Relationship with adult child changed

Some people are naturally not tactile and do not like being hugged and kissed - even, as with your children - they grew up with it.

It does not follow that because you had an untactile childhood that you would know when you were invading boundaries, I wuld suggest the opposite.

But I agree with others, you best way forward is to say nothing but be glad of the hugs and kisses you receive from others in your family

I gave 2 DD one is a hugger the other not. I just accept and respect their differences.

Thank you everyone for your advice which I will listen to. My 2 DS always hug me when they are leaving after visiting me. I get what you are saying Doodledog but because of my history open displays of affection aren't natural for me so I know I've never overstepped boundaries with DD. I'm not in a particularly good place mentally at the moment so maybe this is why DD's slow withdrawal is in sharp focus. Either way I will also do what V3ra suggested and concentrate on what I do have. I know I'm luckier thank some people who have lost a lot more. Thank you again all for good advice

V3ra

You say one daughter, and mention her siblings, so presumably you have other children? Are they affectionate towards you? If so try and focus on what you do have, rather than what you feel you don't.
That may take the pressure off the situation for both of you.

I couldn’t agree more! Both my sons and younger daughter still give hugs

Yes! Our elder DD. In her childhood and early teens she was extremely affectionate. After Uni and four years of living away from us, she was quite withdrawn. She was then diagnosed in her early twenties with both autism and ADHD. She’s now married and not publicly affectionate with her wife. The only “people” she’s outwardly and publicly affectionate with are her three mini sausage dogs.

Please don’t take it personally, my DD is 28 and I’ve had one hug in 8 years!

You say one daughter, and mention her siblings, so presumably you have other children? Are they affectionate towards you? If so try and focus on what you do have, rather than what you feel you don't.
That may take the pressure off the situation for both of you.

That's a good point Doodledog.

I understand that this is upsetting but Luckygirl and Norah are right because as hard as it is, it's better to say nothing.

You say you tried to compensate for the lack of affection in your childhood. Is there a possibility that you haven't respected your daughter's boundaries? Not everyone wants to be touched or hugged a lot, and sometimes it can feel more invasive if the person doing it 'oversteps' by assuming that because she's your mum she has a right to do it, if that makes sense?

So sorry, I can imagine how this hurts but you can’t really do much about it imho. However, occasionally when is your birthday or Mother’s Day would turn to her and say ‘I could really do with a hug right now.’ But would leave it at that. In time she might change her attitude with regard to this 🙏🏾💐💐

I'd not ask again, leave it be and wait.

Maybe better not to ask. It makes it harder for her to backtrack should she wish to at some point. I am sorry about this - it must be very upsetting.