Might your eyesight mean that at some time in the future you could not drive.? So look and see if such a situation could be dealt with easily where you are now, or could it force you to move, and then at a time that is not your choice.

Of course we cannot look into the future, not think of absolutely every contingency that might arise. However I do think, that most people,like myself, have to a greater extent made decisions and chosen their paths in their lives. You will see that I have not really addressed your thoughts about how you will cope with difficulties in the future, but I am suggesting that you take a step back and consider if your house is going to be suitable for you in the future. If the answer is yes, and you feel that with some adjustments you can live there for the foreseeable future, then it is time for the little notebook.! Keep a notebook with you at all times, and when anyone mentions that very good plumber or that awful builder who never came when he said he would, jot it down, and collect all sorts of useful information. Which taxi service are very trustworthy, the little cut through that brings you to the bus stop to town etc. Then you will build up your confidence in knowing where to turn if you need it, and not be in that awful panic situation when something goes wrong. Above all I encourage everyone to find out where your Stop tap is and check you can reach it and turn it on and off etc. There are some houses now for sale that were originally council houses. When they were council houses you can often find that two houses had the same stop tap etc., and in an emergency you need to know if it is on your land or your neighbours etc. Obviously it is all on the deeds etc, but that little notebook that tells you where it is, and what fuses you need, and which floorboard you need to take up to get to a pipe is invaluable.

If you feel I have just waffled on then no doubt you can just ignore it all, but even if you dont find anything specifically useful to you at the moment, I hope it encourages you to look and see what sort of future you would like. Perhaps you have a close friend or relative who, once you have worked out what you think you need, you could speak to and tell them your thoughts. Sometimes we dont always recognise the really important things in our lives. I have been a great reader all my life, yet when we were once asked to write down our hobbies I didnt even put reading down. I think it was so basic to my life that it took someone to ask me why I hadnt put that in my list. Sometimes someone else can remind you how much you like or hate something. So I hope that today you will begin your discovery of what is important to you and who, and that we really need to keep these things at the forefront of our minds when we look forward.

Other than that I could only suggest that you go round your house, checking that things work, think of the cost of replacement perhaps with something that weighs less and is easier to use. Making sure that there are no trip hazards or places you can catch your foot in the carpet. Can you reach pots and pans these days easily? Doing this at your own pace can be quite empowering and make you feel less worried, as you will have prepared some things in advance such as having phone numbers for good people who have been tried and trusted by others. We have several repair cafes around here, with the express intention to mend things and not send things to landfill. The people there are often retired experts in their field and you might have something like that in your area where over time you can take things to be mended or checked over for safety. All of these things should make you feel more confident in our own decisions. Remember, look in the mirror. Just see how well you have survived until this very day,and trust in your ability to know what is best for you. No one knows you as well as you yourself. Make your decisions, check out what you can, and test things for safety and then enjoy each day as you can. I wish you all the best for the future and of course you have the wealth of experience of GN.s to delve into. You can be sure that someone has been there , sorted things out and got the picture. You wont have to reinvent the wheel. some great GN follower will come up with a good idea you can be sure.

I would be interested to know what you finally decided to do. Keep in touch and good luck

Oh, I so sympathise. I too live in a very old house. Over the last 20 yrs I have done all the big jobs: roof, electrics, windows and doors, plumbing, bathroom, kitchen, new boilers, new showers, full dpc, etc. Yet the minor but expensive issues are never ending. Currently the kitchen door frame has come away from the wall (which appears to be made of pebbles which are gradually falling onto the floor). The joint between the flat roof extension and the original house is leaking a little, and there is a new crack in the rendering near my front window. I too had a leak from my CH system. Luckily for me the team who did my dpc discovered the very wet joists before any serious damage was done. Who knows what will happen next?

LaCrepescule

I fear the leak is buried under the floorboards loopyloo! I have a very useful ex-husband who lives down the road and does all my odd jobs. But yes, knowing who to call on is vital and I’ll try not to stress.

In that case have a good look at the ceilings in the rooms below, use a good strong light from a torch and look for any slight discolouration on the plasterwork

I live alone in a three storey house built in 1875, and I know it needs completely refurbishing and modernising, but that’s for the next owner to do. For one I have no central heating much too big a job for me to get my head round and I know how to keep warm in the winter so no big deal.
I live in fear something big will go but I don’t really dwell on it it’s a passing thought I chuck it out of my mind At 81 how much longer do I need the house? 🤣it ll do me how it is
If I become unable I ll bring my bed etc downstairs or get a stairlift put in

I fear the leak is buried under the floorboards loopyloo! I have a very useful ex-husband who lives down the road and does all my odd jobs. But yes, knowing who to call on is vital and I’ll try not to stress.

Completely agree re being nice to good tradesmen. My house is 100 years old.
I pay in cash and make coffee and biscuits so they have me down as a good customer. And a glass of beer for the gardener which he loves!

I look after tradespeople too.
I want them to come to do little jobs as well as big ones.