Don’t know what to say

Never been out in this position, so just wanted to wish you luck

Hello Mell, I've never been in this situation but didn't want to not respond.

I think all you can do,having given your opinion, is to tell your mum that the decision is her's, that she must do what she feels the most comfortable with and that you'll support what ever decision she makes.

And, if she decides to go ahead, you will help her recover as much as you are able.

You have to tell her firmly, but kindly that you have had a family discussion and she knows everyone's take on the problem, but no one can make this decision but her and no one is going to make the decision for her, but when she does make a decision everyone will support her wholeheartedly..

M0nica

You have to tell her firmly, but kindly that you have had a family discussion and she knows everyone's take on the problem, but no one can make this decision but her and no one is going to make the decision for her, but when she does make a decision everyone will support her wholeheartedly..

Yes! 👏

Unfortunately my husband was in this position. On being dragged very reluctantly by me to a AAA scan offered by the NHS at 65 they discovered an AAA of 7.5 he needed Surgery ASAP. He wanted to leave and wait and see but I made him go for all the tests and scans needed to plan the surgery the consultants were ready to go in 6wks, but his AAA had other ideas and ruptured late on a Sunday night. He was in pain I was terrified as I knew what it meant. Long story short dash to hospital surgery successfully carried and he was home in 4days and fully recovered in 2mths.
Sorry this is so long but if I were you I would encourage your Mum to see the consultants then be led by the them, its very major surgery and they are best placed to give their honest opinion.

M0nica

You have to tell her firmly, but kindly that you have had a family discussion and she knows everyone's take on the problem, but no one can make this decision but her and no one is going to make the decision for her, but when she does make a decision everyone will support her wholeheartedly..

Yes, that's pretty much what I was going to say too. At the end of the day, it has to be her decision - and whatever decision she comes to, the family has to respect her wishes on that.

M0nica

You have to tell her firmly, but kindly that you have had a family discussion and she knows everyone's take on the problem, but no one can make this decision but her and no one is going to make the decision for her, but when she does make a decision everyone will support her wholeheartedly..

Such good advice from Monica. I’d add that make sure your mum and also the family have all the data and figures to hand, so that the decision can be made on facts and not simply assumptions or fears.

Wishing your mum and your family the best.

It's no ones decision but your mother's to make. But does she really understand what the consequences are of not having the operation? If it was me I would be camping out outside the hospital until I had my op in case anything happened.

I agree too. We are going through something similar (a different but risky procedure) for a relative who is 101, and wants us to make the decision. We do have POA, but the relative is of very sound mind, so we don't want to decide for them. It's difficult, isn't it?

AAA operated on as a planned procedure have a far better outcome than those operated on post rupture.

It is your mother's decision but does she realise she needs to make a decision sooner rather later. Does she realise the consequences if she doesn't have it done? I agree with srn63.

I think Tanith's suggestion is really important to discuss it thoroughly with the consultant. With a family member there too. I'm thinking each case is different with age and general health important factors. And the expected recovery for your mother. Wishing you all the very best.

Yes it must be discussed with the patient, the consultant and all relevant family members. Take notes if possible. And the patient must make the decision alone.

DH has a smaller AAA and because of many other co morbidities has been told by the vascular consultant that he would not recommend surgery. We have prescription morphine at home, should it rupture, that emergency medics would use if they were not carrying morphine etc with them.

DF had a successful AAA repair 40 years ago when he was 60 something and a younger cousin at 55 had one repair which had to be repeated. GF died of a ruptured AAA. Because of family sufferers DSIS and I both had an AAA test 20 yesrs ago. Cant remember thr proper name for it.

Difficult for you OP but I would be led by the consultant and his advice re success rate at thst age and taking into account current health.

I'm afraid it is the sort of decision that can only be made by the person involved. My ex husband had been refused surgery because he was nearly 90 and had other health problems but he wanted it and was prepared to fight for it rather than wait for the inevitable. He got it, has recovered well and has a greatly improved quality of life but his partner was extremely supportive and has really helped him to recover. I think I'd be talking about what your mother wants and how she feels etc rather than saying it's got to be "your decision" a shared understanding is always better. She may not want to go through a difficult recovery or she may feel she might be a burden, who knows? I think I'd be saying, " what is making it difficult for you to make your own decision?" and go from there.

In that situation I suggest you ask her Consultant to be very frank about surviving General Anaesthesia, and major surgey given her age frailty , heart condition and medical history.

Also, ask about doing nothing and letting nature take its course.

IMNADr but my layman understanding is that if a large AAA ruptured, causing a large internal bleed, it would cause rapid loss of consciousness , followed by death within minutes.

You may want to consider DNR/ an advance medical directive. and POA.

There's some scary conditions around. But foxie's suggested question to your mum 'what is making it difficult to make your own decision ' is a very helpful one possibly for her.

Yes that is a good question for your mum. But do ask the consultant for advice.
How difficult for her , her DH and you OP.

Can I ask if your mum has been given any options for the surgery? My brother has just had this operation but because of his severe COPD he couldn't have the open heart surgery, which would have been the best option. Instead he has had it done by keyhole surgery through the groin and was home in 2 days, although he is much younger at 68. He is recovering well but will have to be monitored to make sure the stent stays in place. I just thought there may be other options for your mum too.